8/2 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

There may be multiple posts today.

On Wednesday, my typically high-pitched and irritating voice settled into a scratchy, rough, sexy baritone. If it weren’t for.. y’know.... throat pain and being sick, I would do whatever I could to keep that tone of voice. I went home and didn’t feel good. Took Nyquil. Bad idea as anything “that may cause drowsiness” tends to get stuck in my metabolism in a strange way. I mean… this condition plus my medication… my metabolism slowed down about 1000% (thus the weight) and taking anything with a medically soporific effect is proof of that as it stays in my system to the limbs for a good 19 hours. So I really rather skipped existing on August 1st but for staying home and the like. In July, I did not do a Resolution entry because of Hawaii. In August, I shall do one but it shall be postponed until I have proper time to gather the required information. Though, throughout August (and perhaps beyond) I shall include at the bottom of my entries some accountability for myself in regards to some bad habits and some good habits.

I will say this… staying home sick gave me an “interesting” insight on a few things. For instance: Wife did a lot outside. She’s trimming trees, weeding, mowing. She’s really taking care of household stuff. AND gave me a big ol’ kiss recently (so 3 kisses in 1 week). But… I mean… context is important and the fact that 3 kisses in one week is so bloody notable is a warning sign, too. Not to mention that she hasn’t been walking Nala or playing with Nala so the poor dog is bored and restless. Typically, I’d throw it back on myself, too, and say “I’m at fault as well” but in context? We gave Nala a walk on Friday and Saturday. Skipped Sunday. Monday, we were too busy with Dog Training. Tuesday, we were too busy with the Concert. Wednesday, I went home early due to illness. Thursday, I stayed home due to illness. So here we are back at Friday and Nala hasn’t gotten a walk in a week and the two days that were possible, I was in no shape to walk her. So… as for counseling tomorrow; I have a room mate, a house manager, and a business partner. Wife needs to work on her dog mom abilities, true. But I don’t have a wife, girlfriend, or lover. And maybe this is a situation where someone would say, “If she’s taking care of your house and money; what more do you want?!” But the answer is… a relationship. Yeah, letting this woman share my home and my bed is a “cheap price to pay” for a live-in housekeeper, gardener, and banker. But I want more out of life. I want a woman with whom I can say, “I love you” and expect to hear it returned within 24 hours. I want a woman with whom I can sit and kiss. I want a woman with whom I might perchance to have sex with more than 5 times a year (if that). And we are absolutely getting to the point where if Wife can’t be that woman, doesn’t want to be that woman, or needs “a few more decades” to be that woman… then I can’t keep waiting. We’ve been together since 2005. 3 kisses in one month, sex 3 times in 8 months, two “I love you” statements in one month (both of which under forced or requested circumstances)??? That isn’t a healthy or vibrant relationship. That is what you would expect to see as a relationship dies.

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So, I know kids are kids and the definition for a kid now extends to someone in their late 20s, early 30s… but.... some things I’ll never understand. If you speak with an attorney who says “Do x, we’ll y.” And you don’t remember what X is… call that attorney back! If you do “this is kind of x”, you can’t be upset if the attorney didn’t “y”. Because, for example, if you call me and say “If I send you a photograph of an apple, can you buy me an apple” and I say yes… then you send a photograph of an apple to someone else… I’m not going to know to buy you an apple, let alone be in a position to do so. Just… a little… “lesson for adulting” I suppose. I struck a plea deal with someone that if he gave me evidence of X before trial date; I’d dismiss his case. Trial Date came and went; so we found him in default. He just called saying he sent evidence of X to someone who e-mailed him saying, “I don’t know why you’re sending this to me.” He only JUST NOW called us to try to figure out what happened. You know when the appropriate time to call would have been? Before your trial date. I mean.... if this was something that could have changed the entire course of this young man’s life? I’d have a bit more empathy (but no more power to change matters). But what happened is that he went from being required to pay $60 to being required to pay $100. That’s all. Consider it a $40 Adult Tax.

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Hopefully, this doesn’t come off as condescending or douchey… but if it does, then I’ll deal with it.

