I need a break. in 2014

Things around here are still coasting... Problem is, he keeps doing things or starting arguments that solidify my decision. How DUMB can you get?? He still wants very much for this to work out. I want it to work out because I want my kids to have a family. But right now, I don't want to be with him at all. We see each other in the morning, its pleasant ish... lunch time he comes home, Miley is in school, Evelyn is napping. After work at 5 he comes home, we have dinner, get kids ready for bed and put them to bed, and he leaves. Not a lot of time to fight in there.

But somehow he still manages. I refuse to engage so long as the kids are around.

My kids still struggle at bed time. I'm so beyond tired of this. Its almost been a year of fighting with Miley to go to her room, and stay in there. She takes over an hour to fall asleep still, and most nights gets up and comes out here 15-20 times. I've tried literally EVERYTHING. Everything. Aside from drugs of course. Things start to go well and then something happens that fucks it all up like she gets sick or something so I bend one small rule and the whole thing falls apart. Like when they had the flu, I let Miley go to bed with a thing of water. Now she wants one every night.

Just stupid shit like that.

I guess I'm just frustrated. Mostly because I can straight up tell Chris what would make me happy, and he just doesn't do it, which leads me to believe he subconsciously doesn't want this either.

I wrote this all earlier. Now we are here, and I guess I'm just having a bad day. Like you know those days where you look around the house at everything and everything irritates you? One of those days. My period is due in 2 days so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. The fact that my driveway isn't shoveled. The fact that he was the last to use the truck and the tires weren't straightened out. The fact that the grapes were on the wrong shelf as well as the spinach and the mustard and buffalo sauce...the juice in the pantry isn't where it should be, so everything is making me mad. The dog peed on the floor like 4 times... Well, I guess out of all this, only 2 of these things should really piss me off.

My kids wont stop making messes, they destroy literally everything... I'm in need of a break so badly.

Kristen <3