Pep Talk in Current Events

I think that I have to restructure everything that I do throughout a day because I need to stop being comfortable with my life right now. I’m going to spend time with my day planner later and get myself mentally ready to take on next week. I love that new year new me drive that I get in January but I hate how that dies after a couple of months so I bought two cute day planners that have cute motivational quotes and little lists to write down all your goals and I gave one of those planners to my sister Miranda for when she starts her life over in Brandon. She loved it and I could tell that it made her day. Her life completely fell apart and she was talking it so hard. She was talking about just ending it all and that freaked me out. I filled the rest of the family in on what was going on with her and we showed her that she has love and support and every reason to fight and go on. She really felt that. She was humbled and she moved to Brandon with a lot of faith and ambition and she is currently doing great.

Shortly before I lost my job my mother reached out to me because she was experiencing some troubling side effects from her new medication. She was experiencing crippling depression and suicidal thoughts. She did not know how to relate to anyone while she was going through it so we spent a lot of time together while we waited for that medication to leave her system. Now I am currently trying to get her to feel comfortable with the idea of going to see a therapist or counsellor because a lot of unprocessed feelings came up during that bad episode and those feelings will always be there and they could hurt her again in the future. She’s pretty open to it now actually but she needs months and months to get up the nerve to do it… remind you of anyone? lol

So here I am at rock bottom. Only I don’t feel like I have nothing. I have a lot of room for growth. My roots are not deep I can go anywhere and be anything. I learned who will be there for me when my life gets tough, I learned that I can land on my feet and handle myself with a lot of dignity and grace. I learned what my boundaries are and which walls that I need to build up and which ones I need to tear down. I’m building courage, I’m building new strengths and I’m learning what to value. I have room for new people and to have new experiences in my life. My life does not feel over. I do feel hurt and down sometimes but those are just growing pains. I’ve learned long ago to just have faith in myself. That I need to look forward to life. Drama and upsets can make us short-sighted, make it hard to see a future without the things that hurt us. I can do it though, I can see myself above this. I can see myself looking back at my life the way it is right now and feeling proud of all my growth. There are new faces and new places ahead of me to feel excited about. I am absolutely terrified of my next journey, it is actually crippling because it is new territory for me but it’s not like that journey will shrink me. It is just more things that I will learn how to figure out.

K, I think I am done with trying to pep talk myself here. It’s too hot to go for a run but I think I will just risk a heat stroke because I need to clear my head a bit.

Last updated July 28, 2019