The Expectation Is Flow in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Back at work. 8:03 a.m. In the hallway? Red cling wrap covers the carpets to minimize dust and debris clean up. At each end of the hallway? A giant industrial emergency air conditioner. In the office space connected to mine? A giant drill and electric saw singing at top volume. My boss didn’t even say good morning today, simply said: For effective communication this week, we may need to learn sign language!

Today, this entry is going to be very “whatever flows out of me.” My expected work for the day includes filing charges on a violent as fuck juvenile… kid clearly has mental health issues but this is Iowa… our governor makes a BIG deal out of signing a Juvenile Mental Health Bill but the bill itself doesn’t do jack shit and certainly doesn’t provide any actual FUNDING to put into practical effect anything that would actually help. This kid needs a secure mental health facility where he cannot cause violence against himself or anyone else. Instead? We’ll detain him… likely at the State Home for Boys… where he’ll be put into isolation the first time he starts violently attacking another boy or a staff member… which is how we got into the Federal Lawsuit in Des Moines to begin with. The harsh somewhat brutal cycle that goes into place when Mental Illness equals Violent Tendencies and State Resources equals Bupkis. After I file that, I have nothing on the schedule until 11:00 and hopefully that isn’t too difficult or painful. Then just more calendaring and scheduling so as to properly prepare for time away in July.

Speaking of flow… this is the job, lol. I was intending to do X, Y, Z… instead I have to consider how to deal with a tricky Rape Accusation. This is the kind of thing I honestly wish Law & Order SVU dealt with because....

I am going to make this sound borderline offensive Fairy Tale style because hopefully offense will cover anyone trying to dig into this to find the IRL details.

Once upon a time, Cinderella went to a great ball where there was music and dancing and lots of alcohol. When the clock began to strike midnight, Cinderella fled the Castle and nobody is exactly 100% certain what happened after that.
Sometime later, though, Cinderella calls her Fairy Godmother to tell her that she was sexually assaulted. The Fairy Godmother says, “If you were sexually assaulted, you need to contact the police.” Shortly thereafter, Cinderella calls the police.
All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men report to Cinderella’s home to attempt to assist and gather information. Cinderella says that she remembers drinking just about as much wine as she could, remembers having sex, and remembers waking up at her home. But that’s it. Can’t remember exactly if she said no. Can’t remember exactly where the sex occurred. Can’t remember anything about the potential suspect. But absolutely wants to go forward with a Criminal Prosecution.
All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men call my office and ask for advice. They need guidance on determining the proper course of action given the kingdom sized holes in the initial report. My office, apparently more willing to do leg work, calls the Fairy Godmother. We explain that she needn’t tell us anything about any wishes Cinderella requested and there is no obligation for the Fairy Godmother to give us any information if she does not wish to do so; but we are investigating the allegations and any information could really help us see that justice is served.
The Fairy Godmother says, “Yes, she called me and said she was raped. But I honestly don’t believe her.” Quite the statement! The Fairy Godmother continues with an explanation: Apparently, Cinderella has a few mutual problems. First, she drinks her problems away so it would surprise nobody to know she was inebriated. Second, she is known to be aggressively promiscuous… different prince every week kind of girl. Third, she just recently got a “real boyfriend”; a Prince that she likely wouldn’t want it known if she cheated on him. Fourth, Cinderella is well known in the community for “histrionics.” You know how Cinderella goes around telling people that her wicked step mother is always forcing her to do the chores? Apparently, Cinderella offered to do the chores in order to live rent free and yet still Wicked Stepmother pays her well while letting her stay rent free in exchange for chores. You know how Cinderella goes around telling people that her wicked step-sisters destroy all of her fancy clothes? Apparently, Step-Sisters are tailors and dress makers and they aren’t “destroying the clothes” they are hemming, mending, and repairing the clothes. You know how Cinderella mentions that her only friends are the rat and mouse that live in her bedroom? Apparently, Cinderella has two Saluki dogs she received as gifts and calls them Rat and Mouse.
So… it is hard to really know how much to trust of what dear ol’ Cinderella says!!
My office drills down on what we know, what we can prove, and how any of this plays out in court. BIGGEST HURDLE: We have no suspect. No suspect and no information that would help us narrow down to a suspect. So at present, considering the available information, there’s almost literally nothing we can do. But we don’t ever want Sexual Assault to be ignored or treated as unimportant!!!
Best I can come up with is invite Cinderella to the office. Have her tell us what she told the All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men. Try to let her know how seriously we take all of this and how much we’re willing to help her in any way we can. Try to gently explain to her that, without a suspect or any form of description, there really isn’t anything we can do. Honestly, if you can’t tell us whether it is more likely to have been Humpty Dumpty versus Jack Sprat… that would be something… but not even that… it just isn’t enough to go on.

