Predictable in meh...

It never fails.
Once things get back on unsteady rails, the behavior resets and it’s back to square one.
Still not done with being blind to patterns that undo you every time
You just won’t learn, but I hope you do before your next downward cycle.

I think my daughter is a nitwit.
After all that drama and crying and losing yet another job…She went to various centers and received some help. The hotline was called on the female that hurt my grandson, my daughter is supposed to go to a job fair today, daycare will be taken care of for both kids. The only other issues left are housing and this court case.

Bubby Jr’s grandmother is going to have him the rest of this week. I asked my daughter on Tuesday to keep hold of Bubby Sr while I went to church on yesterday. That didn’t happen and she didn’t spend the night at my house and I am not surprised. She called me asking me if I can give her some tickets to walk around my job. I ask who she was with and she said “a friend…” aka the guy who’s been doing her wrong and just because she has something to lay up with, that’s what she’s going to be doing. When I went to pick Bubby up, I told him he may end up going to church with me. I didn’t want to put him off on my son again and his mother, as predicted wasn’t anywhere around. Later on, I said, I’d be very surprised if she was at the house, but I’m sure she isn’t. Which, actually works out better that she’s not there. She disrupts everything.

She’s loud, rude, disrespectful and obnoxious. Like really. The waterworks come on and off like magic. I think my daughter is manic. She goes to a behavioral clinic that prescribes her medications, but she doesn’t like them. She takes the one pill so she can sleep. Tram-something. Anyway. Because of her talking about how she doesn’t sleep, I think she is bi-polar and she cycles. That would explain a lot of why when things are going well for her, she screws up. Then again, it’s all karma-ic as well. She puts a lot of crap into the universe and she gets it back and wonders why. I’ve told her this and she says she gets it, but she doesn’t. She needs a therapist that will see through her crap. If she needs to do family sessions, I’m down. Tell me how to treat her, because in all actuality, I’m over her 25yo acting like a spoiled 6yo self.

On another front, I’ve been filling out applications again. The amount of time I spend on my actual job actually working is on Mondays for maybe 5 hours (barring distractions) and the rest of the week not very much. There is only so much blogging you can do. There are only so many games you can find and play. Some of my duties I don’t have to do everyday. Like the gift cards. If no one orders them online, I don’t have to do them. Same goes for online orders for this event we are having. If upper level members aren’t getting their tickets, then I have no data to record. If no one asks a question from our website, I don’t have to forward or answer the question. And so on and so forth. The phone rings only when I’m trying to listen to podcasts. LOL Massholes. Like right now, I have received perhaps, 2 or 3 calls before and since I started typing this and when I say it hasn’t rang since?? But as soon as I turn on the radio or key up a podcast and I’m intent on listening, the phone will ring off the hook.

I find that I get these jobs and tend to box myself in because I’m afraid that I will look stupid. I’ve been coming to terms with a lot of stuff and it’s got me sitting back like what is my life? What is my faith? What is going on in my head and heart right now? I’m often conflicted about what to do. What am I to do about anything? So this is where I am right now.

I love in spite of circumstances, but I’m bitter, hardhearted, and I recognize that in me.

::heavily sighs::
Take care of yourselves.

Kindest regards,
Sister