Phone Calls in That Coming of Age Story

So spring break is over and I go back to class tomorrow. It's a real let down. I just really don't want the fun times to end.

Over the past week it felt like my life was on pause and I had invented a new one. One that didn't have any responsibilities. I liked this life. I wanted this life. I experienced it and now it's over. It's a very bleak feeling. But of course all good things come to an end.

That wasn't what I wanted to talk about though. Today my mother called me and we have been getting along better. She has been sober for about a month now. I hope for the best. I am trying again to let her back into my life. Hopefully she doesn't disappoint me again. But anyway, while we were talking she asked me how I was doing. I told her about school and my friends and how my week had gone. She listened and we actually talked about me instead of her. It was nice to know she was genuinely interested.

She said something that got to me today though. She asked me if I was seeing anyone and I said no. She kind of sounded sorry for me. Like it's a shame that I don't have a boyfriend. I feel like she thinks I am lonely. After I got off the phone with her I just thought about my relationship status.

That is what I hate about life. You can be completely content with life and then someone can say something to make you question yourself. I am young so of course I am going to have strong insecurities because I am still trying to figure out who I am.

I honestly don't care that I don't have a boyfriend. I know a lot of people say that but I really mean it. However, there are times when I need someone. I need someone to make me feel special and loved in a romantic way.

I guess I do get lonely sometimes. I am fine with who I am. I do like who I have grown into over the years. I just think that sometimes it would be nice to have someone to share your experiences with in that way. It's nice to have someone to cuddle and kiss. I like making other people feel loved and important, but I guess it is hard for me to find someone that is worthy of me or someone I am worthy of.

I don't know. It was just a thing that was on my mind.