HA!

I started working and… was quickly asked to move by the construction workers. They were going to do insulation work and wanted me to be out from under the direct line of fire for ten minutes. Grabbed a water, walked around a bit, and returned. Good. But as soon as they left my office… they went back to laying down cling wrap to the floors… creating a lot more mess. To counter balance the noise? I’m going to play some EDM, Electro Swing, and some Electronic Jazz. lol. Yes… I like electronica… the genere has expanded a lot in the last 30 years.

SO I want to share what I wanted to share this morning… lol… oh, work and construction and other people’s emergencies and my own shortcomings and other people’s criminal behavior getting in the way of me communicating to relative strangers on-line in a “Mass Blast” fashion. lol.

FULL HONESTY:

I did not get to The Serious Talk with my Wife last night. I had fully intended to. Honestly. But… after last night, I want to revise it. Because last night, Wife proved that she can do more and be more than just… Girl On Couch. But she lacks consistency, willpower, follow through, and moxie.

Yesterday when I came home? The TV was off and Wife was not on the couch (though the dog was). I was… honestly shocked. Flabbergasted, really. So I asked Nala if Wife was in The Office (as that is typically where she is other than couch… the rare occasion she is not on couch with Cell Phone or TV, she is in The Office going over music or photos on her computer). That wasn’t the case! She was in her sewing room actually mending the clothes that had been on her “Mend Clothes To Do List” for the last 4 months. One assumes that the impending onset of Hawaii inspired her to make sure that Shorts and Shirts were mended for packing. But seeing her DO SOMETHING (whether on her to do list or not) was of such a significant shock that I started second guessing whether it was a good time to have a Serious Talk. It needs to happen but I didn’t want to sabotage a rare good start by punishing her with her past actions at that exact moment.

As she mended clothes, I approached her about Moana’s idea for July 4th. I told her that Cousin and Wife were going to a Hawaiian Rodeo for July 4th and wanted to know if we wanted to go with, explore the city, and get a hotel room there for the night. She considered it. Looked into the rodeo. I told her that the secret reason I was hoping we could do it is because this particular cousin and family is who we always used to spend July 4th with and it would be kind of nice in a “respect history” kind of way to do this. Hell, back when we visited them in Missouri every year, Mom would make us create Puff Paint T-Shirts. Every. Year. You want to know where some of my self-esteem issues come from?! My brother, artistic genius and art prodigy, would make a professional looking Puff Paint shirt to commemorate July 4th that everyone would ooooo and aaaaa about for the entire weekend. MY puff paint shirt would look like an epileptic chimpanzee with Parkinson’s had attempted to eat the puff paints and accidentally got them all over fabric. So… yeah… puff paint shirts (and mom’s constant attempts to have “activities” for us that were ALL simply “art projects”) aside.... there ARE a lot of good memories of July 4th with this cousin.
Of course 18 hours later and she still hasn’t made a decision on whether she’s interested in going to this or not. Which, duh, I should have realized. But then it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Either I confirm without conferring; she hates it and is upset with me for the rest of the trip for not discussing it with her… or I ask her about it and we are stuck in the land of “I can’t make decisions” forever. Ultimately, a decision WILL be made by the end of the day.
Pros: Something fun to do; something new to try; exploring the island of Hawaii w/people who live there.
Cons: It is the second day of our trip; Rodeo doesn’t really appeal to either of us; the alternative is lounging by the ocean and drinking.

