being social is enough for one day in Second 1st

Just a quick entry.... I feel like I have things to say… but it’s really nothing. Therapy had gotten overshadowed my Destiny’s good news. After a few days of nothing.... well I started looking at things. Holly had said she thought I have vestibular migraines.... Kate said she thought I might also have PPPD (Persistent Postural-Perceptual Dizziness). She had given me a handout.... but when therapy is over… it’s over… I don’t try to read on the way home or anything.... it’s too much… so I finally got around to it.

Symptoms: rocking or swaying unsteadiness or dizziness lasting more than 3 months - symptoms present more days than not (more than 15 of 30) - Symptoms generally worse with -upright posture such as sitting, walking or standing - head or body motion- Exposure to complex or motion rich environments

How is it different from Mineire’s? .... well PPPD is apparently more mental than anything else. It is in my current opinion a perpetual circle. Basically, I’ve worried myself so much about getting dizzy that my body thinks I am when I shouldn’t be.... that my “fight or flight” is on extreme alert… and why wouldn’t it be? I have no idea when I will feel okay or not… and it’s so random. Why should I not always be prepared? .... but being prepared has become a self realizing situation.... because I am always expecting it...... but if I wasn’t it would happen anyway.

I really used to think that with anxiety it really was a matter of talking yourself out of things.... Rocky always jokes that worrying is my super power. I worry (and have long before this mess) because it allows you to prepare for the worst. EX: worry about getting a flat.... so learn how to change a tire and keep a spare and equipment= don’t worry.... it’s just that simple.

How do you not worry about something that you can’t really do anything to change....

William came over today. He opted to leave work at lunch and his wife wanted to buy a cell phone holder from me. She paid via Paypal and he hung out with me for about 2 hours. I told him about Todd and the latest therapy stuff above.... of course he’s like “just stop thinking about it” like that’s an option. He also said people ask about me sometimes at work. That’s nice… but I’m on FB so they can find me if they are truly concerned.

I had decided to call it an early night and was laying in bed.... no pants but with my shirt still on… bra undone. When I got a text from Todd saying they were here. I was going to read for like 2 hours before going to sleep and they were not expected… but they were here. It was nice to have the company and after his son was done mowing the lawn I’m honestly a little disappointed that it didn’t take longer. I do enjoy time with him....

Either way, it felt like a huge day with all the social… and now I am going to bed.... good night