Evolution, and the Challenges Therein in Everyday Ramblings

No, I did not buy a dragon fruit but could not resist taking a picture of the beautiful display this morning at the grocery.

We are having an interlude in the mid-summer heat wave and are having and in the cloud surrounded by fine mist break in the heat day. This is most auspicious, as it was getting close to unbearable here.

The cats are all back to their normal selves. I slept in maybe 15 minutes this morning and Mr. Nuclear Option was having none of it and knocked a half glass of what was originally iced mint tea over on me and the bed and my pillow and I was trying so hard not to react so he wouldn’t get the idea that this was an effective way of getting me up (even though it most certainly was).

Won’t be going to sleep with a glass of anything near me again anytime in the near future.

One of my ideas for how to get through until full retirement (48 weeks!) was to make a list, a spreadsheet actually, because that is what I do, with all the wellness activities I haven’t been doing since everything got so dramatic and stressful at work.

I was beginning to feel like I was letting myself down, even though I gave myself permission to not get all worked up about my weight.

Yesterday was quiet at work and so I did a number of things on the list and checked them off. I like checking things off. It is one of my favorite activities. Simple things like 10 minutes dedicated to housework above and beyond the basic maintenance stuff, 10 minutes reading my library books, eating a variety of five fruits and veggies a day etc. etc. (I have apricots galore because I had them in my Imperfect Box Monday and Mrs. Sherlock also gave me some with some fresh eggs.)

So here is the thing I don’t get. I am a soda drinker, basically have been since our parents let us stick carrots in glass Coke bottles at social outings to see the reaction as kids. I don’t drink coffee and I don’t drink beer and rarely drink other alcohol these days.

I was a Diet Coke drinker until about 18 months ago when I could not stand the idea that I was addicted to the same beverage as our, well, He Who Shall Not Be Named…

I switched to Diet Dr. Pepper. (I know, talk about way too sweet.) But there you go. I was drinking it for a number of reasons, many of them emotional but I hated that I was. I feel great shame about this soda habit. I drank a lot and am clearly addicted.

There are so many things I hate about the fact that I drink it I made a list of 20 of them and put it on the refrigerator. I actually stopped a few years back for almost a year.

In my mind, yoga teachers do not drink Diet Dr. Pepper.

Last week in the midst of doing the “can I take a medical leave calculation” I ran the numbers on how much money I would save (and not give to the rapacious convenience store and beverage industries) if I stopped drinking it until I retire.

Approximately $1,400.00! Whoa baby.

I was pretty sure this was gong to need to be something I gave up when I retired and I was reading this yogic meditation prompt of the idea of nonattachment or renunciation and thinking about this sense of freedom letting it go would bring.

So I am on my 7th day without any soda (hence the glass of previously iced mint tea that I brewed myself) and while I do feel less anxious and thrilled to not have the kind of exposure I get to those who are suffering and enthralled by the kinds of things convenience stores profit on I do not feel a corresponding boost. It still feels a bit effortful and uncertain.

Why is it that when we let go of something we know doesn’t serve us or get us closer to our ideals we don’t feel as good about the letting go as we did bad about the indulging?

I am blaming it on evolution and my highly developed biological reward system and praying for the awareness and strength to get through tending toward health ‘til next summer on so many levels!

Last updated July 27, 2019