The BIGGAYDAN Picture Show. in The Official BIGGAYDAN Archive.

The BIGGAYDAN Picture Show. - 8/14/2003

It was a dark and stormy night. Meaning, it was nighttime and it was raining heavily out. BIGGAYDAN was with his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND, driving on a small country rain. The INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND voiced her concerns about them being lost. BIGGAYDAN laughed it off, saying how his GIANTMANCOCK would guide him home. Neither noticed the slowly dipping gas guage.

The car rolled to a stop, effectively in the middle of nowhere. The INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND voiced her fears, "BIGGAYDAN, what are we going to do? We're lost in the middle of nowhere. Use your GIANTMANCOCK and fix the situation!"

BIGGAYDAN sighed. "Sorry honey, my GIANTMANCOCK can't solve anything. Not even the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE can fill a gas tank."

The INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND blinked, as if remembering something, "Hey, what about that big mansion right over there?" She pointed to a rather large mansion which they happened to stop right in front of.

"Oh. Guess I didn't see that."

"We should go ask for help."

BIGGAYDAN groaned. "There's something fishy about this." He paused for a moment, to think. "Okay, I'll get my ass soaking wet to go up to that mansion. But, I'm bringing the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE with me. No telling who we'll find in there."

The INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND smirked, "But honey, don't always carry the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE up your ass?"

"Shh. The audience at home isn't supposed to know that."

"Sorry."

They exited their small vehicle, moving quickly towards the front doors, at first. But slowing down to a casual pace, ceding to the onslaught of rain. They were both surprised at some odd looking statues adorning the front lawn. GIANTBOOBIESOFDOOM guarded the front fence. There were numerous bushes in the shape of donuts. The front door itself was in the middle of a MIGHTYVAGINAOFFURY. The INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND privately felt embarassed by the public display of such a personal orifice.

Safely near the front door and out of the rain, BIGGAYDAN picked that moment to reiterate his reservations. "We're standing in the middle of a VAGINA!!! There is something REALLY WRONG going on around here!"

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND shouted back, "I'm COLD, I'm WET in a very NONSEXUAL WAY, and WANT TO GO HOME. We're asking for help."

The two began to argue for a few minutes, until they noticed the door slowly opening. A nicely dressed tall male with long brown hair answered the door, "Mister Anderson.. what good is arguing .. if you're still... STANDING OUT IN THE RAIN. You could have knocked."

BIGGAYDAN was obviously confused by the character. "Wait, I'm not in the REPUBLICANMATRIX."

"You could be, but not in this Adventure of BIGGAYDAN." replied the character, "Timmy hasn't finished that story yet. But still, you could have knocked." He stepped back into the mansion and openned the doors all the way. "Step inside."

The couple stepped inside the mansion. Going up both sides of the wall was a long stairway, and under the archway seemed to lead to the rest of the house. BIGGAYDAN noticed a nude statue of a girl whose boobies were almost as good as his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND's PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES.

"My name is Kivudet. I'm here, obviously, to greet you, but beyond that, Timmy has no idea what my role in this story will be, if any." He glanced over at BIGGAYDAN. "You're so big. You're so gay. You're so.. obviously Dan. I could kiss you if you weren't supposed to be the gayest thing in this story. I can't upstage BIGGAYDAN."

BIGGAYDAN looked at Kivudet. "I have no idea who the fuck you are, but I do know that if you're a friend of Timmy's, I want nothing to do with this place."

"He'll be along now. Let me take all your clothes."

Before BIGGAYDAN could speak, Kivudet snapped his fingers. BIGGAYDAN looked at his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND'S PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES for a moment. Then he snapped back to reality. "Hey, what the fuck, I'm naked!" His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND modestly tried to cover her body with her hands.

"Yes. Yes, you are, BIGGAYDAN. God damn man, you've got a huge cock. You must split her in half when you use that thing!"

It was in that moment the Grand Diddley himself entered the room. Timmy was wearing a sexy red robe and black slippers. That is all that can be seen.

"Oh BIGGAYDAN, I've so been waiting for you."

"You asshole, you set this up! You made me run out of gas and come here!"

"I had nothing to do with it. Well, okay, maybe I did a little. Well, a lot. Okay, okay, I brought you here violating your own free will. Is that a crime? Anyway, BIGGAYDAN, I've got a whole evening of fun and excitement planned for you and I!"

Kivudet interjected, "Wait, you and him? What about me, what am I supposed to do, sit by myself?"

Timmy chuckled, "Eh, you can do his girlfriend, if you want. BIGGAYDAN is so gay, anyway."

BIGGAYDAN clenched his fists and flared his nostrils. "I'M NOT GAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF IT'S RAINING OUT. I DON'T CARE THAT I'M NAKED. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, I'M NOT STAYING HERE ONE MINUTE LONGER, I'M LEAVING!" With that, BIGGAYDAN turned and left the building, leaving his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND behind to wonder what would be done with her.

There was a slight pause as the three realized what had happened. Kivudet turned to Timmy, "Um. He's gone. The story has barely begun."

"He'll be back. He left his girl behind. we know he can't resist her PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES."

She raised her hand slightly, as if to call her turn to talk, "Um. Can I have some clothes? I'm kinda cold."

"Maybe," replied Timmy. "BIGGAYDAN will be back, I know it. I can probably write a way for him to return and let me subject him to unspeakable things. Or I can just stop here and let everybody wonder."