HELP in ❅journal 2019❅

So, he offered to replace my best friend as the person i can depend on. I’m sad to admit I’m scared, I’m scared what this means, I’m scared to reveal myself to someone knew after breaking up with my ex, god it hurts.

God. God. God he said, my best friend said he loves me. It hurts so hard. But what he said does not sound as someone who loves me, you DON’T LOVE ME. Fuck. Why does he still do this to me. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do anymore, it feels like he’s the

I feel like I’m 12 again, wanting to please him. This guy I don’t even know. This guy that kinda scares me. I feel like crying again.

This is not HEALTHY. This is not SAFE. I want to escape i want to tell him to stop saying he loves me because I can’t love him back like that and it hurts.

She was the person who really made me feel safe but she’s gone and i feel scared without her and he was there and i ran to him. I want help. It feels like a addiction, being by his side, being dependent on him and wanting to be HIS I CAN’T.

I’m panicking. I’m scared. I want to tell him to get in the way, I did in the past but I’m falling back in. I’m falling down the rabbit hole.

I can’t, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anymore.