This World in Thirty-Four

…won’t stand long. God won’t let it stand this way long. They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say ‘Shit, it’s raining! - Ruby Thewes

Good evening my friends. How are we all doing? I just want to say first and foremost to any of you that live in and around El Paso, TX, that my heart goes out to you. I have quite a few family and friends that live in the area and it breaks my heart that something so senseless that could have been prevented has occurred.

This is the world we live in.

I’ve been so sick the last few days, like 6 days. I have not had migraines this bad in about a year. Time to change up my meds. I am hoping to get into a new neurologist soon. My primary doc that I saw on the 31st referred me to one, but she’s the same one that looked at Randy and said “Oh, well you’re up, you’re walking, you’re doing fine!” and then scooted him out the door.

Randy’s disability case got denied by the way, so off to an appeal. He’s already sent his information to Allsup, which is the company that helped me with my case. Hopefully they will take it and help him get it. Also, hopefully it won’t take 2 years.

Things are just....blah around here. I mean nothing is going wrong, just everything feels wrong for some reason. It’s not any easier when my dad posts things like this…

NIGHTS LIKE THESE DRIVE A HARD POINT HOME....BEING ALONE SUCKS. I HAVE MY TV N MY CATS, SURE, I SPEAK TO THEM , THEY SEEM TO KNOW WHAT I SAY, BUT ALL THEY CAN DO IS EDGE CLOSER FOR A SCRATCH. I SEE THE WORLD GOING BY, NOW AS AN OUTSIDER LOOKING IN. SO FAR I’VE BEEN ABLE TO FILL MY DAYS WITH SOME SORT OF ACTIVITY BUT EVEN THOSE ARE BECOMING HARDER TO COME UP WITH. I SAY TO YOU ALL, LOVE THE ONE YOUR WITH NOW BECAUSE WHEN THEY ARE GONE, SE ACABA EL HONEYMOON AND THE WALLS START CLOSING IN. I HAVE MY FAMILIA PERO NO ES LO MISMO. NO ESTAN AQUI CON MIGO. LOVE N BLESSINGS TO ALL N THX FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RANT!

I just said that I can’t imagine what he’s been through these last 3 years since my mom passed, and that I wished I could go see him more often. I wish it was easier to come over and have dinner or just coffee. But it’s not. I can’t leave every weekend. I can’t afford that. But I also told him that he’s always welcome here, even though I know this isn’t his home.

sigh

Just makes it harder to deal with. My biggest fear was always my dad being alone after my mom passed, and here it is. I am hoping, fingers crossed, that it will be MUCH easier to do things in the coming weeks, but I am not going to get into that right this moment, because all of that shit is screwed up, and will hopefully be fixed by monday. Bank/accounting error that threw my account heartily into the negative. So, that will be another entry down the road.

Alright, so yeah what else. We have nothing going on this week besides physical therapy. I missed Friday because of this stupid migraine. I could barely even move my head. This afternoon I laid back down after a couple hours and Randy was still in bed (he fell asleep at like 6 am). We just kind of cuddled and I ended up falling asleep because the migraine came back with a vengeance.

When I woke up around 2, I rolled over and it felt like my brain had fallen from one side of my skull to the other. The headache that ensued was TREMENDOUS. I couldn’t do anything but lay there and gasp for air, because crying made it 10 times worse, and not to mention the boogers that build up when I cry. Then it hurts even more to blow my nose in those situations, which in turn makes me cry more. Soooo I did my best to hold it in....i rocked myself back and forth for about an hour. Randy got up and got me an ice pack.

He used to get up, get me 2 gabapentin and a maxalt. But i don’t/can’t take gaba anymore and I had already taken a maxalt 2 hrs before. I’ve reached my max for the week (6) so I won’t be able to take anymore if it comes back. I don’t want my heart to explode.

We went out to a car show this evening though. I got up around 2:30. We showered and I put on a tight stretchy headwrap that helps. It was hot and muggy out but we got some food and bev and felt a little better.

Tomorrow we have nothing to do, and no money to do anything anyway. So laundry and more cleaning it is. That is usually our Sunday routine. We have to buy groceries in a horrible way so we don’t have much to make for dinner. Well I guess that’s not true. Ugh, my head is fuzzy sorry. I forgot we bought some pork chops last month.

Alright with that being said, I will leave you all be. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend.