Surveys in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Last night was.... fairly typical. Got home from work. Wife was watching North Woods Law (so, not horror for a change). We took the dog for a walk. Came home and ate dinner. I excused myself to go downstairs and play video games for the first time in 16 days. While down there, I also decided to pleasure myself for the first time in over a week. Not ideal, as obviously I would have rather engaged in something a little more interactive with my wife in that regard, but I rather see the alternative as an acceptable coping mechanism.

It was funny. When I went to bed last night, I got in… had my right leg extended and my left leg bent, and Nala jumped on the bed and rested her body on my right leg and her head on my left. I tried to remain in that position for as long as I could so as not to wake her but… I couldn’t do it. After a while the position grew increasingly uncomfortable, so I had to move the poor puppy. But she quickly found a comfy position again. It is funny. Wife says that Nala has been less cuddly this week. Which I take to mean… Nala isn’t trying to sit next to Wife on the couch all the time. Because as far as night time? She’s more cuddly than ever. She wants to make sure her body and/or head has contact with me or Wife at all times. I’m guessing that is her thinking “You’re not leaving again, and I can’t make sure of that in my sleep, so I’m laying on you!”

This morning was massive rain but the weather facilities were quick to assure us that as soon as the rain stopped we can expect triple digit heat. Ugh. Meanwhile, it is only 8:30 and my To Do List is full. Who knows if that means quick stuff that I can knock out in a few hours or the kind of thing that will keep me busy all day; but.... we’ll see.

(LATER)
GR. Gr and dammit. I appreciate a judge that wants to make sure things are charged appropriately. I do. I appreciate that a lot. HOWEVER, there are different standards in the law. The difference between Probable Cause and Proof are significant. If someone owns a bike that retails for $2,500 and (while they are repairing it) someone takes an axe to that bike causing enough damage to total the bike.... I would say that there is probable cause that the damage to the bike is in excess of $1,000. Our judge disagrees. He is requiring an estimate of the bike’s worth when it was damaged. I get it. As far as justice is concerned; I appreciate it. He wants to make sure some asshat didn’t trash his bike, piss off the wrong guy, watch that dude destroy the remainder of his bike, and now claim full value. I get it. But it is frustrating when you have to pre-prove facts of the case to overcome a Probable Cause hurdle. Like… if he allows us to charge this crime at over $1,000… and we can’t prove over $1,000… then we can’t convict on over $1,000. And a Charging Document that should have been a 10 minute job last night; is now taking up over an hour of my day. GR

After many hours of trodding through things as wonderful (sarcasm) as Child Sex Crimes and Domestic Violence and Total Child Abandonment… I needed a little bit of a mental breather in my day:

AFTERWARDS:

10 Questions to reflect on the half way point of 2019:

1. How has 2019 been for you so far?
   I have to say, in a lot of ways, it has been really good! This is the first year of us owning a house, we have a dog that is amazing, despite the difficulties- I’m still loving my job, and we went on vacation!

2. What are you learning and unlearning?
   I am learning my job more, I am learning to be a better dog owner, I am learning a lot more about myself.
   I am unlearning (or trying to) some of my most fundamental expectations of life. I like who I am in many ways. I dislike who I am in many ways. I appreciate my values but also accept that some of those values have not been sufficiently analyzed or considered. As I continue to grow into the man I am and will become; I am attempting to understand the man I’ve been… and how much of that I want to bring with me.

3. What have you let go of that has lightened the load?
   Trying to control everything. I do this in stages and try more and more each year. But honestly, instead of trying to control everything around me… this year I’ve really just tried to control that which is directly in my sphere. I can encourage, I can push, I can comment… but I can’t do for others… and letting go of that has been helpful.

4. How have you cared for and nourished yourself?
   I’d say the vacation certainly covers this! But also the working out, the ever increasing attempts at a healthy lifestyle, and making sure to keep work/life balance have all done a decent job of this

5. What has brought you the most joy? The most challenge?
   I’d say Nala is certainly both a joy and a challenge… as is my job.
   I’d say Wife has brought a lot of challenge and not an equal amount of joy. Which is unfortunate.

6. What do you want to cultivate in the second half of 2019?
   I want to cultivate my understanding of my job; I want to cultivate new friendships

7. How can you tend to yourself with more compassion?
   I honestly don’t know. My compassion is typically on a parabolic arc. Sometimes strong, sometimes absent. Typically that is for others but I do need to be compassionate with myself as well.

8. What might support you in connecting with yourself + others?
   Finding ways to engage the community; finding time in my schedule to have friends visit more often

9. What do you want to add and what do you want to release?
   I would LOVE to add health to my marriage; but I’m pretty sure we’ve come to the place of realization where… I don’t exactly have a lot of say in that. So instead… I’d like to add more friendship and time enjoying life with other people (even if just internet people.) I want to release anger and resentment and hurt… and we’ll see come December exactly what form that takes.

