Sola Sistim in The Song Remembers When

I have a new answer to the question “What’s your favorite horror movie?” and my answer will still surprise you.

My answer used to be Titanic. Nobody really understood that but I would remind them of the massive loss of life that happened in that movie, all those people at the end clinging for life; when that movie came out, it scared the fuck out of me. It was definitely more terrifying and had more death than the entire Friday the 13th series combined. Freddy Kreuger doesn’t scare me when he’s hacking away at some teenager with knives on his hand, but that old couple cradling each other in bed as water seeps into their room, I was bawling.

My new answer follows along the same lines, although it’s not about the scale of death (only one person dies), but it’s the psychological torture. Some people will watch it and think “oh what a shame” but I went through a milder version of this because this movie is based on a real person. The movie I’m talking about is Boy Erased.

I had an entire mental breakdown watching that movie. That is the kind of maniacal logic I was subjected to and it’s disheartening, meant to strip you of any part of yourself that you feel secure about and reprogram you. It’s fucking terrifying, and it’s real.

Now, all of that aside, the other part of the movie that made it more real to me was the fact that it is a period piece. No, it is not set in the 1980s or the Edwardian era, in fact, if you weren’t paying attention, you might not even notice that it’s a period piece. But I did, because it was set in my period. There are T-Mobile Sidekicks, scrolling paper billboards and pop music from an era that’s only about 15 years removed, but still a completely different era.

At one point, a song starts playing that actually pulled me out of the movie and sent me on a complete journey all my own. That song is Sola Sistim by Underworld. I’m sure I’ve posted it numerous times before, it’s one of those songs that is so weaved into my life that it’s almost impossible to imagine not hearing it around certain people in certain places.

I thought about these people and these places, then was propelled back into this movie. I was where I was with my loves and my people while he was there dealing with this. It was such a schizoid moment for me. I get really fascinated about people living their lives in tandem with mine.

The movie is heartbreaking and incredibly unsettling. Yes, Troye Sivan is in it and yes, he was EXACTLY like me in real life and it was confusing. Because I’m still that way, still waiting for it all to begin. What a difficult journey.

Anyways, here’s the song.