Last night, Wife was looking up some Voice Actors in an Anime I was showing her. She mentioned how surprised she was at how many Voice Actors were born in Texas. Because Texas is, in many ways, THE Voice Actor State with a huge group of VA Studios in the DFW area. I mentioned that it isn’t that surprising because what you see growing up is what you expect the world to be; so people that grow up around Voice Actor Studios are infinitely more likely to try for those kinds of jobs. She seemed… still very confused at this. And I didn’t understand why until a few hours later. Rural versus Urban Background Information. I grew up in The City. “Actor” seemed like a valid job choice to me because between Churches, Television Studios, Playhouses, Auditoriums, etcetera… people were always looking for actors. So at a young age, I was able to make the choice and find the work. Which is why I said what I did about Texas and Voice Acting. There are an absolute fuckton of places to act in the DFW area and if you’re acting there, it significantly increases the likelihood that a director or casting agent sees you and likes you. But Wife grew up rural. To put it into numbers… her town had 6,000 people… my town had 700,000 people.... and DFW has about 2 million. So she doesn’t see how “access” and “proximity” can make such a big difference on a person’s formation because those just aren’t things she had growing up. For her, if you wanted to be something… it was your choice, or you wanted to follow a relative into their profession. But it is more than city, as she stated, it is State. Iowa isn’t exactly the Mecca for Independent Studios or Voice Acting. Texas has Funimation, Rooster Teeth… between Houston, Dallas, Fort Worth, and Austin… the number of studios and classes offered uniquely in voice acting is immense. So, J. Michael Tatum: Born in Texas; Ian Sinclair: Born in Texas; Monica Rial: Born in Texas; Josh Grelle: Born in Texas; Todd Haberkorn: Born in Texas; Cherami Leigh: Born in Texas; Luci Christian: Born in Texas; David Matranga: Born in Texas; Justin Cook: Born in Texas. Not to mention how many of these people AND people that weren’t born in Texas that become Voice Actors went to COLLEGE in Texas. It’s the whole big thing. If you want to excel in Business: Go to New York. If you want to excel in Music: Go to Nashville. If you want to excel in film acting: Go to Los Angeles. If you want to excel in improvisation; Go to Chicago. Voice Actors go to/come from Texas. Here in Iowa? Actually… we don’t anymore; but we used to make News Readers. With the “neutral midwest” accent, we would raise our “no accent having” kids to grow up and read the news and weather for people all around the country. But we don’t do that much anymore. Partly because other places can just teach the accent and partly because less of Iowa is accent-free. FAR TOO MUCH of Southern Iowa just sounds like Missouri now. It’s a shame.

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For work today there are three things on my list
(1) Prepare myself for next week
(2) Prepare myself for the month of August
(3) Today, I have to meet with a 15 year old girl that is likely very upset that we’re charging her 22 year old boyfriend with a crime for having sex with her. Well… I’m sorry but the laws are pretty clear. You have to wait until you are 16 or your boyfriend must be within 4 years of your age. Your boyfriend is 7 years older and an adult that can legally drink… he shouldn’t be dating someone that young. And no, this isn’t about anger or jealousy. The two of you have been dating less than a month, he knew your age, and you had sex. You write him text messages about love and how he makes you feel super special and… I hate to be the buzzkill here; but I have a Juvenile Case Load filled with women who were in your position. “I love him, I’ll have sex with him” when the baby comes, he bolts and you’re stuck at 16 taking care of a kid with no education. Frankly THE REASON why this is a crime is because of the power dynamics. An older guy makes you feel special, says that “all the girls his age are having sex” so you need to as well… c’mon. Go watch Uncle Buck or something for shit sake.

NOW FOR NO REASON I AM GOING TO CHOP UP SOMEONE ELSE’S SURVEY AND POST THE QUESTIONS I CARE ABOUT ANSWERING FOR NO REASON

How long were you with your last S.O?
I have been with Wife since 2005; the last S.O. before that was February 2004 to August 2004.

Have you ever been sexually harassed?
Actually, yes. I have been catcalled while in Drag, catcalled while in workout gear, and grabbed inappropriately without my consent

Are you in a “I wouldn’t mind if I lost 50 pounds” kind of mood?
VERY much so! I’m tired of being medically considered Obese especially as the True Me (the one that lives inside my mind) is a solid 80 pounds lighter!

Have you ever sent a naughty text message?
I consider this to be Cell Text or Messaging Text; so yes. Large parts of my relationship with Aoife and my entire “relationship” with Raven were these messages.

Are you more worried about marriage or a career?
At present, I am more worried about my Marriage as I feel between the two, there is more support and desire to reach a common goal at work.

Are you a good liar?
Sometimes. I have a penchant for being clever so occasionally I can spin an excellent lie

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
I we were at the foot of the bed and looking at the bed like a map; I sleep on the West Side, typically in the Gulf of Adelaide

Do you speak any foreign languages?
I have High School Spanish, some conversational German, snippets of French, Chinese, and Japanese

Are you on good terms with your most recent ex?
We used to hold contact but we don’t anymore.

Who has texted you today?
Damn scammers!

Have you ever been at a tailgating party?
Never, officially. My friend from college still goes to the UNI games and tailgates but… that never really appealed to me. If I want to drink and watch football: it is cheaper, more convenient, and less risky to do so from my own home.

