Bad At Love in In the Nude

Not much has changed since my last post. I have been playing nice because our daughter’s birthday was early December then we had Christmas. I figured I would table the divorce until after the holidays. It’s been tough emotionally. I know we need to split, and I ok with it. I am just afraid of how my daughter will cope with the split. I am afraid she will resent me for divorcing her father because she is a daddy’s girl. He’s a great dad, just a shitty husband. I will will have to continue to deal with the fall out of his mistakes through her grief. It’s not fair. He makes all the mistakes I will have to deal with the repercussions of them until she’s old enough to understand. And even then, it’s her father. I couldn’t tell her the whole truth of what he’s done. But I know I need to leave this marriage. I hate the feeling of being trapped since I am a free spirit by nature. I had my walls up with him for 6 years, now it’s not only are they up, they’re out. I don’t want him near me. I resent him. I hate what he’s done to our family. I thought I could wait out the divorce until after she graduated high school in 10 years. Sacrificing my happiness for my daughters. His last misstep has made it impossible for me to stay any longer. I just don’t know how to leave. I mean, I have been in touch with a mediator and told I would make an appointment after the holidays. I just don’t know how to say I want a divorce. I am done. I am only 45. I can’t be unhappy any longer.