So we discussed that. Then we both went to the gym. After the gym, we discussed Anime Iowa Cosplay stuff. Wife is pretty certain that her Jodie Whitaker pants won’t be available and I decided that… between trying to prep for Hawaii and the fact that we’d be in Hawaii until RIGHT BEFORE THE CON, I was no longer going to Cosplay for this one. Don’t get me wrong. I do want to cosplay. I also REALLY want to create a Binder for CosPlay ideas so I can work on things over time. Like… let’s look at two different mediums really fast.
Video Games Characters I Want To Cosplay (Not full list, selected at random)
Shang Tsung (Mortal Kombat), Kung Lao (Mortal Kombat), Handsome Jack (Borderlands), Axton (Borderlands), Raphael (Soul Calibur), Kilik (Soul Calibur)
Anime Characters I Want To Cosplay (Not full list, selected at random)
Vegeta (DBZ), Picolo (DBZ), Beerus (DBS), Miroku (InuYasha), The Welsh Dragon (DxD), Colonel Maes Hughes (Full Metal Alchemist), Todoroki (BNHA), Aizawa (BNHA), Tokoyami (BNHA), Dabi (BNHA).
And that isn’t even counting Movies, American Cartoons, Comic Books, or the other video game and anime characters I want to do. BUT… that is why I want to create a notebook first. Break down each look, analyze, try to figure out piece by piece how I would create the look. You know… take my time with it, try to do it right.

After that discussion, Nala was getting antsy. I asked Wife if she had taken Nala for a walk during the day or done any training. No training, 30 minute walk. Not great but… a start… maybe. Either way, Nala needed some exercise and playtime. So while I “entertained” Nala, Wife made dinner. We ate Dinner with Jeopardy on… and as per usual, when she was finished with her food, she simply walked over to the couch. Small things but… take your plate to the sink even if you know I’m doing dishes. I know I helped “reinforce” this bad behavior by doing the gentlemanly thing of taking her plate to the kitchen if she finished while I was getting up… but like everything it seems she took Good Manners and pushed it too far. Good Manners would dictate that you (1) stay at the table while others are finishing; (2) take your plate to the kitchen UNLESS someone offers to take it for you; (3) acknowledging or showing appreciation for someone else doing the dishes. Heck, every night she makes dinner I make certain to say thank you. A little reciprocity would be nice.

I washed the dishes and put them away; thanking Wife for emptying the dishwasher of clean dishes. She did thank me, there, for running the dishwasher. So… I don’t know. Part of me thinks, “You can thank me 24 hours after running the dishwasher for pushing a button after I’ve already thanked you for emptying the dishwasher; but the after dinner every day clearing the table and doing the dishes thing doesn’t get a seconds’ attention?” Bah. I don’t know.

After dinner, we talked more about her trying to decide on the Rodeo and 4th of July. We talked more about CosPlay and scheduling between landing in Des Moines and Convention the next day. I did a lot more exercise with Nala and Wife even mentioned going outside and trying to get her to chase the ball. At about 10 p.m., I went downstairs to download the Released-That-Day content for Mortal Kombat and tinkered around with it for about 90 minutes. Then I went to bed.

So… we didn’t have the conversation. BUT despite all the ways the night wasn’t fulfilling as a Husband… at least we spoke to each other… and we spoke to each other without fighting… and Wife did something with her time besides simply sitting on the couch watching TV and playing on her phone all day. And… unless she’s going to massively disappoint me today… she can’t just sit on the couch all day today either. Because we need to be ready to leave when I get home so we can drive to Des Moines to have dinner with Mom, Dad, Bro, SIL, Niece, Twin Cousin, Twin Cousin’s husband (who I still don’t like, but don’t see often enough to give it a decent chance to change) and their BRAND NEW BABY BOY! So… yeah. Let’s say I get home typically at 5. If we leave WHEN I get home, we’re at my folks’ around 6:30. If we leave at or before 10:00 p.m. we’re back home before midnight. Granted… kind of crazy. Especially when you consider we’ll be driving to Des Moines again on Friday to spend Friday/Saturday in Des Moines but… sometimes you have to go where the people are… sometimes you have to see, have to see them dancing (anyone catch the reference?).

WHICH MEANS the Serious Talk Wife and I need to have is a “Thursday or Never” moment now. But that’s good. She acted like a person yesterday, if not truly a Wife or Partner necessarily. Tonight we’ll see if she can act like a family member. So tomorrow will allow me the opportunity to really speak with her about shit. Anticipate that after lunch, I’ll likely be editing and re-working my Discussion Notes. As well as catching up on more Prosebox and Work Scheduling and Chive while also putting out fires and criminal issues via the job.

