Sad Things in ❅journal 2019❅

I keep forgetting to mention, I run a online support group. It’s stressful but i feel at home there, well kinda.

Last night i felt like i hated. I was told by a member i was using my anger on them when i wasn’t. Do to annoucement a mod wrote i got heavy backlash for. I feel like crap.

I cried a lot last night, i had just been conviced by a member i saw as a brother my feelings where just muggy and they all cared for me. But nope. Not happening, a few members honestly just dislike me.

sigh Times like these i just wanna cry. I can’t loose my support group. I was asked twice if i wanted to step down as a leader and i felt vomit fill my mouth. No. Never.

If that becomes a clear sign, if someone tries to start a revolt against me or something I’ll let it loose. I don’t like showing my emotions but i will then. I won’t hold back. I’ll smother it before it even begins.

But i know they would never do that. Not after how much love I’ve given. No. But if they did…i think I’d just rot inside. Into bits and pieces. And crush them.