all the dumb stuff in Second 1st

Went to therapy yesterday and holly had a student with her. Asked if I would mind being a learning model for her.... her name started with a D and was abnormal but I can’t remember it. .... We did some assessment testing. I can only begin to tell you what they are testing for.... it’s basically how fast my eyes react to seeing something. There are times when the E comes up and I’m supposed to tell them what direction it’s pointing but I don’t even see it. … at all.... in the beginning I tested as being able to read so many lines of an eye chart and my number for seeing while my head was moving was 83.... she said no way she’d let me go back to work any less than 85. This time I tested at 2 more lines on the eye chart and 102! so..... even though I hate the therapy and don’t feel like it’s doing much.... it’s doing something. Goal is 120 though for the fast paced environment of a factory job.

It’s literally days till Sammy moves out. Tensions are high. Sammy is avoiding Rocky like a disease and every word out of Rocky’s mouth is about Sammy.

Rocky and I have bumped heads a couple of times over stupid shit that seriously won’t matter in 2-3 days.

I said something earlier about writing a list of things that have bothered us and giving it to him when he leaves. Rocky said “and writing on the bottom that he’s not welcome back ever!”..... we apparently have very different ideas of how you treat family. So, that was a rub. Sammy had mentioned that he would never move back in unless he needed to between apartments..... like 30 day limit. I honestly have no issues with that. Rocky does. So if Sammy ever asked I would say “you’d have to talk to your brother”. Sammy could have done a ton of things.... more irritating than the things he’s done this whole time.... or lately.... and I’d still let him stay if he had a plan for leaving. Up to a year really. I said “We are not going to argue about what may never happen but I’ve learned a lot from this whole thing, like why I’m solid on us not having kids. I don’t think we would make it until that child made it to college” “well, it would be our kid and they would know how to respect someones things”.... “but we would want to teach them in different ways and it would be an issue”......

fast forward to a few hours later

I’m making him food for the weekend. I was going to make red beans and rice but yesterday when I was going to make Chicken stir fry for the group ..... Eddie sent over ravioli from Olive Garden. We ate that instead and I went to supplement it with Pizza. Well, all the pizza had been eaten. Sammy ate the last one and told no one. I was pretty upset about it last night. This morning I had to go to the shipping place anyway and Publix is right up the street. Red Barron pizzas were on sale so I got 6 of those. It’s not our favorite but it will do as a means of having something just in case. ..... anyways.... I jumped track....

I made the stir fry for Rocky to take to work over the weekend. Honestly, there is still enough to freeze and have next week with the group. I made lemon pepper fish and rice for food to eat now. I had called Rocky in to make his weekend meals. He likes more stuff than I do so I knew I’d make it .... well not to the best of his liking..... so I’d just ask him to do it himself. he did.... while he was putting his containers in the fridge he noted that a left overs box that had Sammy’s name on it was still in the fridge (been in there 2 days). He said “I’m about to toss it”.... whatever.... It hadn’t been 3 days. .... I told him I had no intention of throwing out till Saturday because that’s when Sammy moves. He rolled his eyes.... then went to the cupboard where we keep the bread. Sammy had bought some french bread and it’s been up there a good while. Honestly, it’s probably growing mold.... Rocky looked at it and said he’d checked it every couple of days but I was 100% positive he had only checked it because I told him not to throw out the leftovers. Again we had the “he’s not moving back in” and I’m sure I had said something along the lines of “depending on why” and he responded with “if he moves back in we are getting a divorce”..... how am I not to be upset. Cool that our whole relationship depends on weather or not his brother were to have to move back in.

Like I said different views on family.... and like I said before… I think less and less that they are “brothers”. I went to tell him the fish was done and he had gone to lay down… .like he does when he’s upset.... cause he has all the rights to shut down and I do not.

I went in … made a statement about what he had said.... told him I made food for him which I had… and shut him out of the conversation. Eventually he’s come out and now apparently I’m typing “to avoid talking” .... as if I want to talk