Medication & Other Things in ❅journal 2019❅

I don’t know what to do with all the pills. I think your supposed to flush them down the toilet when you don’t take them but have to hide the fact. I’ll do that I think.

John said I didn’t have to, I just had to manage my anxiety on my own. But I haven’t but those pills aren’t doctors pills there that herb healing crap that makes me feel sick after taking them and my head hurts.

I reread some of our messages and I can’t figure out where he stopped loving me. He said he wanted me, every part of me. Even the part I’m scared to talk about because you aren’t supposed to want to hurt the person you love. And I love John the most, it’s scary that I do.

I can admit that now. I loved him more than my exes because he fills the emptiness up. He’s so sweet and he says things that sound so obvious at first.

I didn’t want to date him behind mom’s back but he convinced me and I was so happy to date him and the others. He’s always right, he’s so much smarter than me.

He constantly reminds me he’s only human but it’s nice to forget that sometimes and just worship him i guess? It’s hard to figure out when this happened, I didn’t use to be like this. But now he’s all I think about and the voices think about him to and I just want him to save me faster.

He told me he would do it. He would save me when where both adults and we could move to the house i wanted. A nice, secluded place where no one could hurt me anymore. And he was supposed to love me always like I’ll love him always but he doesn’t or does he I can’t think straight.

What’s wrong with me? I don’t know if this is normal, he I don’t know anymore. I feel like this isn’t but at the same time he’s different now he got better for me and he’s happy I think.