I hate the unknown in Torridaussity Two

I promise someday soon I will stop writing about this whole messed up situation. I say this because I don't want to have to think about it anymore, but until that day comes this is my place to vent and let it out. Today at church I prayed that I have truly forgiven my friend for treating me in a way less than what I deserve.

I have forgiven him, I just wish I knew why he changed so quickly in basically a week. Was it all because of the letter? (please read previous entry if you never read anything else of mine and give me an opinion) Was it because he crossed that friendship line in a drunken mistake and still feels bad about it and can't face me especially after I wrote what I think was a really nice letter? We did speak once after that mistake and he apologized. I was over the mistake I knew he was drunk and it really was no big deal to me unless, he wanted something more to happen than what did and he is upset by that. I have reached out twice to him through FB messages which is how we communicate 90% of the time trying to see if he even received the package because he hasn't even acknowledged that he got it. I have gotten no answer and that is why I am having trouble letting this go...the unknown. The why?

If he would just tell me I got it, I think it was stupid, I don't want to talk to you, anything, but silence it kills me. I so badly want to reach out again so the silence ends, but what if the silence continues? Why hasn't he deleted me from FB why why why why. Why do I constantly care more about others more than they do about me, this is my history, this is my pattern, I love deeply, I care deeply, I trust easily. I once tried to stop when I was in a dark place and I tried to be an uncaring bitch. It didn't last long, I am not programmed to turn off my feelings. I will never stop caring about my friend even if he never speaks to me again. I will think about him less as the years go bye, but I will never stop caring and never forget him. Two people told me last night that he was never a real friend in the first place to just ignore me like this. I hate to think that because then I wasted 10 years of my life on a person who I meant nothing to. I guess I prefer to look at it that it is just time to move on that this season has ended and a new one is beginning. Like I said I will let this go as time passes and I will vent less and less. For now though I still wish I knew why.