August 23, 2018 in meh...

Have you ever felt like there are things you will not stand for from anyone, but there is one person that makes you break every rule you have? You say you’re going to put your foot down and then you end up bending yet again? Does it happen repeatedly until you’re either numb to it or you are over and say “No More”?

I think I’ve reached some sort of climax with my daughter.

For the past 3 weeks, she has been, mainly for her life, she has been this vat of unstable lies. She thinks that she can tell me anything and I believe her and I don’t. I believe as long as she’s breathing she’s lying about something.

I mentioned that she was staying at my house because her lights were off at her apartment. This is kind of like an abridged version of what has happened.

1) She shipped the babies off to separate places and stayed somewhere else for a week. When I was able to find her and catch up with her and ask if she was okay, she said she was fine. “I’m good…” and she sounded cheerful.

She was laid up at some dudes house. I already knew that. As long as the kid were okay, I don’t really care.

2) One week, I came home from church and she and Bubby Jr. were in my living room. I let them have my room. Then Bubby Sr. came back from his grandmother’s house and I was on the couch a couple of nights.

3) She then took them to her friend’s place for the weekend. And was at my house.

4) Last week, Bubby Sr. came back, but Jr. was still at friend’s house. Bubby Sr. went back to school on the 12th. I had been shopping and gotten him everything he needed. Daycare was set up.

I finally got out of her the amount of money she needed to get her lights back on. She had to raise a certain amount and then an agency would give her the rest. So I put a significant amount down, she was supposed to have another amount and once the agency put the money down, her lights should have been back on. I got her account number and paid the money myself. I don’t play those type of games with her. As of today, that was two weeks ago.

She sends me a text saying the lights will be back on soon. I’m like good. Then just as quickly, she is depressed and sad and she’s crying out in her car. Okay…? I don’t get that. She got up and took Bubby to school and she was there that evening. I think that’s when she started all that crying stuff. Wednesday, she sends me a text that says she feels lost and not ready for life. I told her that I already knew that. She was in such a hurry to grow up, but didn’t want to realize this is as real as this thing gets. I gave her some scripture to read and a podcast that I was listening to that day to help her. Later that evening (mind you, I’m in church ALL WEEK last week) she sent a text stating Bubby is at home and she had to work overtime.
a. You “work” at a bed and breakfast. No one needs you there overnight. It’s not a hotel. Lie detected. Which leads me to

5) She disappeared for a week. No notice. No calls. Blocked me. Talked to my son just to tell him to pick Bubby up from daycare. So after I tell him to tell her that he needs socks and underwear, she sends me a text telling me that she’s at a safe house. She went to an appointment with a behavioral specialist and had and “episode”. Now she’s in a safe house and they are talking about getting her a voucher for Section 8 and signed her up for this program called Rapid Rehousing. Ok
a. Safe Houses are for when you’re domestically abused. You are not with anyone that is abusing you. Who are you running from? I’d have better believed her IF she said she were in the nuthouse or something, but she said safe house. Lie detected

Because I knew she was full of shit, I decided to talk to her father and let him in on what she’s doing. She’s not answering my call, she’s not answering my mother, nor is she answering him.

6) She was gone for an entire week. Then on Tuesday, she asked via my son, if she could come over and do her hair. You can’t do your hair at the safe house?? They don’t let you out the safe house to go to your mother’s house nor to do your hair at your mother’s house. I had just gotten home and was making Bubby some dinner. She came in trying to be humble. I wasn’t even looking at her. I’m semi boiling on the inside, but to start arguing would be fruitless. I mean. Every argument is the same. You don’t know what I’m going through. You don’t love me. (Son) is my favorite. You don’t tell me you love me. You supposed to help me regardless.

And therein lies the problem. I do help her regardless and it ends. The last stunt she pulled, I told her she would lose me as a support should the shenanigans continue. Now, I feel like…I’m done.
I’m over this shit.

I sent her a text this morning and told her I am NOT OKAY. I would not kill myself by holding in my anger. Thing is I’m not really angry, I’m just disappointed that she doesn’t recognize that I am not an insidious fool. I’m not even a regular fool. I’m not a fool at all. ::heavily sighs::

I told her that I was over all this shit. I told her that Bubby stays with me. She can go and be as unstable as she wants to be, but he stays with me.

The only thing that is bringing tears to my eyes is that I don’t have the energy nor the space to have both boys. I don’t even know where Bubby Jr. is right now. I don’t want to split them up. I don’t want him to not know who I am. I love that little boy even though he makes me tired and can be aggressive and loud and…well a typical 2 year old. I can’t do that. I can do one or the other, but both together I cannot. It breaks my heart.

Facts that I believe:

1) She no longer has a job
2) She got put out of her apartment and has so long to clear it out, though she’s not been clearing it out

And that’s where my life is right now.

At the end of all of her antics, she still has a court date, she will still have children to answer to, and life moves constantly and doesn’t care about her situation.

I’m numb.
I’m over it.

Thanks for letting me whine a bit.

Kindest regards,
Sister

P.S. My daughter treats me like a man who strings a woman along. We have an argument. Then she disappears. When she realizes I don’t care about her being mad and disappearing, OR, when she needs something from me, instead of saying sorry, she puts out feelers to see where I am. Just because I may respond makes her think that we are good, when in fact I’m still pissed. THEN when she thinks things are all good, she goes back to trying to be all shiny, happy we’re cool and we’re not. And I am NOT here for it. I was in a relationship with her father twice. I opted out while I could the second time around. I’m over it.

Last updated August 23, 2019