Sitting Shiva in General

I’m not Jewish. But I think two weeks is long enough for me to stack my shit back up and start stopping.

Around this time two weeks ago one of the best friends I have ever had killed herself. We had a brief conversation on Sunday – she would usually call me on Sunday mornings when she knew I was watching the tedious drivel of the Sunday Morning News Shows and she was on the job.

Later in the week I asked her to take a look at an assignment for my MFA-514 class. She did and sent feedback.

Saturday my cell phone was ringing, but I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t answer. Sunday I saw the voice mails. A friend of hers I didn’t know. With not good news.

Since then I stay very busy with not thinking jobs. I am taking apart the elliptical so I can move it upstairs. I mow my lawn every other day. All of my laundry is cleaned and folded and put away. I am taking my summer garden down as the nights get colder. I just bleached the shit out of my kitchen floor after I realized that wasn’t marbling but dirt.

Tomorrow, maintenance dude who is far more impressed by the helmet on my bookcase than he should be will take a gander at the fridge and get me a new one. I’ve been in this apartment for almost 8 years. By far the longest I have ever live in a single place in my life.

I figure that if rent has gone up my 30% in that time, everything in this apartment should be in perfect working order. Next is a new dishwasher. But one thing at a time.

I’ve been doing the bare minimum regarding classwork. I am afraid of what will come spilling out if I let myself go.

It is the 26th of September of my 57th year. I’m healthy, if not for that pesky ascending aortic aneurysm. The Keto thing really works – I’m hanging at 218, my post-high school fighting weight. I’m walking 8-10K steps a day. 10.4K steps for me is 5 miles.

In a couple of weeks I am driving down to Pittsburg to visit an old shipmate and spend the night. Then two more days down to Texas to visit my son and grandson for a long weekend. Plan was I would head to Pima AZ next. Not much purpose in that now.

I knew things were difficult. I didn’t know they were that difficult.

You were such magic, always knowing what to say. Was there anything I could have said?

Okay, sweet girl. Rest in peace. I am going to come out of sad now and do some writing.

I know you are smiling down. Because that is just who you are,

Last updated September 27, 2019