In the middle of all of this, though… I want to interject a bit of politics. Likely not for the last time here.

Nancy Pelosi is making herself look like a damned fool. Don’t get me wrong, she’s done that before. I was conservative for some of Obama’s Presidency (the first entire term, to be exact… I didn’t switch until McConnell and Ryan fucked the entire pooch) and I loved how foolish she looked for actually advocating that a bill be signed into law before the legislators read it! Granted… I never assumed that all legislators read all of the entire bill when they voted on something… which bothers me PLENTY on its own. But for Pelosi to actually state, “We have to pass the bill so we can find out what is in it” was damned foolish. Even in its proper context of “We have to pass the bill so we can find out what is in it, away from the fog of controversy.” That’s still stupid. “People don’t like this, so we have to pass it, so they can see how it will actually work.” NOPE. If you need to show people how a bill would work in practice… there are ways of doing that besides just passing it into law!! So… I’m already on the “Nancy Pelosi isn’t that great” bandwagon.

But her contradictory, confused, almost bi-polar arguments about Trump lately? I mean… anyone who reads me knows I think Trump is an absolute asshat whose administration has been filled with some of the most corrupt, self-dealing, unethical, unpatriotic, unintelligent people that have every been placed in high government office. So, I’m not saying Boo Pelosi because Yay Trump. I’m saying Boo Pelosi because Boo Pelosi.

She’s talking out of both sides of her mouth. “Trump is doing terrible things. Trump broke the law. Trump is hurting this country by being a crook. He’s obstructing justice surrounding investigations to obstructing justice!!” Okay. Then… you are aware you’re a leader in the government, right? Like… if someone is breaking the law and that person is the president… the House of Representatives is responsible for charging that person with a criminal charge. That’s how the law works. But when asked, she’s quick to say, “The American People wouldn’t support an impeachment and it would never succeed in the Senate so it isn’t worth doing.” And today when asked if she’d even CENSURE the President… y’know… do anything besides simply hold another finger wagging press conference, she said, “No. That sounds like just a way out.”

I would like to go on record now with a frustrated rage scream. Achem. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRvAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAvRGHRGHRGHRGH!

The President acts like a spoiled brat toddler. His “father” (McConnell) refuses to scold him, reprimand him, or put him in Time Out. So people look to his “mother” (Pelosi) to at least do something to tell the spoiled brat that he shouldn’t do that. And she says, “He’s behaving badly but we’re not going to take steps to do anything about it.” FUCK!

I agree that the Senate would never vote Trump guilty DESPITE THE OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE PRESENTED IN THE MULLER REPORT THAT ESTABLISH OBSTRUCTION NOT TO MENTION THE PRESENT ACTIONS AGAINST THE UNITED STATES BY TRUMP, HIS PREVIOUS CAMPAIGN, AND HIS CURRENT CABINET!! But instead of thinking, “The American People won’t like us if we try to hold Trump accountable” maybe distinguish yourselves from the corruption in the GOP by saying, “This may not be politically convenient, but it is the right thing to do. It is the right thing legally. It is the right thing morally. It is the right thing for America.” Because GUESS WHAT: Even if the average American doesn’t support Impeachment right now… the average American hasn’t read the Muller Report! So basing your decision on that is LITERALLY LIKE ME SAYING I REFUSE TO PROSECUTE SOMEONE BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE HAVEN’T SEEN THE EVIDENCE FOR IT. In other words, it is professionally irresponsible. And I’ve had the other conversation, too. That conversation that says, “I know the judge isn’t going to convict, but it is still my responsibility to charge the crime.” Because here’s the deal… if a crime occurred, the prosecution should charge the person. Let’s say a man shoots his girlfriend and there is an eyewitness. Let’s say the police were too stupid or under-funded to collect any physical evidence and were relying ENTIRELY on the eyewitness’ description of events. Now let’s say that the Eyewitness is a well known drug addict whose credibility is in tatters with every jury pool that could be gathered. We can’t win the case; but we still charge the crime. Because we have to do something that might be at least like holding the person accountable. In a Senate/Presidential Impeachment case; it is so much more than that.

