P.R.F. Prosebox 8/26/2019 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening; you’re joining us here at P.R.F. Prosebox this entry being put forth on an exceedingly busy Monday, August Twenty-Sixth, Two Thousand Nineteen.

This will likely be shorter than typical and less insightful. I got to work today at 8:00 and I was go go go go go go go until 3:30! That’s the way it is on a Juvenile Court Monday with 1 to 3 hearings set every hour. Yeah. We had 10 hearings scheduled. It was busy. And… well… some good news some bad news, as is the way. Some cases got dismissed because the parents are doing well. Some cases exploded because Methamphetamine is more important than Children. Some cases? ::grumble:: Jury Trial next week in my Criminal Career is related to the children involved in my Juvenile Justice Career. A common thing for people in my position. But I’m SUPPOSED to keep those things separate. Like… I can’t go easy on her in Criminal Court because of disclosures in Juvenile Court but I can’t use disclosures in Juvenile Court against her in the Criminal Court unless such disclosures were made voluntarily, under oath, on the record in Juvenile Court. Well, I do what I can but I also do my best for people. In the criminal matter, I basically stated “Here’s the plea offer because with a Juvenile Case open, we’ll be providing services and wellness checks with the kids to make sure this doesn’t happen again.” She rejected the offer because she doesn’t want to be required to prove sobriety. And this is where Juvenile/Criminal conflicts. Juvenile case has enough evidence of “proof of use” to satisfy Juvenile Court Standards. Criminal Case, I can’t use that evidence. SO… she is going to be required to prove sobriety through the Juvenile Court Case anyway… just take the bloody plea. Frustrating. Even if I lose the criminal case, the Juvenile Case doesn’t just disappear. So… from one perspective… less pressure on me, I suppose. But at the same time… I’m so very much not okay with children victims not receiving justice… even if that child is too young to contemplate the abstract concept of justice.

What else do I want to say before my day ends? Uhm.....

So, Saturday was not as productive as I wanted it to be but was also productive in some ways. We gave the dog a big ol’ walk which gives Wife and I time to talk and be with each other. I got more of my Noom stuff done as I genuinely want to see if I can’t beat that damn plateau (still can’t spell that word, damn). Then went on Borderlands 2 and beat ALL of the Mighty Invincible Raid Bosses that I’d been working towards. Which now leaves me with only two things to accomplish before being done with that game. Of course, those two things involve grinding for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours unending..... so I decided that I’ll put that game in a pile of “periodically return to”.

Of course… Sunday was… mehr. I think it is obvious by now what I want, what my needs are, and what I can’t deal with. Wife, also, knows these things just as I know what she wants, what her needs are, and what she can’t deal with. The differences?
Wife was starting to freak out a little yesterday because she is returning to school today. Her first day of community college going towards a science degree! So… she’s understandably nervous. She needed me to (1) check in periodically to snap her out of her own head; (2) not sit there forcing a conversation about it, but leave when she’s good; (3) allow her to process in her own way; (4) help clean up the house and organize spaces so she doesn’t feel cluttered. That’s what she needed. I was able to help where I could. Two Issues:
(1) We ran into our neighbor on our Saturday walk and she said that, even though her basement never gets damp, the most recent rainstorm was so heavy that there was water running down her walls from the egress window! So, when we got home we checked our basement’s egress window. The window area was dry. On the other side of the room with no window the floor was more damp then a shallow-ended carpet. It was BAD. SO I made it my mission to help with that in whatever ways I could.
(2) By “checking in” but not “sticking around” I was able to keep her from losing herself to her mind without bringing her out and talking about it (which would make her worry worse, something I/we have discovered over years of doing it wrong). That being said… it meant that I hardly saw my wife at all this weekend. Honestly. I see her more often when I come home from work!

So, I’m trying not to let my over active Anxious mind make too much out of that, but it is certainly difficult. Like… your wife is struggling and the best way to help her was to not be around her, does that SOUND healthy?! But then comes the other side of that argument: You do for your wife because you care about her needs and wants; but when is that going to be returned? When is she going to do JACK SHIT for your needs and wants? It is… times like this that my brain is being a butt.

I have… a lot more that I wanted to say here (obviously) but I have completely run out of time. Perhaps later. TTFN!