Pix 8/5/2019 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

This will be whatever Chive shares I feel like posting if I feel like posting any.

I do have to say… one thing that is constantly plaguing my mind even now? That damned Time Travel concept. Because knowing about “anxious attachment” and being able to discuss it with someone as I grow up… I can’t help but think I would have been better off. I mean… take me back to the year 2000. I can be more, do more, be healthier, and live a better life. That’s what is going through my brain. How I would have dealt with the New Years Party better, particularly. And every social setting thereafter.

Switching modes: Guys, guess what: EVEN MORE SEX CRIMES! EVEN MORE SEX CRIMES INVOLVING JUVENILES! Gah. Rassa frassa friggin’.... grump. I’m not bitching. Special Victims is my jam and they need an attorney who is looking to fight but also be compassionate. I get it. But… the surprise volume of those cases for this year! That’s what kind of stops me for a second. Like… what the hell?! Why so much sexual assault this year? Our county is only 17,000 people. According to my (could be totally off) math… that means that more than 5% of this county are now charged with Sexual Assault Crimes, most of them involving Juveniles. No wonder I have such a shitty outlook on humans. I mean.... that’s 5% of the population for sexual assault.... the Domestic Violence and No Contact Order Violation Numbers are a lot higher than the Sexual Assault Numbers. So… yeah. Honestly. I think I have to accept that no less than 20% of the population of this county is charged with or convicted of Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence, or Violating a No Contact Order. If you add in drug charges? My God! That’s… really fucking depressing!!!

The complications of my brain. So… after having a really big upsetting moment about all of the damned sexual assault being committed; I read some random entries on Prosebox.
Random Entry 1: About how amazing sex with the writer’s man is and, unlike usual, she didn’t need to ride him to get off. (Continue with description of how she got off and how hard)
Random Entry 2: About the awesome reaction the writer got from wearing a full lingerie set for her man and how it made her feel ultra sexy and super confident to do what she wanted to in the bedroom
Random Entry 3: About the writer’s depression taking hold and the only thing keeping her alive is her daughter
Random Entry 4: A Male writer (fairly rare) describes his loneliness and emptiness after his divorce
Random Entry 5: A Memorial Post commemorating the Death by Suicide of a good friend many years later
Random Entry 6: An admission of witnessing domestic violence and not knowing if or how to intervene
Random Entry 7: Medical Update on Life Threatening Condition
Random Entry 8: A discussion about compromise in a long-term relationship to keep both parties “happy enough” but also not “100% fulfilled”
Random Entry 9: A description of “regular life” with the confession that sometimes love in a marriage is finite and some days you just really don’t care for your spouse.

SO… those were the 9 random entries. Want to know how they made me feel?
1: Envious… I haven’t brought a woman to orgasm in months and would love to
2: Envious… I don’t even get FOREPLAY let alone sexy eye candy
3: Sad, Powerless… I can’t help people through their depressions but I would love to encourage them to keep fighting.
4: Poignant… as envy-ridden and upset as 1 and 2 make me, and get me to think “Hey, maybe if you get divorced, you could find a woman willing to fuck you and wear sexy things for you”… then to read that and… yeah, obviously. IF the marriage implodes, you and Wife won’t hate each other… you’ll just both be really sad you failed and that depression will worm its way into your heart and live there.
5: Reflective… I don’t take the time to remember my friends who’ve died, at least not often enough. I had a lot (a lot) of friends die from cancers, heart defects, accidents or suicide… and I don’t take time to think about them like I should
6: Frustrated but Understanding… it makes all the sense in the world to me to intentionally not intervene in a Domestic Violence situation. But my side isn’t winning this battle, sadly. The Law isn’t stopping this epidemic. We need to find something that might work.
7: Self-Conscious… I spend so much time whinging on about my failing marriage and my unmet needs and yet… there are people staring death in the eye and smiling.
8: Reflective and Poignant… it is information known to me. It is obvious. Compromise is important. But when does compromise become surrender? I want a marriage where my Wife is interested in me emotionally and physically. Is that something that can be compromised on? Is that something that should be compromised on?
9: Reflective and Sad… I’d be lying if I said I never felt those days but the days I don’t love my Wife are almost always days where my emotions are reactions. Days where her coldness or dismissive-ness has cut so deeply that I have to shut down part of my heart to heal. And so I wonder if Attachment work will help that or if I’m just… asking her to change too much of herself?

And then I end up all of this by focusing on 1, 2, and 4. Wanting the joy of bringing a woman to ecstasy and feeling her want (and succeed) to return that in kind… wanting the joy of a woman wanting me so much that she cares if I’m turned on… but also not wanting to get divorced if I can help it.

AFTER THESE WORDS WILL BE THE PICTURE PORTION. HUMOROUS, WEIRD, OR SEXY… THE PHOTOS CHIVE SHARED OVER THE WEEKEND AND ON MONDAY THAT I DECIDED TO SHARE IN TURN. BTW, YES I KNOW THIS TAKES TIME. BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, MY LIFE IS ENTIRELY CONSUMED WITH ONE OF FOUR THINGS. (1) MY MARRIAGE ISSUES; (2) AMERICA’S GUN VIOLENCE PROBLEM; (3) JUVENILE SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIMS; (4) MY DOG. SO… YEAH. I’M LOOKING TO LOSE MYSELF IN HUMOR AND HOTNESS. CAN YOU BLAME ME?!

Beautifully Balanced Butts Over Backs (30 Photos)

Honestly, I don’t expect I’ll share much from this one based on the name. But let’s find out!

