Onward in Current Events

I did not want to write another entry until I was able to report that I had finally replied to some job postings… so yes, I at least applied for one position that I had found online. It’s at an animal shelter. One that does not believe in euthanization. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez adopted a dog from this one actually. Right after they ate lunch at my restaurant. I remember that day, my staff embarrassed me. Anyway, this shelter wanted a cover letter so I spent a couple of hours writing one this afternoon so they better call me for an interview. It only took me five minutes to update the resume portion of it because I had it ready to go in January. I update my resume every year on my birthday. I have three other job postings that I will submit my resume to if I do not get a call by this time tomorrow. This animal shelter is near the university that I want to enroll in and it also has a lot of apartments in the area with some vacancies. The hours are part-time, 2-8pm, which leaves plenty of room for morning classes. I’m overqualified for the job so I should advance to a manager position in no time. Should I even want that bullshit again? No employer wants to promise anybody full-time so I don’t mind applying for part-time positions. I will make myself valuable in no time and get priority when it comes to scheduling. I assume anyway. That’s how it was when I was recruiting and scheduling.

As I was updating my resume and writing my cover letter I fell in love with myself again. At least on paper. As an employer, I’ve skimmed through my fair share of resumes so that is why I was always so confident about my own resume. It is one fine sexy bitch. I did not want to post it on Indeed.ca because I know that my old boss likes to browse through resumes on there. He always laughed at our employees who snuck theirs on there. I am tempted to just post it so that he can see it and hate himself for letting me go. Like seeing an ex out of nowhere and having to accept that they are out of your league now. Actually, I am going to post in on there for the job positions that are not posted on there. Why am I playing so hard to get? Like, damn.

Yesterday I got together with Toni and Hetal and we went to a park that Hetal had never been to in our city. It’s on the other end of the city and I was so nervous about my car. I actually have a lot of anxiety about my car these days. I kind of want it to get written off so that I can buy a beater. I will not be able to afford car payments, insurance & rent when I move out with Toni. I’m sure that I will figure something out. I don’t actually want to get into an accident so that I can write it off. This paragraph was actually supposed to be about a man that we saw and not about my car.

This man that we saw was actually at the Forks. The Forks is at the heart of my city, it’s where two rivers meet and that is where my ancestor’s traded goods for thousands of years before like, you know… white people. ANYWAYS it’s a hotspot in my city now and that is where everything happens and it is my favourite part of Winnipeg, my city, so I spend a lot of time there. There are walkways along those rivers and while we were in the middle of a conversation down one of those walkways there was a guy that ran by us who was absolutely breathtaking. We lost focus and were rendered speechless as he ran by. He was cut, absolutely shredded and the girls that I was with were rendered speechless. I would have joined them but I am still obsessing over what his diet must look like and what his workouts must consist of. I’m thinking CrossFit and a keto diet. That’s the weird thing about being gay, when an attractive guy comes along we can either become attracted to them or become kind of envious of them. Like jealous or intimidated. He was my height, maybe weighs 20lbs more than I do and has the body that I wish to have. Probably took him a year to get those results. He is an ectomorph like I am but is naturally built to be huskier and his 3D delts made me hate myself so much. Endomorphs always seem to have it so much easier but they’re usually like 5 foot whatever who cares. I need to do pullups and handstands to get the results that I want but I will never achieve that perfect V shape and I am also too embarrassed to be seen trying to do that in a gym. I must get over it though. While I was driving my grandmother around I kept seeing younger men with perfect bodies and I just couldn’t get over much how I hate myself now lol.

Speaking of other people’s bodies, Toni casually told me how disgusted Bob, her fuckboy, gets when he sees an overweight person. He makes snide comments about them whenever he gets a chance. I was so triggered when she told me that. Like, stop seeing him! His response is exactly what all my overweight friends are afraid of! They’re scared of gyms because of people like him! I know that he is insecure about his micropenis and all but like, why can’t he just get a fuckboy car with fuckboy tinted windows and keep his fuckboy mouth shut? I hate toxic men so fucking much, mind you, I was that monster in my twenties. People can be sickening no matter what size they are as long as they own it! People like Bob make it so hard to love oneself. I don’t want to be that person who needs to shrink everybody else to feel bigger and better than them. I used to be that guy and I made a choice to not be that person anymore.

Speaking of monsters, I realized something this morning. It’s a civic holiday so when I went for a run I crossed paths with other people that were running in my neighbourhood for the first time ever. They were all women. Whenever I crossed them they would smile and give me a little nervous wave. I gave one back because I suspected that they wanted to see a friendly face. I had time to overthink it and I wondered if a straight man would have interpreted that as a “hey, she wants the D I should stop her and say hello and be a fucking creep to her.” Then I wondered if those women were afraid that I was a predatory man? I don’t blame them for wanting to see a friendly face so I made sure to wave and smile back even though I hate doing that shit because I hate the idea of women having to be 10% conscious about this. This morning I woke up before everybody in the house and my niece stepped out of her room in tears, she had a nightmare. I held her until she felt better and it’s always in those moments when I think about how she feels safe and loves every inch of her body but when she grows up men will make her scared and insecure. It’s like, toxic men like her father don’t believe women have these issues because he’s never needed someone to walk him to his car and he’s never felt pressure to look a certain way… or so he thinks. Times have changed and now men are suffering from this same toxic idea that we need to act and look a certain way to be a man. Anything else shrinks them… I don’t want to keep ranting about this. I’m going to finish my supper and continue watching Avatar: The Last Airbender. Netflix picked up a fourth season and I can’t wait! The writers have always said that they had a fourth season ready to go that was going to be a long and painful Azula redemption story. They put that season on hold to help produce the movie that bombed. First of all, they white washed it and second of all… I didn’t notice that the movie sucked until I watched the animated series lol.

Last updated August 05, 2019