Impeach the President. Lay out all of the evidence. Hammer it home in the media. Drown Fox News in paper disclosures and evidence demonstrating the ways that the President, his family, his campaign, and members of his cabinet have broken the law. And when the Senate refuses to act? BURY THEM with their inaction at the polls. Instead of letting Trump say, “They’re trying to impeach me. They’re scared they can’t win the election so they’re trying anyway they can to remove me.” Fine. Let him say it. Then go on the offensive and say, “In fact, there is enough evidence to likely convict Trump of federal crimes but my opponent Joni Earnst, who claims to care about Law and Order, refuses to hold a criminal accountable for his criminal actions. When something like National Security doesn’t cause her to put Country over Party, can you trust her to put ANYTHING over Party?”

But then for Nancy Pelosi to specifically say, “he’s a terrible terrible person, but no impeachment right now and no censure” that is so much worse. That is her saying, “He’s awful. But we won’t uphold our responsibilities. In fact, we won’t even officially say ‘you done bad.’ I just want to be at my podium and get press. Thank you.” Angry Face Emoji!

Continuing a little… Trump held his first Official Campaign Kick-Off Event for 2020 last night. Though it is funny… apparently the primary difference between this Official Kick-Off Event and the myriad of Unofficial Campaign Events he’s had between 2016 and 2019 was showmanship. Many people left the rally suggesting that Trump was essentially just doing Trump 2016 MAGA playbook crap as if he hadn’t been the President the whole time.

Some analysts suggest that it is Trump’s inability to play the “Anti-Establishment” card when he is now the establishment. Some analysts suggest that it will cost him many votes since The Unheard Majority vote that carried him in 2016 haven’t been particularly individually helped (or heard) during the Presidency, so they want to hear something besides recycled rhetoric.

The analysts are wrong. As they were wrong in 2016 when they wrote Donald Trump off entirely. Sadly, here’s why:

Donald Trump is nothing if not a bully. He enjoys it. He finds nothing more pleasing than being able to say, “I have power. Look at my power. Look how powerful I am!” That is quite truthfully what makes him happiest. Easiest way of doing that is to be a bully. That is why, during a crowded Republican run off, he did so well. There was no end of direct people to bully that he was always directly facing. A front-runner would be named, Trump would have to deal with them in a debate, Trump would bully them. “Marco Rubio has a lot of momentum” became “Little Marco, great guy, would love to see what he does when he grows up.” Or “Jeb Bush is expected to roll over everyone” became “Low Energy Jeb couldn’t do more than roll if he wanted to!” Republican Debates were 12 people saying, “Obama failed, select me” whereas Trump was saying, “Obama failed, but my opponent is a hack, jackass, bastard.”

So of course he seems like he’s recycling rhetoric and losing people with low energy, low idea rallies. HONESTLY, Trump is only going to pick up steam when the Democrat Ticket shrinks. Even a professional bully couldn’t successfully troll the entire Democrat Presidential Candidate Wannabe pool. Shit. If you had to say just ONE brilliantly clever dis to every Candidate every day… and it took you 30 minutes to think of a REALLY GOOD ONE. You would spend 12 hours a day JUST ON THINKING OF THOSE REMARKS. That’s how overstuffed the Democrat side is right now. Donald Trump rallies aren’t going to become the “energized, entertaining, sold out hate rallies” people are expecting until there is a top 5 for Dem Candidate. As soon as it gets down to a handful… whether that means Biden, Sanders, Harris, Klobuchar, and Warren… or Inslee, Moulton, Bennet, Booker, and Gilibrand… or Bullock, Castro, Delaney, Gabbard, and Yang… or Williamson, Buttigieg, deBlasio, Hickenlooper, and O’Rourke… or a combination thereof… or a combination thereof including people I haven’t even listed..... until he can narrow his sights, he won’t be as “On his game” as people are expecting. But that doesn’t mean people should discount him. There are a lot of people that are going to vote for Trump (1) just because he is Republican; (2) just because he is not a Democrat; (3) just because he is White; (4) just because he is a Man. After Trump “gets his groove back” by dedicating his time exclusively to mocking 5 people, he’ll re-win any of the trolls and bastards that may or may not stick with him in the “quiet days” where Trump is still firing off insulting tweets and shitty statements on TV.

