Bah in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I’m not feeling well.
The diet recipe I made last night? Not much food, WAY too much salt.
I had it out with the wife. Really. Discussing how it is so damned hurtful for her to shut herself off from me at all times. How it is such a miserable experience to feel… just… so alone. Particularly since I’m on the absolute brink of divorce. It’s like… I’m at the edge and she, for some reason, can’t even see it. And I don’t get it. She does little to nothing for the relationship itself. And I don’t ask much of her. But… her inability or decision to not be an active member of this relationship… it’s deafening. And… I let her know yesterday. I let her know how sleeping next to her every night and being FORBIDDEN from so much as making out with her is unacceptable. I let her know that the fact that she sees nothing wrong in our relationship and still thinks everything is fine, despite our counseling and conversations, is absolute bullshit.

That is what I had started writing. But where I am now?

I just want to go back to sleep. I want to sleep for the next 31 years. I don’t want to deal with 4 jury trials involving little girls getting raped. I don’t want to deal with a marriage where everything is perfect BUT FOR the fact that my wife doesn’t want me. I… yeah. I guess… I could use a thousand different words but at the end of the day, the only five words that properly describe what is going on?

I DON’T WANT TO DEAL