I Drive Myself Crazy in Current Events

You know how I talk about Grindr like I am better than the people who use it? Then how I always come off as a slut-shaming queen? Well, I am going to try really really hard not to do that today. Especially since I am about to show you guys how certifiable I am lol.

In the last couple of days, I just had an entire relationship in my head. There is not much on Grindr to look at, in my city, but there is one particular profile that stands out because the guy has a two gym selfies, one in tight clothes and one in just his skivvies. He is pretty fit. His profile has less information about him than mine does about me. It’s just his height and weight. His profile is just one big thirst trap to me so I ignore him. I ignore everybody to be honest. I can’t get into why without breaking the promise that I made at the beginning of this entry so I’ll just move on. Well, this guy finally figured out how to take a proper selfie and he changed his profile pic to one with his face. I’m just like… wow! He’s so gorgeous. He’s way out of my league, he’s out of this city’s league! Like, he needs to move. I am so smitten but I have it in my mind, because of his thirst trap selfies, that he is just soaking up everybody and anybody that he can. I just slut-shamed, sorry about it! I was so gagged because I wanted to say hello but then I remembered that I am a 33-year-old, unemployed man who lives in his sister’s basement. I will never be good enough for him. I don’t even know his age. He looks like he is around my age but he has so much sun damage that he could actually be 20 but look 29.

So because I am so smitten I keep fantasizing about him. If our Grindr conversation doesn’t peter out immediately we have actual conversations. Then we agree to meet in person, where my self-sabotaging ass demands to know if that first meet up is a date or not. To which I let him know the score right away. That I will not be putting out lol. Then if that doesn’t scare him off we have our first date. I assume that he would just treat me like trade and I’d have to ghost him after… but in this fantasy, he turns out to not have much of a personality at first but I have him laughing the whole time. I blow his mind talking about life and stuff. He wants to hang out more. We end up dating, my insecurities about him being out of my league make me jealous. I grow afraid that he will leave me for somebody else and I have to constantly struggle to not let that sabotage the relationship. My family and friends love him and his fam and friends love me and everybody is happy for us. The relationship makes it to about a year or two before one of us ask where it is going. He then misses his freedom so we break up. So I get a makeover and I try to move on. I live unhappily ever after. I die alone. My cats eat my face. The end.

Told you guys I am a crazy person. Apparently, Grindr can show us who is viewing our profile and when. That is mortifying. I noticed that he checked mine out an hour before I started writing this. He must have seen that I trolled his a million times. #EpicCringe. Part of me wants to spruce up my profile and then say hello. But then I remember where I’m at in life and that I can’t afford the distraction lol. See how I drive myself crazy? If he turns out to be in his early or mid-twenties I will be turned off immediately. I know the age gap isn’t so bad but to me it is like, 20 in gay years. I want to be around people who are matured and grown. Also, I just realized that I can date somebody 15 years younger than me. I’m officially old people. If he was like, yo lets hookup I would sadly decline. Hot or not, I’m just not into hookups. My mind can’t do it. I know that I would get attached. I actually found a little film thingy that kind of made sense to me. Made me understand why I get attached like that. I think it would offend a lot of people but I can see how it could be true and how it could also explain today’s dating culture also. Why a lot of people want to do relationship things without an actual relationship. However, I don’t think there is just one way to have a relationship either. Those also come in all shapes and sizes. Whatever, I am not making any sense so I’ll just share it.

Last updated August 28, 2019