As for a more nuanced analysis of what the Orlando Crowd really liked about Trump’s speech, I offer the following from the BBC:

BBC CONTENT BEGINS

“What he’s done for this country, the manufacturing jobs coming back, our steel industry coming back, wages for the average American going up, Americans are getting back in homes again - it’s a beautiful thing,” said Robert Adamson, an insurance salesman from Merritt Island, Florida. “This is the only platform he really gets where he gets a fair shake at being able to divulge his achievements.”

“I think he resonates with people because he comes across as a regular person,” said Paul Barka, a maintenance worker for a college in Tampa, Florida. “He doesn’t talk like a polished politician. It doesn’t matter if he comes across as being rash or harsh or even ignorant at times.”

Then there was the airing of grievances. If Tuesday’s rally was any indication, the overriding theme of the president’s re-election campaign will be a bid for vindication - vindication against his critics in the “fake news” media, in the Democratic Party and among the nation’s elite. It’s all part of “the swamp,” which he said has been fighting back against him “so viciously and violently”.

“They are really going after you,” he said. “They are trying to erase your legacy of the greatest campaign and the greatest election probably in the history of the country.”

In case that wasn’t direct enough, he added: “They want to destroy you, and they want to destroy our country as we know it.”

BBC CONTENT ENDS

Are any of us surprised? The steel industry coming back: untrue. In fact, the steel industry suffered under the Trump tariffs, the fact that steel is happy now that those tariffs have been removed isn’t an indication of “job well done” it is an indication that “forcing people to pay more for things” is a policy that will always be disliked and celebrated when removed. I love the idea that Trump supporters give Trump and the GOP credit for “wages going up.” Like… the party that actively works TO KEEP WAGES DOWN… is somehow being applauded for some states and some private entities increasing wages? And while it is true that the housing bubble bursting doesn’t affect housing purchases and sales as much as it did a decade ago. But who is most likely behind an upturn? The person who was President for 8 years and who got the upturn started… or the person who has been President for 2 years and is trying to take credit for all of it?

And I’m not surprised that the “rash, harsh, ignorant” compliment is back. It offends me, obviously. The fact that we WANT a leader, a representative of our country… perhaps the most powerful man in the world, to come across as ignorant. WHAT. THE FUCK. IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? Passionate? Sure. Enthusiastic? Fine. Determined? Great! Rash or ignorant? NO. That’s… so stupid as to be horrifying. “I want the man that could get us into a Nuclear Apocalypse to sound like angry high school drop out! Yeah. Fuck the educated rational dude! I want rash and ignorant at the button!!”

As to the swamp? Trumpists will believe him because they always have. Despite the fact that Trump had the “personally wealthiest cabinet of all time” and that the cabinet has been embroiled in “self dealing scandals, human rights violations, illegal cooperation with foreign governments, domestic violence, sexual assault, and other various charges of crime or corruption.” Yeah. THOSE guys are okay because Trump said so. It’s the OTHER people that are the swamp. The people that are trying to make sure Government works for the people. THOSE guys are the ones that suck. Fuck those guys!

Last little weird statement, then I’ll just do an image dump and make you deal with it. lol.

Sometimes, I notice myself editing myself here in ways that I kind of don’t want to. Like… for some random reason I wanted to write about my feeling about Deborah Ann Woll. I never watched much True Blood but my Wife did. Most of my exposure to her as an actress was via Daredevil on Netflix. I was going to write about my assessment of her appearance and her acting and my reactions and interactions to all of that.

When suddenly it occurred to me that some people may be offended by that. That some people would be offended because I was assessing her. That other people may be offended because they found that assessment itself to be offensive to their own similar or contrary body type.

And as soon as that thought went through my mind, I decided I wasn’t going to write about it. Not like a “Hrm. Maybe I should write a disclaimer or something.” The desire to write about it completely departed entirely. Which I suppose is interesting but… unfortunate. I should be able to come on here and discuss strange sexual hang ups and/or reactions. I shouldn’t FEEL A NEED to censor.

