I Try Not To... in meh...

I try not to look for hidden racism but I sometimes, it’s not hidden. I don’t give it much weight because most of the time, I’m trying to give humans the benefit of the doubt. There are times that… ::sighs::

I am very good friends with an 82yo white woman. I love her as if she were my mom or grandmother. Her daughter, I now believe, dated black men to piss her father off and it culminated in a biracial child that he lived until his dying day. He was cool with me too. That’s just laying background. One day me and friend went to lunch and she had a friend from her church that joined us. She pulled a “I have a black friend too” on me. She was determined to find this picture of her friend to show it to me. And I’m like you dont have to parade your friend in my face to show me you’re not racist and you don’t mind black people. Seriously.

The daughter of this friend, said something when I visited on my day off that both made me laugh and look at her sideways. I know I hadn’t been over in a long time, but I keep in touch. Their neighbor, Ceela, I’ve met on many occasions. So Ceela called while I was there or maybe vice versa. She couldn’t talk at the moment but the daughter was on the phone with her. Friend says to tell her that I was over. She was telling Ceela, but I guess it wasn’t registering, and she says “Black (my name)”. I chuckle a bit and at the same time was like, damn this how you describe me off the bat huh?’ Knowing the family’s history with race, I overlook it because it doesn’t just go away overnight and it isn’t cured because you have a black friend.

Yesterday, I was invited to a birthday party for another friend from karaoke. I could have gone and stayed, but I really didn’t feel like going. So I got her a card, gave her 3 tickets to an event, stopped by to give it to her. I texted and said I wouldn’t be staying. So I got there and I followed the scent of deep woods off spray to the back. I walked up slowly but not so slow I looked like I was creeping. When I saw my first two humans, one said, “Uh oh” but not in the ominous let’s tense up way, but in a way that they perked up to see who I was. I spoke first, though. Then the one guy in the chair starts talking, I bet you’re looking for Lis. I am. At some point a few seconds later, Lis came outside and we hugged and talked, and I told her about the prep for dinner today and such, which she understood and made a plan for karaoke soon. In this, I did not want to resume my role as the only black friend in the place. What happens is people get comfortable and start talking reckless and their true colors start to show making me uncomfortable and unwanted. If an argument ensues, who’s to say I won’t be the next statistic? A bit drastic, but such are the times.

And with that I’ve gotten it off my chest. Going to head out, run some errands, come home, clean, and cook and go to the go to. It’s a lovely day right now. Going to enjoy.

Kindest regards,
Sister