10. What word or intention do you want to carry into the second half of the year?
    Rise like the sun

What’s your favourite flavour of soda, pop or whatever else you call it?
Either the various color Mountain Dews or Dr. Pepper

What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at?
Almost always at half

Have you ever attended a religious or private school?
Not until Law School, when I attended a Jesuit Catholic Institution

Do you have any pets and are they cuddly?
Nala is intermittently cuddly. For the first few months, she clung to Wife and was very cuddly with her (as Wife was home all day). Not Nala seems less cuddly with Wife and more cuddly with me because I’m the one that she sees less.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
It’s funny. I’ve had a lot of shitty jobs and, as some of you know, it felt for a long time that I was just going deeper and deeper into the shit barrel. But I think the worst one so far was working for the Chinese. That was unbearable.

How many cars does your household own?
2; a CVR and an Accord

Do you know anyone named Edward or any nickname of that?
You know, I had to think pretty hard but the answer is yes. My dad’s cousin married a man named Ed; and my dad’s cousin’s daughter named her son Edward.

What time do you usually have dinner?
It depends. When I’m in charge, between 7 and 8. When Wife is in charge, between 7 and 10.

Are there any cracks or scuffs on your phone?
Lots of fingerprints!

What’s your favorite meat?
Either pork or lamb

Do you need glasses to read or drive or need them all the time?
I need my glasses all the time or else everything is just colored blurs

How did you celebrate your last New Years Eve?
I honestly have no recollection

Is the internet fast where you live?
It is acceptable in speed; but so many of the things I want to do get interrupted simply because of random interference with the WiFi.

What is your favorite meal of the day and why?
Typically, Dinner because it is the only meal I eat where I just… eat. Like, I work through almost every lunch and rarely have breakfast so.... dinner is the meal to eat.

Do you like long surveys or short surveys better?
Long surveys can be wonderful on slow days. Short surveys are better for days like today where I’m just… looking to focus on something less horrible for a moment

Xbox, PlayStation or neither?
Funny story. I was Nintendo (when they were IT) so I wanted to stay with Japanese Systems and bought a PS2. It died a LOT. So often and had to be replaced so many times; I swore off the Playstation entirely. I would ONLY be X-Box from then on! Fast forward to the last year of Law School, and my Study Group all agrees to buy PS4s so we can play Destiny together, lol.

Have you ever been to a cocktail bar?
A few

Do you consider yourself a fast typer?
I am typically a fast typer, but I will admit that today my typing speed SUUUUCKS. Between mental fog, construction, and heat… my fingers aren’t cooperating well.

What’s the best amusement park you’ve ever visited?
I haven’t been to many of the BIG ONES… like, I’ve done Adventureland, Arnold’s Park, Six Flags Chicago, Busch Gardens Virginia, and Disney World. That’s it. So of those? Disney World

Do you keep the cabinets in your kitchen and bathroom organized?
Yes, but not as by my choice. I have too much of my mother in me, so I’d typically be disorganized… but I have too much of my father in me, so I’d be annoyed at myself for the disorganization. My Wife keeps the kitchen very organized and even has me place “freshly cleaned” dishes at the bottom of stacks in the cabinet so that we “go through” what was already in the cabinet before using the ones we last used/washed

Have you ever had a romantic fling?
I’m not sure I understand the concept of fling in this usage. Does fling mean… short, fun, and no strings… or.... what

Are you a very forgetful person?
I can be. Sometimes I have a mind like a steel trap and can remember and recall things like an impressive human camera. Then there are other days where I can’t even trust myself to remember to do a specific something after work.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?
I’m probably wrong on this one but… to my recollection Alita: Battle Angel

What color is your shampoo?
Green

Are you doing anything tomorrow?
Tomorrow is Friday… tomorrow is friday!! Honestly… despite trying to be healthier… I’ll probably be picking up alcohol and playing video games. I mean… I have 5 Hours of depositions tomorrow ALL focused on the sexual assault of two children under the age of 13. I’m going to have earned drinking and playing video games!

Do you know anyone who’s gotten pregnant over the age of 40?
Yes, but I can’t recall names right now. Only two people I know, though.

Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home?
I’d like to say my Wife because she winds up putting the lists together; but she typically won’t even go TO the grocery store without me present so… I’d say “both of us, at the same time”

Are you listening to music right now?
No. I probably should be. That might make me feel better.

