Hair today - gone tomorrow in Hi

My hair has always been an issue. I was born with straight as a stick baby fine hair. I have always been on a mission to make the best of what I have, but I don’t have so much anymore.

I remember a “Cathy” cartoon. Do you remember “Cathy”? I loved her. I related to her and to her relationship with her Mom. Anyway, “Cathy” said “My hair was perfect one day in 1975 and I have been trying to achieve that same look since then” I paraphrase. That is what she meant.

In the late 80’s and early 90’s I did the curly perm and I had great Texas “big hair” I loved it. Then the style changed.

Oh what I would give to have the “bad” hair of my 40’s and early 50’s. I don’t know when but sometime in the past 6 years my hair started thinning. I know because I had to give up my short spiky hair because it was so thin my scalp was showing.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago when my stylist decided she would go much darker with my hair so it wouldn’t be so “brassy”. I don’t know if the color she used was too harsh or my hair was already that thin and the darkness allowed my scalp to show. Regardless how it happened here we are. I’m in a mess! I am going bald and I am traumatized! I didn’t cry about until last night and not really that much, just the same I am so upset!

I know, I know … it could be worse. I still have 2 legs and 2 arms and my health - so far. Oh yeah, they have had me have mammograms every 6 months for the past 2 1/2 years. I have also had two sonograms. I don’t know what they are watching, but they are watching something! I guess if I do have cancer and have to have chemo - losing my hair won’t be as big of a deal as it would have otherwise ..... (God, I hope I don’t have to lose my hair AND my boobs) I never had much of either but damn it - I want to keep what I have)

I went for an evaluation with a stylist that specializes in thinning/bald/cancer hair. She suggested a product that I ordered to help my hair grow. It was about $120 for shampoo, conditioner and spray. If it works, it will be worth every penny and as God is my witness I will not complain about spending so much. The bad part is for the first 7 to 10 days one’s hair sheds before it gets better. I am in the shedding stage. My husband handed me a clump of my hair from the tub last night ....

Best case my hair doesn’t get any worse and I can buy a human hair topper and look better than my real hair. It won’t be my real hair and I will have to take it off at night and put it on in the morning. There are also 4 clips associated with keeping the topper on. They can pull my existing hair out. Uggg or should I say UGLY. I feel so ugly. I want to hide from the world. That is not an option. I get up every day and go to work and hope nobody notices - as if.

My husband keeps saying “don’t worry - we will get it fixed”. Unless these products I bought work miracles there is no “fixing” it.

This entry is mostly a vent. I feel ashamed of the way I look.

As it turns out - I am not the boss of my hair.