So I’m just going to put the hard/difficult/weird thing up here anyway.
I love red hair. I do. I really do. If pressed, I would say that my favorite hair colors ALL begin with the letter R. Redheads; Raven Haireds, Royal Blue Goths.
And True Blood was a very sexually focused show in a lot of respects.
But I had a weird reaction to Ms. Woll’s character of Jessica Hamby. I found her attractive, sexy as hell, but also… too skinny. It is rare for me to experience this phenomenon because typically… I tend to think only “too skinny” if the thinness is extreme. Like a six foot tall woman that weighs less than 100 pounds? YEAH! Too skinny. But other than that… I’m not usually the guy to think that. And yes… Ms. Woll is 5‘8 (about the same height as Aoife) and is very thin. But I’ll be honest… to even NOTICE something like that is really surprising for me, honestly. Because you have this tall, thin, strawberry blond/redhead looking sexy. That’s like… Celebrity Aoife in a Vampire Show sometimes having sex scenes. The ONLY reaction I expected from me was: Hooooooooot! So, it forced me to analyze… this is a very attractive actress that you are honestly attracted to and think is beautiful… where is this “too thin” thought coming from? And I think it does go back to Aoife. She was obsessed with her weight. She’d inherited a slight pooch in her lower abdomen and thought that meant that no matter what weight she was, she’d look fat. SO MANY of our conversations started with her giving me an inventory of what she’d eaten that day… like a source of pride for her was that “she may have a pooch but she’d only eaten a carrot, a glass of milk, and piece of toast all day!” So honestly? I think that is where it started. Like… Ms. Woll struck me as a reminder of Aoife and my instant thought was, “Stop starving yourself!” lol.

Of course, after I saw her as Ellen Page in Daredevil I thought, “She can act really well! And she’s so beautiful! She’s got a great future ahead of her if she wants it. Her looks are always going to be in demand and she’s got a soft, gentle earnestness to her acting that can open her to a lot of diverse rolls.” THEN I heard she was doing a show about Table Top RPGs. Some of you may remember.... this made me unhappy. Because… again TOTALLY MY ISSUE… growing up, I was actively discouraged from being open about my geek interests and had parents, sibling, and peers try to “redirect me” all the time.... So I was a lonely guy that wanted to play DnD but “the beautiful people” wouldn’t allow it at our school. (Basically a true story… I went to VALLEY which… valley girls are real… valley boys are real… even if we are the Iowa version I went to school with people that thought they belonged in LA or Hollywood because of money, appearance, and privilege.). So when I heard that a beautiful, talented actress like Deborah Ann Woll was going to make DnD part of her official Career Resume? I was… honestly upset. I referenced it briefly in a previous entry. Luckily, I was gently reminded of why my upset was silly and shitty. This was an attractive girl who had been playing DnD forever and she was not just trying to “add it to her career” to cement her Geek Street Cred. So, I’m glad that was told to me.

Though… honestly? That just makes me see her, again, as a “ridiculously hot actress version of Aoife.”

NOW FOR RANDOM.... MANAGEMENT DOES TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE IMAGES/GIFS THAT HAVE BEEN SELECTED FOR SHARING BUT DOES NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ORDER IN WHICH THEY ARE DISPLAYED








MORE INSPIRATIONAL WEIGHT LOSS PHOTOS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE AS ME AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE
(Funny story: I have my physical on Friday and I am certain I will weigh somewhere between 220 and 230; at which point my Dr will tell me to lose weight; at which point I will tell him that I’ve been trying but can’t move past 220 so what the hell?)

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR RANDOM ASSORTMENT REGULARLY SCHEDULED ALREADY IN PROGRESS












Which is why it can be so heartbreaking when she gets bitey. Like… I know you’re SO EXCITED YOU CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT but… ow and stop hurting me as a form of positive self-expression!!!

ADDITIONAL INTERRUPTION. THE GALLERY WAS LABELED “GIRLS WITH GREAT EYES” AND I WANTED TO SHARE THE SELECTION THAT I HAD OPINIONS ABOUT. I ONLY SHARE THE ONES I HAD POSITIVE OPINIONS OF THE EYES BUT (1) is there a certain eye makeup/ eye shape/ eye color that I seem to select more than others? (2) I get it, internet and all, but if the focus was supposed to be on the eyes… then… uh… some of these photos seem a little… much… for an alleged focus on EYES

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR RANDOM ASSORTMENT REGULARLY SCHEDULED ALREADY IN PROGRESS. MANAGEMENT WOULD LIKE TO STATE THAT IT APPEARS A NUMBER OF THE FOLLOWING WILL EITHER BE “Pretty Girls”, “Great outfits”, or “Various Humor”