What was the last thing you had to eat?
A donught. Yeah, yeah, bad health. BUT seriously… I was lagging. I needed a quick infusion of sugar to get through the 9 page petition to the court seeking relief for these abandoned children

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?:
If I were pregnant, I’d slap the doctor across the face and write the Hospital’s medical board that he be fired. I mean… setting aside how long it has been since I had sex, I’m a man. lol
If the doctor were to tell me that my wife was pregnant? I’d ask her about it. Either she raped me, or she was raped, or she’s been cheating on me. If it is cheating; insta-file for divorce… don’t refuse me sex and go have sex with someone else. That’s cold as hell. If she was raped? Have a VERY serious discussion as to why she didn’t tell me, go to a hospital, or call the police.

Was there anyone who “made your day”?:
Not yet. My interactions have been (1) Judge rejecting my charging documents; (2) Paralegal informing me that a Victim/Witness is on the run refusing to testify against her abuser; (3) being interrupted by construction workers; and (4) being informed by my secretary that one of my juveniles from Monday re-offended immediately. So… no. No “day makers” yet

Are you vegetarian? :
Not for a long time; though I am trying to cut back on meat these days.

How many windows are open in your computer?:
Fifteen. Which is actually small for me.

Do you read Perez Hilton?
Never have, never will. Granted, as an Iowa Actor I was never going to reach the heights of fame that would put me in a Celebrity Blog; but I always felt it was a “professional courtesy” to see those things for the hack, privacy-intrusions they are.

Is there a baby in the room with you right now?:
No. I can safely say that there is not a baby anywhere on this floor!

Do you plan on moving within the next year?:
I better not! I like my house and have put in enough effort to set it up that I hope to stay there for at least a decade (if not more)

Have you been to a baby shower? :
It has been since College, if that!

What brand is your computer ?:
I liked Toshiba Laptops but apparently they don’t make them anymore. So I’ll go with HP there. Current Desktop monitors are DELL though.

How many cars can fit in your driveway?:
HA! Okay, I’ll do Driveway & Garage. Two in the back garage (but minimum driveway there), 1 in the front garage and easily two additional cars in the driveway… maybe 3.

Are you taller than your mom?:
Yes, if not, I would be very sad. She is five foot even.

Are you a cuddler?:
Yes, but I can’t state as to what level. As I’ve been devoid of physical interaction, I’d probably be a glomer at present but… my typical cuddle desire is “a little, but frequent”

Sleep on your back or stomach?:
NEVER my stomach; typically my back/side

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?:
Closed in most scenarios; open at my house so I can bolt if Nala is making a noise/mess… though going with the door open sometimes means Nala comes in to check on me, lol

Do you dress for style or comfort?:
Right now, I dress for “what I own.” I’d like to say “style” or “comfort” but… right now the focus is on “keep what you own, we have better uses for money”

Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?:
Because Humans in the world would rather be selfish, uninformed, intentionally ignorant morons than risk challenging themselves and becoming better people.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?:
Oh how times change! Honestly, if you had asked Pre-Marriage Chris this question? I would have said an enthusiastic yes because “I would love her and that would be enough.” But this version of Chris? The one currently writing the words you are reading? Yeah, that’d be a no. Call me a dick, call me an asshole, call me all the bad names in the book… but..lived/living the sexless lifestyle and not interested in continuing.

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?:
Every single girl that I’ve been with for more than 3 months has cried, profusely

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?:
If the word “heartbreak” was sufficient as a description; there would be infinitely fewer poets, songs, films, plays, and books. Our fiction attempts to capture those life-impacting moments for which words are lacking… and as often seen, “heartbreak” is one such word.

Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium…How many of these have you tried?:
I have never taken an illicit narcotic. Never even tried one. I’ve had beer, alcohol, tried a cigarette once, had a few cigars in my lifetime; but that is it.

How long has it been since you had sex?:
Since March 29, 2019; a bit shy of 4 months

Who was the last person to call you babe?:
Probably my Wife but it’s been ages

Last reason you went to the ER?:
Knowing me… I was bleeding from somewhere

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents?:
I was. Though they did not plan carefully enough, muahahahahaha. I was scheduled to be born during the Summer Vacation so my mom could finish teaching that year. I came a full month early and ruined that plan

How old was your mom when she gave birth to you?:
31.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?:
Only the novelty photo booth at the Law School Formal.

When was the last time you shaved your legs?:
High School

What facial cleanser do you use?:
Dove Body Wash

Do you use a blowdryer?:
I have not in many years

If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? :
Sweat mixed with faint hints of cologne

How many purses do you own?::
None

What are your top five favorite stores to clothes shop?:
Goodwill, Kohl’s, Hot Topic, Men’s Warehouse, Jos. A Bank

What kind of clothes do you mostly wear?:
Suits: Suit pants, suit jacket, long sleeved button up shirt and a tie.

