Hypocrisy but Open in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Now, I’ll admit… I view pornography. If I did not… I think I would be a much different person. I can’t say exactly what kind of person. I might still be with my wife but be angrier, meaner, more vindictive. I might have left my wife already and demanded my sexual release from a healthier relationship. Something I genuinely worry about? I might have become the darkest version of myself and cared less about Enthusiastic Consistent Consent.

SO… it should be noted that I do view pornography and that I accept any accusations that I am a hypocrite. Moving on....

There is a particular cosplay model I enjoy. Honestly, truth told, there are many. And I like them for various different reasons.
KamuiCosplay is amazing. Svetlana’s spirit, talent, personality, and encouragement of others is laudable. She’s an absolute gift to the international world of cosplay.
HendoArt does amazing “glamour” cosplay showing beauty in her work and appearance while always staying dedicated to authenticity of costume.
Jutsu Cosplay incorporates her martial arts experience into her cosplay; her cosplay itself often done with care and tying together the authentic with the sexy.

That isn’t even all of the CosPlay models I follow. And yes, I do follow some men… not surprisingly, there are far fewer men into the Pro Cosplay Scene but the suggestions there should be obvious, if painful.

I won’t utter the name because… I see no point to it right now… but there is a CosPlay Model I follow that… well, I judge myself harshly for following. Because her only brand is “Sex, mostly naked, almost always Ahegao”. And while I can appreciate that her pictures are specifically and expressly designed with a professional skill to MAKE ME think “She’s awesome and geeky and sexy”… I am upset with myself that I “fall for it.” But that isn’t just borderline-incel “how dare a woman make me feel the way she wants me to feel for her own personal gain!” There’s more to it. Because I want to feel attracted to someone (even if only a sexual attraction) because of more than just “LOOK!” Like… I’m okay thinking Jutsu is hot because she adds more to her role of CosPlay Model than just “Look, tits and sex!” I’m enamored of Deborah Ann Woll because not only is she a stunning beauty, but a quality actor, and an OG Geek. I would prefer that. I would prefer to be able to say, “This person whom I do not know is attractive to me not only because of her appearance but also her FILL IN BLANK (heart, talent, charitable giving, background, choice of personal appearances, etcetera). ANY celebrity whose only quality is “LOOK, tits!” is… either Art or Pornography.

The debate between Art vs. Pornography has been around for ever. The most accepted “easy answer” is context. With this idea of context, it’s important to approach each artwork like you would any other, and to question the wider meaning of the piece. Erotic art focuses on suggestion to communicate meaning, encouraging the viewer to invent the remainder of the story. If you are unable to establish a concept and can conclude that the purpose of the piece is solely for the pleasure of the viewer, it’s probably porn. However, the debate continues that this perspective is too narrow and creates too much emphasis on what is called editorial art. My own favorite painting is Paul Cézanne’s Turning Road at Montgeroult (1898). Does this painting create a story? Suggest an editorial point of view? Or is it a piece solely for the pleasure of the viewer? The counterpoint would be to bring the debate into more of a narrowed focus. The question of context need ONLY be discussed when the image is being debated as Porn versus Erotic Art. But I struggle with that notion as well. To a point. I bring all of this up because I am about to discuss that point.

This particular cosplay model, which I am not mentioning by name, does appear in my Instagram and my Facebook and even appears in The Chive from time to time. IF she is in a costume, I would say… Erotic Art. Sexy but tying it to a character, story, or franchise that she enjoys and appreciates. HOWEVER, she is also one of these girls that will simply strip naked, put her arm over her nipples, do an ahegao pose and post it. That… that isn’t “erotic art” to me so much but… the argument can and has been made that the context is less “directly attempting to simulate pornography” and is more “suggesting a pornographic act without demonstrating it, thus erotic art.” I’m… far less swayed by that argument when an aheago pose is a pose directly pulled from Hentai but I can appreciate why the debate exists. And as the debate exists, I’ll refrain from straight-out calling it pornography.

However, on her Instagram Feed today… she advertised that by becoming “A platinum paid member via her patreon” her fans would receive access to “all of her photo shoots and dozens of full nudes!” That is the point where I throw my hands up and say, “Okay! This is porn now!” Because honestly… is being a fan of something, wearing the mask of that something, and taking sexy pictures fully nude (but for the mask)… is that really SO different from going to a CosPlay Porn site where the girls are in full costume and then strip down to just the mask and take sexy pictures fully nude (but for the mask)? Cuz… no. In both situations the business model is as follows:
(1) Build a fan base
(2) Take sexy naked pictures of yourself
(3) Charge people money to access the sexy naked pictures of yourself.

Porn.

Now… this wouldn’t be such a big deal for me. I’d actually be 99.9% okay with it were the background story of this whole mess not what it is. Hand to God… some of my favorite pornographic actresses in the world can (probably have) done Nerdy Sexy Photo Shoots or CosPlay Sexy Photo Shoots and that’s fine. Provided that they admit what it is. If, for example, Lauren Phillips was doing a JOI video where she’s dressed up like Jean Grey before stripping down to naked… that is one thing. If Lauren Phillips was doing a JOI video where she’s dressed up like Jean Grey before stripping down to naked… and telling people that she doesn’t do pornography, she’s a Professional CosPlay enthusiast!.... that is another thing all together.

And that’s where we are here. The particular cosplay model in question honestly once was considered a pornographic actress. Mildly successful but success in the modern porn business simply means you were able to pay your bills. Or do I need to provide a link to Mia Khalifa’s likely very true statement that she made less than $15,000 from her career? So… fine. This pornographic actress wants to quit. She wants to do something more respectable as she has a son now and she wants to do something more lucrative because “the business of sucking and fucking fucking sucks.” Great! I wish you luck! When (professional name) Raylene quit the business I was thrilled for her. Raylene was a dancer (super hot) that went in to Porn got mixed up in drugs, had a kid, wanted out. She quit, got her Real Estate License and sold high end houses throughout L.A. Until the housing crash. Where she was kind of forced back into Porn. (See the Documentary: Life After Porn). Now… I was sad for her. I am a fan, and I’ll admit that. But when someone wants to leave porn, I would hope that they land somewhere they do want to be.

But here’s the deal. The cosplay model we’re discussing? She quit pornographic work. Proudly said it was all behind her. Demands that she is a professional cosplay enthusiast and doesn’t work in porn anymore. And she’ll become VERY cross with anyone who suggests that the line between what she is doing now and what she was doing then is “getting thinner.”

And this further makes me upset with myself for finding this woman sexually attractive/exciting. She may well be a nerd who loves video games and comic books. That is possible. But when you are advertising I’ll give you naked pictures if you give me money… that’s pornography. To be upset that someone would call the Nudes for Cash business porn? That just seems like either denial or delusion.

But then again… maybe I’m the asshole.