DOA: Women in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I just lost two of my best friends.

Well, "lost" isn't the right word. I have chosen to sever all contact over something seemingly trivial, but to me it is a representation of some deeply held beliefs I have. Now, a lot of you aren't going to like the the things that I have to say because they aren't kind, they're probably discriminatory, and therefore they'll be unpopular. But some of these things are the foundation of what makes me who I am.

The friend whom I am no longer in contact with has just given birth to a child, and that is the crux of the issue.

People I meet are often surprised by the fact that the majority of my friends are heterosexual men. In fact, having female friends is something of an exception when it comes to me. The reason behind this is because I don't really like the dynamics that evolve in friendships with women. I end up no longer being a real person and being an accessory like a handbag which, in turn, makes me treat them no longer as real people but as women who treat me like that "gay best friend." That's obnoxious. Things typically complicate when children become involved. My non-traditional views are "novel" and "whacky" until suddenly the need to adopt "family values" rears its ugly head and my life becomes enemy action.

One person was one of my closest friends for years; she cherished my heterophobia and anti-family values mindset. Actually, both of them were like that... but that all changed when they started hanging out together, and that's mostly my influence. The minute both of them started hanging out, I slowly began to be edged out of the picture. People treated it as a form of social paranoia whenever I would voice my concerns... and this was many years ago. As time progressed, more and more "us" things would become "them" things. I know I'm making it seem a lot more dramatic than it actually was, but there were changes that were imperceptible to anyone but me... And then the pregnancy happened.

The fact is, she told everyone except me. I assume that's because she knows how much I hate children, which I'm okay with. It made perfect sense in my mind to wait to tell me... that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt by it, however. She even assured me that she would still be the same person, and I accepted her affirmations with hopeful skepticism. Then the baby happened. One of my major flaws is seeing a difference from baby to baby. Each one of them looks like a misshapen lump of Play-Doh, and saying "that's the cutest baby" is almost as dubious as describing which Sharpie smells better. Over the years, we would laugh at things together, and when she posted a picture of her baby, I jokingly said that I had a comment but that I couldn't figure out what it was... I remind you, we've known each other for years and years, she knows my humor better than almost anyone alive... Yet she seemed to assume that I was going to say something negative about the baby, which I wasn't going to, the joke was that I couldn't figure out what to say because I never know what to say.

That's when I realized she was gone. She had been taken to that dark side where the gravity of her world changes: everything now revolves around that baby. That's fine, those are her life choices and she is entitled to create the life that she wants. But my life choices are contrary to hers and the time for interruption has come, as I knew it would almost four years ago when those two gals first started hanging out. Don't think it doesn't hurt me because it really does make me sad, but I will not compromise. This whole situation is a lot more complicated, but this is the gist of my feelings on her transformation by new motherhood. Those are things I do not want in my life, not one bit of representation...

And actually, there are women, actually mothers, who I am friends with. They know that I'm going to say something from time-to-time that might upset them as mothers or piss them off as women, but they roll with it. It makes me incredibly sad...

But that's my decision.