What about shoes?:
Business shoes, owned forever and scuffed to shit

For that one week a month, do you hate having periods?:
Luckily, something I am not blessed to deal with

What are your first thoughts when your visitor visits?:
See Above

Favorite underwear brand?:
I used to be die hard Fruit of the Loom but now it’s whatever

Last thing you bought at the mall?:
Either Wife’s 13th Doctor shirt or coat

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend?:
Sort of. Mom likes her well enough and Dad is confused to hell as to why she is the way she is and what is wrong with her.

What color are your pillows?:
Presently, they have steel gray pillow covers

Dont you just love DVR?:
It does make things easier! Children, let me tell you of a time that you were forced to either plan your schedule around the television or simply accept that you would miss a show. Imagine your favorite serialized show… like Stranger Things or Game of Thrones. Now imagine that your parents want to take you on vacation to Aruba. YOU WOULD MISS AN EPISODE AND NEVER GET A CHANCE TO SEE IT! Scary, eh?

If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now?
N/A

Last gift you received?:
For the sake of chronology and argument; I’ll say the Flight Home from Hawaii

Lesson you recently learned?
If you don’t act when your heart stirs, you may miss your chance

Do you like coffee?
Not really. I’m extraordinarily picky about what type, what additives, and what temperature so… really, it is just easier to say No.

Do your eyes ever twitch?
Occasionally. Sometimes when I’ve had too much sugar or caffeine.

Do you get excited when you get something in the mail that isn’t a bill?
It happens rarely. Sometimes, my curiosity and anticipation will grow if it is a letter from a return address I know

What was the last thing you wrote by hand?
My notes for how to do what I am to do today

Why did you last feel exhausted?
Vacation helped with this; but I can tell you I already feel the ‘rested’ reserves deplete.

Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way?
I know I tried with my parents in the “Do this or I’ll feel bad” kind of way. As to intentionally manipulating other people my own age… yes.

Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you?
I would consider one of the larger weapons in Aku’s arsenal to have been emotional blackmail

Assuming you have any, is your hair soft today?
Yeah, I’m lucky to have naturally soft hair and I gave it a pretty good cleaning and drying last night

Who did you last worry about and why?
I worry about just about everyone I know. Even people I don’t know.

When are you next at work?
I’m presently at work and shall return again tomorrow.

Do you enjoy your work?
For the most part. I work with good people and do an important and well-paying job. There are certainly aspects of it that suck. Tomorrow will be one of those days. And I’d be enjoying it here a LOT more if the construction would just ficking end.

Are you currently looking for a new place to live?
Nope and do not wish to do so again for many years. Though… there is a street in town called LAW STREET and the house on the corner is 404. So, if I had “shits and giggles” money, I’d buy that house for an address on LAW STREET and to have a house sign with ERROR 404 RESIDENTS NOT FOUND

When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite?
My meter for GROSS is pretty high and it is very difficult to reach what I would consider gross. I think the last time in memory was when I worked with the Chinese.

Can you see any toys from where you’re sat?
No. Despite being the juvenile attorney for the county; I don’t interact with the children so I have no toys.

Last time you heard a growl, who or what did it come from?
My stomach last night telling me “Okay, WAY too much olive oil and grease on that chicken, buddy!”

Does it bother you when you forget something that you should know?
ALWAYS. I forgot The Magna Carta yesterday and I’m still kicking myself!

What was the last thing you put off doing?
Reviewing the list of possible impending August Trials

When did you last make up a baby’s bottle?
Second year of High School when I was babysitting for a Cello Instructor

What was the last thing you cooked?
A pizza on Tuesday night

Do you eat your dinner at a dining table, coffee table or just off your lap?
One of the BIG things I was all about when we got a house was to eat at a table. For the first time in all of our years together; Wife and I are eating dinner at a table

When did you last see the sea?
Last week. It was really nice.

Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea?
The sea. Sure I make jokes (I kept saying that the grass looked weird, why was it blue) but the sea is tranquil.

Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop)
I have a credit card mouse for my laptop at home

Do you apologize a lot?
I used to apologize all the time as a midwestern reaction. These days, I only apologize if I know I’m about to upset someone (either physically or with a comment)

Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of?
I do; but they aren’t of people. Typically, they are photos Wife took at some point and thus are almost always landscapes, trees, and nature.

Y’know… between the Child Sex Assault, Child Abandonment, Domestic Violence.... today has been a hard day. Add in the construction and all the dust and debris getting in my eyes? A bit worse.

I think I’m going to review some Pinterest, read a news article, catch up reading PB, review some of the Underwater Footage from Cousin’s Wife, and then finalize some of this work today.

One of my Top Ten Favorite Video Game Girls is Tifa from Final Fantasy. Typically she looks like this:

But Cosplay Model Katerina Marie did a version recently that I also enjoy