Gasp in Current Events

A couple of weekends ago I wrote about how high my stress was about going out to that social and then to my friend’s wedding the following day. My social anxiety got the better of me but I pushed through it and gave Oscar-winning performances in which I pretended to be okay. With the exception of my meltdown in front of Toni… anyway, I had also mentioned that I noticed an alarming amount of hair in the tub after my shower that day, followed by some weird scabbing situation in the next couple of days on my scalp right where I noticed that my hairline had changed. Also, I finally had some gray hair overnight. In classic Tom form, I refused to look at that area so that I could pretend that it wasn’t real but Hetal kept randomly looking there the other day and I was just prepping my face for my PMD and Dermaroller when I randomly decided to look at it and I literally gasped. My hair is actually falling out. What did I do to deserve this? Man… I use minoxidil on my face to help grow my beard so I guess I should put a dab or two in the spot as well. I don’t know if it is alopecia or… you know… [Hold for Dramatic Pause] male pattern baldness. I see my doctor next month to get another Twinrix shot so I’ll ask about it… if I don’t die of shock or google a diagnosis first. I’m also going to talk about getting me back on my anti-anxiety medication.

Man… I’m the guy with the hair. It’s such a huge part of my identity. Hetal also noticed that I’m losing some of the lunulae on my nails. I noticed that as well. They’re the white crescent part of the nails. It shows if you have a good immune system, good collagen production and various other stuff. I have a full set (I believe that is rare), Hetal has absolutely none but I think that is because she literally worries herself sick. I wonder if these are related? I’m also ignoring a big cyst that appeared randomly under my earlobe. It’s gone down and I get breakouts where I put the minoxidil, it’s a side effect so I assume it is just a cystic pimple.

I’m wondering if I have a deficiency of some kind now? My diet is so well balanced though… It’s got to be stress. I need to get some structure back into my life. Yeah… and I’ll have to find a man and lock him down before I go completely bald. I can get my scalp microbladed to buy me some time. Yeah… I’ll aim for someone rich and old. Like, can’t have solid foods old. I don’t want to end up as the first lady by accident. Even though I am crushing so hard on Manny Jacinto from the Good Place. That show is so camp and stupid but I love Jamila and her activism so I want to support her. Now she has a lot of hair… My mind literally is all over the place like this 110% of the time. I want my meds so bad. Or maybe I could just become a stoner? Or bone a stoner! While stoned on meds watching the Good Place and I can forget that I have problems. Yes! There is no problem too big or too small that I can’t ignore until it blows up in my face… it’s a talent.

PS
While my brain is spinning…
If particles change their behaviour while they are being observed and since physicists are getting more and more convinced that the universe is a hologram or simulation… kind of like how the world inside a video game only exists when the player observes it.... so what if the entire universe is created from consciousness? Like what if life and death as we know it is just a dumb little human concept. Like, life and death don’t actually exist? Water can be liquid, ice or steam so what if consciousness just exists in different states of matter or whatever? And like, what if life is just a conscious cosmos? And the universe only exists because of consciousness? And the meaning of life is to grow consciousness? So consciousness can keep the universe existing? Through procreation or to become more enlightened and aware or whatever? What would happen if we became fully aware though? Could we control the cosmos the way we can control a lucid dream? Is that what we are evolving to? Or is evolution JUST a side effect of adapting to an environment? Man… Does anyone else think about these things?

I don’t do drugs I swear. Here! Enjoy some Vivaldi! This one is my favourite. It’s manic and full of energy.

Last updated October 18, 2019