Balance in Current Events

I’m not in control of my anxiety & depression as I once thought. I inadvertently starved myself yesterday. I then intentionally ate something that I knew was going to make me feel nauseous to kill my appetite because I thought that would help me sleep. I was wrong. Hypoglycemia kicked in and I was a hot mess. It usually generates very very high anxiety. This is why the keto diet and I could never be friends. Sugar is the immediate source of energy for our brain and when blood sugar is suddenly low in the body it causes mental status changes and mood swings as the brain’s energy supply is disrupted. Neuroglycopenic, low blood sugar in the brain, can kick in and those symptoms are a lot like being inebriated. Tiredness, dizziness, slurred speech, confusion, memory loss… sometimes seizures, comas and death. The brain accounts for 60% of all sugar consumption in our bodies. Our bodies have protections in place to prevent hypoglycemia so that bad things don’t happen to the brain. Most of the body’s sugar is stored in the liver and when blood sugar decreases, hormones tell the liver to start breaking down those stores and release them so that levels are steady. The liver also generates sugar for us from proteins and fats but it also produces ketones which are a secondary energy source to sugar that can be used by the brain but they’re not as efficient as glucose. So if somebody is on a keto diet long enough the liver’s sugar stores become depleted forcing ketogenesis which gives way for the namesake of the keto diet. As a first nations person, I am genetically susceptible to an autoimmune phenomenon called type 1 diabetes where my body will not allow my pancreas to produce the hormone called insulin. Insulin tells the cells in our bodies when to store sugar. If there is too much sugar in my blood then I don’t have enough insulin and if there is not enough sugar then I can have too much insulin. I have to get my blood sugar tested every two years. The joke is, we all have diabetes (first nations people) and we are all just waiting for it to kick in. I don’t know why I am mansplaining all this. I’m currently experiencing an anxiety attack and I’m trying not to think about this heavy fight or flight feeling. My heart is racing, I have blurred vision, my hand-eye coordination is failing and I can’t catch my breath. I don’t feel fear as I know that this will pass. This anxiety can be from my hypoglycemia which I am trying to correct right now but I have this weird instinct to not eat my breakfast. That it’s just fueling my adrenaline… wow I finally just remembered that I got my thyroid tested last week and that I still need to go in and discuss the results. I suspected to have an endocrine problem as I was experiencing TE alopecia and other problems. I literally could not remember what I was testing for. I sat here freaked out that my memory was failing me so hard that I couldn’t remember why I had a blood test last week. It snowed last night so I can’t run this adrenaline off. I’ll go for a walk. Then maybe to the doctor later if I get myself balanced enough to drive. True story, usually when I experience this I just make a pizza and it all goes away for a few weeks. Maybe it is my blood sugar. Blah.

The reason I am barely eating is that I am hiding from my roommates. I’m getting absolutely depressed because I just want to be alone. You absolutely have to lick the following link to an Instagram post that sums up my life long dream right now. Please Click Here

If this is all just a self-induced reaction brought on by my own stress then I am just fucked. My anxiety last night makes sense as I was finally looking at job postings online yesterday. I found so many job postings on Indeed that were way better suited for me. One of which was to become a flight attendant. I am kind of leaning toward that one. They want me to move to BC and my roots in this city are not deep so why not? I don’t have a passport though so I want to get on that right away. I can’t even stand up straight in a plane though… and can I take down a terrorist that is highjacking a plane with a bottle of water and a paperclip? There were a lot of other jobs in the city so I have some decisions to make today.

I did finish Gretchen Carlon’s audiobook Be Fierce. I am trying to stay empowered enough to actually sue my previous employers. A lot of the stories in her book were a lot like mine and they took legal actions and won… or lost. I never signed any polices so I don’t have to worry about arbitration.

Anyway, I need to get my day going. I feel so sick to my stomach now.

Edit
My roommates are leaving town for the night. This is perfect, I can meal prep and relax. I will go to the clinic first thing in the morning and talk about the results of my bloodwork. Maybe to get other things tested from there. Now I am wondering if I have Cushing’s disease. If I have abnormally high levels of cortisol then it would be from Cushing’s or from cancer. I don’t like those odds. I can always restructure my diet to help reduce cortisol if it is just normal stress levels. I watched this documentary yesterday where a woman explained how ancient teachings explained epigenetics and how meditation was used to control how our genes express themselves. That jellyfish and worms can regenerate their bodies completely and that we could have access to the same ability if we learned how to use vibrations and frequencies to create healthy cellular growth. That meditation and OM were used to generate the right vibrations and frequencies to do just that. A study was done that also showed how our DNA actually manipulates the space around it at a quantum level. Photons in an empty chamber reacted when they put a DNA strand in with it. The photons wrapped around the helix of the DNA structure and remained that way for weeks even after they removed the DNA from that chamber. I don’t where I am going with this. The fruit that I am eating for breakfast today (at noon) is so fucking tasty today I just can’t.

Edit Again
I did some overthinking. What if this is a balancing act, regarding my nutrition. What if, my blood sugars get too low from either too much insulin or not enough carbs in my diet? So the low blood sugar disrupts my brain as sugar is its immediate energy source. So then my body tries to produce ketones as a backup but my body is not good at storing fat so that backup energy source fails me too. So then my brain makes my adrenal glands produce cortisol to use as energy… so I get fueled by stress? Would that be a thing? I’m too scared to google it. I always get google-diagnosed with cervical cancer. I’ll definitely make it to the clinic tomorrow. I’m not good to drive today, I have two days worth of eating to do.

Last updated October 29, 2019