On Writing in Journal

I think I may have made up my mind to actually write.

I’ve been writing since I knew how- about the 3rd grade to be precise. Not journals, or letters, or anything- but long form novels. I’ve never written anything with the intent to publish, save research and paid projects. Those were very… sterile, and impersonal by comparison.
I have so many stories.... so many books piled up just collecting dust. I’ve lost or thrown away too many to count. Who knows if any of them were any good. I never wrote them for anyone else, and I don’t intend for anyone to ever read them. But I think.... maybe I can write for publication.

These last few months, I’ve been really thinking about what it is that I intend to do with my life. I’ve pursued education in hard sciences- which I love and find endlessly fascinating- but it leaves me grasping for employment. Now, after 2 failed startup businesses which I helped to build, and put everything I had into, including a LOT of time, I am burnt out of that life. There’s no way I’d do it again. The last ended just over 6 months ago. I suppose the grieving period is over, and it’s time to look to my future.

I look at my mother; a very successful career woman who earned a specialized degree and rose through the ranks of a good company. Her career for the most part, was incredibly enjoyable for her. She continued her education, becoming invaluable to the company, and rising to be one of the most respected people there. Now, at the end of her career of 20+ years, the company is going through massive changes. She will retire soon with her pension, and a broken heart. She feels almost that all her work and service to this company was meaningless. Sure, she helped people and did great things along the way. But the future direction of the company, and it’s current position, is one that she’s been fighting to reverse.
I wonder, too, how she now feels about all that time spent there that might’ve been put to some other purpose. Some other life goal. I wonder what she sacrificed.

My skill set is pretty diverse and unconventional. My stories are unique (I know because I read a LOT), and I think for the right publisher, they would do alright.