Who taught you how to ride a bicycle?
Credit where it should go: My mom, My dad, my Brother, my Grandfather. I did NOT want to learn how to ride… it was a means of conveyance that relied on a contraption that had no stability!

How long have you had your pets?
We’ve had Nala for approximately 125 days or a little over 4 months

What would you name your daughter if you had one tomorrow?
Depends on the mother and mood of the day. Molly, April, Gemma, Amelia, Autumn

Is money important to you?
It is but not as important as I expected it to be; but that is likely because I’m not the banker in the family. If I had to spend one night a week really pouring over the books, I’d be a lot stingier.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
Honestly, I don’t think so. I know I stole a hug on Monday, I know I tried for one on Wednesday but I don’t remember if that one landed.

Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be. A smile and greeting with a head nod is my standard default

Is it possible to be single and happy?
I think it is. I don’t think I would have ever found it prior to my marriage. I was super focused on trying to find someone to the point of misery; so I don’t think I stood a chance at it. If I were to be single now? My answer would be a conditional yes. If I made enough money to hire a Housekeeper and a Gardner? Then maybe.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
comme ci comme ça

Do you change your phone background a lot?
I would say no. I’ve maybe changed it three times since purchasing it; but I can’t recall if that was last year or the year before.

Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in 6 months?
THAT is the million dollar question. Will I begin divorce proceedings next year? Will Wife embrace an open marriage concept if she decides she wants to be married but doesn’t want to be romantic or sexual? How will things change?

Missing anybody?
Almost always. I tend to miss the people that I don’t feel I properly appreciated when growing up

Wouldn’t it be kinda annoying to have to share a bed every night?
Not at all. I like sharing a bed with a human and/or pet. I’d like it even more if the human and/or pet were a snuggly cuddler or a sexy minx type.

Do you think that smaller breeds of dogs are cuter than big ones?
I prefer larger dogs; but Nala is pretty fucking adorable!

When was the last time that you slept in a tent?
It was during college while dating Thompson so since 2004, 15 years ago

Have you ever been able to pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin?
None listed but I’d count the Seahorses and Octopi in Hawaii

What causes or issues do you feel most passionate about?
Passionate about Education, Economic Policy, Mental Health Care, and Climate Change

What was the last television show that you sat and watched multiple episodes of?
I just bought the special edition of Death Parade

Is there anything significant happening this month?
Actually, no. Big trials are next month and Labor Day is next month so… nothing out of the ordinary.

If one famous fashion designer was going to fill your closet with free clothes, which designer would you want it to be?
If Tom Ford and Vera Wang wanted to do a partnership for my wardrobe, I’d love it!

If you had a work office that you would be allowed to decorate any way you want, how would you decorate it?
I actually think I’m allowed to decorate my office any way I want to… I just don’t. Decoration isn’t… much of a thing for me in spaces unless it is also functional or demonstrating a collection. Like, if I had a big enough collection of something Work Appropriate, I’d definitely decorate my office with it.

What do you like most about winter?
A good excuse to stay indoors

If you could excel at one sport, what would it be?
If I could be naturally skilled at any sport, I’d want it to be running as that seems like it would have significant practical applications

Would you ever name an animal after another animal? (For example, naming a dog Badger)
Yes, but only because I would want to name a really small dog CAT

Ever saved an animal’s life? How?
Arguably, getting the vet to cut off Hope’s leg may have kept the cancer from metastasizing so maybe

Read any good books lately?
Nueromancer was pretty good. I should continue reading Count Zero but… there’s a reading why I do my best reading on vacation!

Ever buy boxers as a present for someone?
I have not, but I’ve had boxers gifted to me before

Witness any random acts of kindness today?
I work in a prosecutor’s office. All I see are random acts of violence

What do you really want to buy?
I have nothing I really want to buy. I have things I’d like to possess but almost none of them have a price tag.

Is your laundry basket/hamper full?
Often.

What’s your song of the day
Tacky by Weird Al Yankovic

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I have to admit… sometimes I wish my life were more interesting for readers, lol. My life is basically JOB (dealing w/the worst of humanity in a way that allows them to continue to be the worst of humanity), INTERESTS (video games, reading, anime, comic books), and MARRIAGE (celibate routine living together relationship). I wish I could write, “Massive victory!” or “Mind blowing sex” or “Holy Shit, did I accidentally go on a date?!” or… something.

AUGUST 1st:
Drank Soda: Dr. Pepper Cherry
Drank Alcohol: Admiral Nelson’s Rum
Orgasm: Self-Stimulation (would it really benefit anything to mention the type of video/story?)
Video Games: Borderlands 2