Search in Current Events

I’m almost a quarter of the way into Gretchen Carlson’s book Be Fierce and I can’t even believe how bad workplaces are for women! Even I have a history of being an enabler and I didn’t even have to think twice about it back then. Though, I think to an extent we can all fall into cultish behaviours. I had to take a break from the book after she went into how bad it is in the military for women. It was sad and upsetting. There is a chapter coming up all about men and the men who help fight on behalf of women and how they too end up losing their jobs. Sound familiar? I am looking forward to that chapter.

I decided to go on jobbank.ca to look at job postings finally and I am pretty shook. I’m barely qualified for anything and the jobs that I am qualified for pay dirt. That’s on me though, I never went and got an education in anything. So the best paying jobs, for me, are at restaurants again. Management. It’s funny because there was a posting for a manager position at one of the locations in my city that I am 110% qualified for but it would be a conflict of interest as I am currently trying to sue the whole entire company. If I took a settlement I can still talk about the harassement but I can’t disclose any details… I think? Brad, Kirk, Karamjeet and Larry would still get to be employed of course. There is another job posting that I passed up when I first lost my job but it is downtown and I hate winter driving. I think that I need to print some resumes and go to the mall and drop them off as it is not far from my place. There are a lot of businesses in my area so I should just go do that. I’m just currently self-conscious and in a lot of fucking pain from the cystic acne breakout that I am experiencing from eating something that I did not know had dairy in it. I am so done with my dumb friends always wanting to go out to eat. It’s dangerous for me out there man. Dairy is in everything.

Now I’m having an existential crisis about turning 34 in a couple of months because I do not have any future lined up for myself still. I’ll just be jobbing around until I die. omg I’m a jobber. I graduated high school fifteen years ago, I should have done more with my life by now. I’m doubting my career choice about becoming a dietician now too. The story that I am telling myself is that the textbooks will be based on research done by industry and I will be paying to learn bad science. Then if I do get the degree I will go absolutely insane trying to help people that won’t help themselves…
Me: You have to eat like this is you want to live.
Them: Well, I can’t. It’s too expensive, I don’t have time, society just needs to love my body.
Me: Your body stopped making insulin so let me help you…
Them: … You’re being ridiculous. You are not helpful one bit. I’m getting a second opinion.
Me: …
Sorry if that fake convo was offensive. I’m just expressing how I feel.

I still have that dream of me opening up my own clinic and trying to find a new approach to helping with this obesity pandemic. A way that promotes body positivity but also lets us treat it as a disease. There is a woman in my city that opened up a yoga studio that has no mirrors but instead has body positivity quotes all over her walls instead. That’s what inspired me to want to open up a new clinic. She’s helping them without hurting their self-esteem. It’s an environment that people want to be in and I somehow want to do that too. It’s just a delicate thing to talk about, nobody wants to hate their own body. I already know that I offended people just talking about this. I’ll move on.

I think that I need to find a different site or a different way to find a job. I’ll work something shitty while I try and make school happen. There are resources out there that could help me. I need to look into those as well. When I went to see a career counsellor they weren’t as much help as I thought they would be. I did learn about what my job values were and such but I thought that I would have somebody to help me map out my path here. When I went to the university to ask the faculty about their program I got very little help there as well. I think going back to an Adult Education centre to get a few additional credits that I would need might be a good idea because I will have a guidance counsellor that could actually be useful. I don’t want to put down the ones that I had back in high school but they treated me like I was a write-off. I got treated like a write off a lot back then… wow, something I could totally discuss with a future therapist.

Anyways, I’ll get back to GC’s Be Fierce audiobook and then look online for other job search resources on my next break… if I don’t have a nervous breakdown first.