the rest of my weekend. er well. the weekend of sept. 7th, 8th. and dr. earp in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so. last time i saw her i. had private notes for dr. earp one of the topics being. it’s great. that she’s ok w/ the LGBTQ comm. and yeah she’s like ‘i’m fine w/ any and all orientations’. yeah me too. no but a lot of people aren’t. the lady i live w/ isn’t. how do i know this? well. the few times the subject’s been brought up. she always gets real quiet more quiet then usual. like the type of quiet. where the person............yeah. it’s obvious they don’t like. w/e it is. but they won’t actually say. anything. [and please don’t challenge me on this. i don’t like being challenged.]. yeah i remember. last um. dec. or whenever it was when. all the tooth. stuff happened. well one day when my sister, parents & i were all out to dinner. [and i. still regret having told me sister this. and yes it’s her personally i regret having told. the ‘her’ being my sister] my mom & i were. telling my sister something about dr. earp being accepting. and my sister..........didn’t seem to understand why. that mattered. which is fine but my sister’s. antagonistic and judgemental. no i mean she’s verbally. antagonistic whereas i’m not. anymore. no far as i know. she’s straight. she’s never. had to work for anything. she doesn’t have ptsd she doesn’t have depression. she’s. not an alcoholic. ya know? we just. have different lives, in that sense. and that’s fine. it’s just. i’m not someone. who’s had. emotionally at least. things come easily to her. no and partially. bc i’m bisexual which for the most part. i’m ok w/. i have depression i’m an alcoholic. i’m. ya know this that and the other thing. and i’m the type to where. if i don’t understand something. i hopefully. wouldn’t state that. in a judgemental antagonistic way. whereas i think she would. [now. it goes w/o saying. that obviously someone wouldn’t understand something if that something isn’t explained to them. no i know.]. but. i’ve never. lived in egypt but if someone has. and they say something about it. even if i don’t fully relate. i’ll believe their emotions and experiences.
my sister. far as i know. doesn’t know. i’m bisexual. [maybe when i was 17 she knew..........right. bc we were closer then. bc she was doing drugs. and not super nice. and i could relate to her more even though. i wasn’t drinking back then.]. no bc. if she knew. she might think she needs to look after me more. look i’m not a plant. and i can take care of myself. there’s a reason. i’m not out to everyone. [er offline i mean.]. bc not everyone’s ok w/ it. i wish everyone was...........but unfortunately. that’s not the world we live in right now. that’s something. that’s like. you know a ‘real problem’. that i’m not ok w/ and never will be. is people. not being ok w/ homosexuality.
so. yeah. it’s difficult for me. that she’s like that. we grew up differently and ya know that’s ok. it’s ok. i’m not a hard worker at all by any means. yeah i’m really.............not. but the few things i’ve worked hard at. are a. actually getting myself up out of my bed. as a result of my depression and 2. last yr. having to work. as in physically work. each and every day back of those 3 months from jan. - april [ok so that’s 4 months. well about april] to. physically do things. in order to recover from my concussion. no i didn’t go to the dr. no i didn’t tell any medical professionals about it. no except for online. no one. actually knows. i don’t need that kindof attention and i don’t want it. btw. for the most part. i have recovered. thank god cause that was. one of the darkest periods of my life one. well one of the hardest at least. and it’s ok. like i said. that we grew up differently. but again as stated. it’s just. difficult.
um so onto. the weekend the weekend of...........the 7th, 8th i think. well i. and i’m not proud of this and it’s not something. that happens a lot. er i mean frequently i guess. they’re sortof the same thing? um but that. sun. - mon. i. relapsed. bc. the lady was in the living rm. sleeping on the sofa. and. i won’t microwave things when someone else is in the rm. oh and. i don’t think from what i vaguely...........no it’s that. i didn’t even look. in the fridge..........i think something happened and i got upset/bothered and needed space........yeah that’s most likely it. i hate. relapsing which is a reason. i make such an effort not to. as much my last. big relapse was back in feb. i. yeah i didn’t like it. luckily. on mon. which is my grocery day. i ate. [no i mean. i bought something from the store. and ate it a few mins. later. as i do. as usual.]. oh i also ate chips that day. later.