PRFish in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

As much as I hate seeing the Sad Panda in the morning, this was a good morning for it. Soon as I sat down at my desk, I had two pressing e-mails and a stack load of paperwork (not to mention my hearing schedule and trial prep!) That being said, my mind doesn’t work great in remembering the things I want to write when I have to delay that writing. Kind of a lightning effect for my brain. When the synapses send the impulse it goes through the brain and if it doesn’t get snatched in time it fades back into the void of unconcious. So… that’s bothersome. And a reason why things come out weird for me sometimes. Couple’s Counselor and Wife think sometimes I bottle things up and they come out too enthusiastically when I can’t “take any more” which… there is some truth to that… but there is also this. That sometimes I must put aside my feelings and wants and needs so that I can focus on work and then… that which was set aside becomes less a concious thing and lives in the unconcious. I mean… from sitting down at work to even checking to see if PB was up was 48 minutes due to the work I was doing. And after writing this, I imagine it wil likely be another 2 to 3 hours before I can check again.

Though that being said, my NRA Racist Cousin continues to confound me with his inability to use logic or reason. Today he was ranting about how he wishes people “hated drug dealers as much as they hate gun owners.” As if either thing was true, quantifiable, or exlcusive. I’m pretty sure Drug Dealers have a lot of guns. If you hate gun owners, by logical understanding, you hate drug dealers. That’s… just… logical. Now, if the statement had been “hate LEGAL Gun Owners” there’s an argument there. Because Drug Dealers, according to what scant research we can gather, typically own guns illegally. They buy them illegally, they deface them illegally, and they own them illegally. Now… legal gun owners are the ones that are comitting suicides and mass shootings… so if we want to limit those, we can discuss gun deaths by process of New Laws. But if your “GIVE ME GUNS BECAUSE DRUG DEALERS SUCK” argument were about more than just the first half… you’d be petitioning for Gun Studies that the NRA has routinely lobbied against. Because why are there so many illegal guns in circulation in the United States? And before you say, “Because Mexico!” allow me to remind you that a majority of Cartel confiscated weaponry has been directly tied to the United States Gun Markets. So… in truth, Mexican Gun Violence is a symptom of the United States’ Gun Lobby. Which makes it more sincere to ask, “Would you prefer a crackdown on Drug Cartels, a Severe Reduction in American Suicides, and a Reduction in Mass Shootings… or do you want to own a Heckler & Koch HK416 without background checks, licensing, or training?”

Of course… with my Trial Prep being the biggest thing in my mind… I really want to Prosebox right now. I mean… I need to clear my head of my own bullshit so I can focus better on this upcoming trial. Because I know what my case weaknesses are. Here is the law.
I need to prove
(1) that Defendant was the parent of the child (should be easy)
(2) that child resides with the parent (should be easy)
(3) that the Defendant KNOWINGLY acted (that is going to be SO TOUGH)
(4) and the KNOWING act placed the child at risk.

Friends… when you get angry that a Prosecutor lost a case, or offered a deal that you think is absolute horse shit, I want you to consider what it means for the burden of proof to be on the state in a country that more often than not requires Intent elements. I can’t tell you what a person was thinking. I can present to you evidence after evidence after evidence that says, “A reasonable person would not have acted in this way.” BUT that isn’t proof of intent. I can’t reach into the brain of the defendant and say, “THIS is what she was thinking, THIS is what she intended.” And I can’t compel the Defendant to speak to tell us what she was thinking due to the 5th Amendment. THIS is the trick to trials in this country. Being able to prove that someone KNOWINGLY acted in a manner that would create a risk to someone else. Easier when the concept is “I shot a gun at someone” much more difficult when the concept is, “I wasn’t watching my daughter”.

And the stuff I want to clear from my head? I’ll write it more clearly IN THIS EXPLICIT ENTRY but I’m all a jumble between current desires, current fears, past desires, past fears, and The Great Unknowing. Right now… I have hearings. Then Jury Instructions to prep. Then witnesses to prep. SO.... one of two things is going to happen. Either I’ll come back at the end of the day and turn this NOTEPAD entry into a Prosebox entry… or not. We’ll see how long the Sad Panda lasts.

GUH! Had to take a momentary break. This… this is the shit that drives me up a wall sometimes at this job! I just left a sentencing where the judge was all “This is a weak ass recommendation, don’t offer someone a get out of jail free card” then I come back to my office to try to write Jury Instructions (which can take a long time as they average about 16 pages of writing) but I get interrupted by an attorney from 140 miles away, representing a client that lives in a different STATE because that client doesn’t want to pay his (11 through 15) MPH Speeding Ticket. ::face melt:: Fuck’s sake, people. This is why larger communities get more money, lol. If I were JUST a Criminal Attorney… I could slam those guys. If I were JUST a Juvenile Attorney, I could advocate so hard there. If I were JUST a Magistrate Court Attorney, I could dedicate hours of my day to making sure I got every ticket and citation paid for. But I’m all three. Which means I need to be able to say, “Pay us less and stop calling me” instead of “See you in court, fucker.” And… it is frustrating on all sides.

GAH! Those rat bastards!! Not really, they are good people. But. There are two, TWO, boxes of donughts in the break room today. And I? Being one traveler long I stood, and cursing my diet and desire to drop weight, I left without a sugary pastry in my hands nor my mouth nor my belly! I shall comit myself to this.

HAHA! OH. finally.

It took me 4 bloody hours to write those jury instructions! Those are getting saved to my friggin’ hard drive for a Copy/Paste opportunity should the need arise again. Bloody hell! But at least those took so long and I spent so much of my day on this Jury Trial prep that… I can finally write in Prosebox! lol. That Panda had better be gone!