Ratio of 3:30, or 1:10

Totally useless facts you need to know… kind of (20 Photos)

I haven’t read every state’s statutes but for many states, this would technically be true. Many states only have wording in the law to say “blood alcohol content above”

Ratio of 3:20, or 15%

Selfies with a side of serious cleavage (70 Photos)

Honestly, this one MIGHT have a lot. While I am an unenlightened and passionate leg man; I am not averse to well displayed cleavage. I have noticed, however, that as to legs MOST suffice, I do still have my ‘picky’ moments in regards to cleavage.

Ratio of 10:70, or 1:7 or 14%

We DO NOT deserve dogs: A memoir (36 Photos)

Would, in no way, be surprised if I just share LOADS from this gallery. DOGS!

Ratio of 12:36, or 1:3 or 33%

Top Notch Memes of the Week (25 Photos)

Ratio of 3:25, or 12%

If I am only posting one photo, I don’t do the whole “here’s the gallery” thing but honestly… this picture was such a damned good idea I had to share it. It is an IN GROUND trampoline. I share because our lawn had a trampoline on it by the previous owners, and we now have a GIANT circle of dead lawn. This way seems… better, somehow.

Hotness like this knows no bounds (32 Photos)

If I were a smarter man or had more time and privacy, I would dictate my thought processes on these. Because I do have a running inner dialogue while I do this. Like, I’ll think “This is a really nice picture” and then I’ll think, “Oh, you like Dark Hair but aren’t selecting this photo, why?” and just… I engage in the mental work that I wish I could accurately depict for you all because it is the very heart of why I do this. It is a function of my curiosity and confusion at “Attraction” and what I find attractive and why versus what others might find attractive… and how those change both as societal norms and as personal decisions.

Ratio of 7:32, or 22%

Tommy Boy details almost as funny as a fat man in a little coat (21 Photos)

Ratio of 6:21, or 2:7 or 29%

GIFs that kept GIF-ing all damn week (17 GIFs)

Okay, I don’t know if this makes me enlightened or not but I see that gif and I think “That’s a cute girl” then I see the gif in action and all I can think is “Yow, doesn’t that HURT?!”

And honestly I see this one and, apologies if tmi, I think “Okay, Cowgirl is my favorite position and this just makes me miss it.”

Ratio of 6:17, or 35%

People share the ‘life skill blind spots’ they just can’t do (26 Photos)

Tragically, my list for this would be pathetically long.

Ratio of 3:26, or 12%

Less is more will make you forget all about Shark Week (42 Photos)

Just sharing because this happens more often than not: the way I first saw this picture was just the neckline up and I thought “she’s very pretty” and clicked to save for sharing. Then I scrolled down and said, “Ah. I see.”

I hear you, ladies. You find stuff like this uncomfortable and stupid and demeaning and blah whatever. I also know for a fact that there are women who like to wear this because it makes them feel sexy and/or they love the idea of intentionally doing something for their partner to turn them on. Maybe I’m a needy primitive MAN but… it would be really nice to experience that ONCE.

Ratio of 6:42, or 1:7 or 14%

Then Chive did a thing about assholes trying to shame people for “lower IQs” or people out on social media trying to boast about their “IQs” and… strange.... almost all of them said their IQ score was a 130. And the whole time I kept thinking of my own background where the wise say: I know only that I know nothing. Look down on people for their stupidity when that stupidity leads them to mistake and ruin. Do not look down on people because you think you are their better because of some exam that may or may not have been legitimate. An academic idiot may be the truest friend in a time of struggle; an academic intellect may be the most foolish in a time of need. Celebrate people or condemn people based on their decisions and actions… not their IQ Scores!

Tip of the cap to these dimes (40 Photos)

Interesting experiment time. I am not recognizing the very real hunger pangs in my stomach. Studies suggest that a man who is hungry prefers larger breasts and/or more exaggerated female anatomy. So if this list/share seems significantly different, that would be why.

Ratio of 5:40, or 1:8 or 13%

Unlike sex, husbands will actually get these tweets (25 Photos)

Ratio of 3:25, or 12%

Long, hard day at work with Pinkgoddess16 (76 Photos)

Upon cursory view of this gallery, I typically would not share any of it as it does not show face. That being said, I will anyway because I continue to get bad news that I am powerless to prevent, alter, or repair so… yeah. Still looking to lose myself in humor and/or hotness.

Ratio of 7:76, or 9%

AND NOW.... just random stuff thrown up here.

Pray for our country. Pray for my county. Pray for our children. Pray for me. Thank you.

Chive just posted a Girls in Glasses Gallery and, yeah. LIKELY going to share a LOT of those

Honestly, the above picture is my favorite one FOR THE DAY and, aside from speculation, I can’t clearly articulate why that might be.

Yeah, maybe I’m the worst person. BUT in light of the weekend, Chive tried to do a whole “Remember, people are good, America is great, don’t give up on humans” kind of post. And… I honestly just can’t. It is the hardest part of this job, to be honest. One person kills 20 people in a matter of minutes, and it makes everyone worry and cry and wring their hands for about a week (maybe a little more) and then that’s it. Meanwhile, every day… your down the street neighbor is beating up his wife… or the weird couple in the next town over are selling kids Meth… or the single mom you’re worried is doing drugs is prostituting her 13 year old daughter. But none of you see it. The police and the courts and the judicial system have devoted our time to make sure you believe that all of that stuff happens “other places” to “other people” in “other towns.” Maybe that’s how our system continues to fail the hardest. Maybe we’re not as inclusive as we could be. People think “shit only happens in big cities” because they have the media presence to discuss it. The newspapers in my county run once a week. And they don’t cover every case because they can’t. So the area gets to think “Yeah, we have a meth problem. Same as every little Iowa community. But that’s about it for us.” It isn’t. And while I joyfully dedicate myself to the fight… it is a fight that can’t be won. So yeah… maybe I’ve lost faith in Humanity (again, as I often do). But again… can you blame me?