Still mourning in Bittersweet

Im still feeling so very alone. IM getting so frustrated. People told me to fogive her for her comments against me. She ended the friendship saying im toxic. Me forgive her for her comments because her cousin killed himself? She said helping me write a resume was like polishing a turd. And when i got upset. She told me i was toxic.
I should forgive her? for what.... for her rudeness. Shes moved on. She has a hundred other friends that she feels are the best people ever. Just like me.
But part of the problem is that people arent really talking to me anymore either. Im persona non grata in my own world ( of rabbit breeding) Except with the new locals ive met. They all like me. Thats just it, Not many people dislike me! Im a likeable person and i know it. Im friendly, outgoing, ive always been trustworthy and try my best to be helpful. Yes i live with depression and i get down regularly. I dont drink, smoke, or do any kind of drugs minus perscriptions which keep me functional. I introduced her to that world and now im being outsted by half of my contacts there. Its frustrating to me!
I was having fun at the zoo today and went to text her and im like wait… we arent talking any more....
I miss having people to randomly text silly things that happens, or funny comments the kids make. Or just that the giraffe slobbered ALL over my hands, And my mom told some lady to put the food in her hair and the giraffe would eat it out. And it did. and slobbered ALL over that ladies head. They all laughed. Or that a giraffe feels like a horse, but not quite as soft…
How HARD it is managing 5 kids, and a grandpa in the zoo. Grandpa whom we lost. We later found him at the car. He had a phone we would have found him eventually.
I mean its little things that i miss talking to my friend about now. And the people who are no longer commenting or responding to me. That bugs me too.
Ill get over this. Sometime. But i will.

In other stressful stuff. My parents are fighting. My mom took off and my stepfather is acting like nothing happened. Its really tense and stressful right now for me. I dont like this kind of tension and upset. My mom was really upset. Shes an angry cryer like i am. But she took off in the car. She had her ipad charger and wallet. I have no idea if this happens often or not… I imagine it can happen MORE often now. See normally my stepdad works n and off shifts. growing up they were 2 at work 1 at home. This has been week days 150 miles north and weekend homes. Starting tomorrow, he is coming home every night. Which means a lot of things are harder. Like my kids are night owls and active at night. Calming and quieting them down at 7 is very hard. And he gets stressed, my mom gets stressed. They cant be around each other for that long before fighting ensues. T and i dont fight often now. We have been together for 17 years. Its a long time. My parents have been together 33 years. I guess argumenets never stop. but they do get better in the end too.... Except when this stuff happens.
Sigh…

Time to wrangle these kids to silence ( HA HA HA)