My former semi famous former friends with benefits. in Aftermath

So this guy i knew i recently googled him out of the blue. And i found out from a major editorial outlet online as of last year he was charged with 2 counts of sexual assault. An article followed about his past his “redemption” and charges and present employment situation. He i think got fired from one of the places he worked.

He went to jail for manslaughter as a teen and had many prominent news articles about him in very popular high end magazines etc because when he got out he was able to get grants etc to help at risk youth stray away from gangs because he was part of them. So he was lauded as a sucess story for many years.

Anyways this always bothered me bc of how he treated me and how cold and eventually how insecere he was underneath it all.

It also bothered me because after our falling out i knew that he worked in some of the spaces i worked in too and i was terrified of running into him and maybe even be in a subordinate position under him

I used to look up to him for doing all his community work because i also am a peer support worker with lived exerience. Although not as prominent and making as much money.

Anyways
I wasnt really shocked about him being charged shocked

But i.guess i am questioning now my experiences with him and whether what he did to me was was sexual abuse or assault.

I also feel bad for his victim and wonder if he did worse to her or if what he did to me was enough for a charge for sexual assault.

Heres my story with him anyways

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I met a guy online a few years back when I was feeling.very alone and vulnerable. I qas around 23 at the time

He was the Same age as me.

I lived with two roomates who i used to go to school with growing up after moving out of my abusive home after another really bad assault.

So i felt alone and didnt like to be where I lived as one of my roomate friends who started out as kind and helpful started bullying me and making me feel uncomfortable living there.

So i decided to take the bus about an hour or so away to meet this really attractive charismatic guy.

Anyways I felt so enthralled by him. But he treated me really badly. Almost hypnotising me and manipulating me to give him oral sex. I obliged willingly or so i thinkk....

After he came he left me downstairs while he would silently play chess upstairs on his computer

I couldnt leave bc it was so late and far away. But i remeber feeling so used. He was so cold.

I still met up with him on and off over the years. I guess he made me feel special. He was doing really good things for the comminity. Anyways it came out that he had been in jail for manslaughter. In a drug deal gone bad when he was a teenager. He would bring me alcohol amd cigarertes which i wanted but couldnt afford.

This didnt really phase me much. I really truely believed it was self defense. To this day i still sort of do. Plus he seemed like he was redeeming himself with his work in the community. I grew up with a criminal father who i think has ties to organized crime himself so it was familiar. Maybe i thought i could fix him or it was jist familiar i dont know

This guy would text me alot saying he really really needed my ” sexual healing powers”and how good i made him feel.

But his actions later on started to get scary. I remeber we were supposed to meet up amd i flaked out i think or something. And he kept calling me screaming so loudly on the phone.

It was scary. Still i didnt stop talking and see him.

I guess my child abuse primed me to ignore red flags and not react to bad abusive behaviour normally. I literally didnt feel much fear around him.

I felt so low about myself i started picking fights with him hoping he would fly into a rage and maybe kill me too. He never did.

Until one night. I decided to stick up for myself after a sexual encounter. Which always would end up with me only giving him oral sex and him beimg very cold and detached.

He than got up and left. I went in on him about how used i felt and how he made me feel.

He snapped at me that i am looking for love in all the wrong places and sex is all i am good for anyways. Basically.

Than i called him a name and he snapped and got 2 inches in my face. Screaming at my face like he did on the phone.

I was pretty hurt angry but at that moment terrified. He than stormed out luckily.

But than i heard a knock on the door. He had left his jewelery and watch on my table and apologized and begged me to open the door. But i was scared and refused.

So he said he was going to call the cops and i told him go ahead. I had no intention of keeping it and didnt want to see him again. I thought it was a good idea. A safe way to give him his stuff back without seeing him.

So the police called me and were understanding towards me and told me i wasnt in trouble that they were just there to collect his belongings to give back to him.

I agreed went downstairs and they looked at me with solemn faces and said Be careful.

Im guessing they either looked up his record or he started maybe screaming at the police too or both.

I said that i knew him before.

Amyways i lashed out again on text to him. (I know stupid of me) saying he had no soul and karma will be after him or something. He replied back that i was a loser. Etc. Dont contact him again. Etc.

I said right back at you.

And we never spoke or saw eachother again.