Irritable in Current Events

I’m so irritable today. I’ve got a lot that I need to deal with but I’ve got it all on the back burner. I’m evolved enough to know that not dealing with things is what generates my anxiety but I’m not evolved enough to just dive in and sort it all out. My process has always moved at a glacial pace and I’m losing patience with myself.

I’ve got a fake flu from my Twinrix shot last Thursday and my body has been acting all wonky and stupid and it’s stressing me out. I’m also not used to trying to function through this level of brain fog. I have moments where I feel like I’m slipping out of my body. Also, I could not fall asleep last night because I was thinking about my sister and her situation with her boyfriend. I need to think of a way that I can get through to her. Ugh, I hate having to worry about other people’s problems but she is blood so I’ll just have to cope. I just feel like my anxiety is trying to climb up and take over my life the last few days and I just want to stay in control.

I am starting to experience some frustration with the sister and her family that I live with. They’re not good at keeping groceries in stock. I used to work at a restaurant so there are about 5-10 meals a week now that I have to add to my meal plan. It’s not a big deal but I’m at the grocery store like twice a week now and it would be nice if they could stop running out of money so they could re-up the groceries more often. I’m spending about $250-$350 a week. We don’t have any boundaries when it comes to what we eat in this house but I’m only feeding one person and they’re feeding four so maybe quit smoking if you want to feed your family. I dunno. Just saying.

And does anybody on this block work? It’s like, I want to lay in my backyard and tan but these freaks in my neighbourhood are always walking about enjoying the weather and their lives and they all have a starring problem and our yard is not fenced in and these bitches are always watching what I’m doing. Seriously, when they walk by, drive by or sit in their lawns they ALWAYS turn their eyes to me. Even their kids that are with them are like “what’s he doing just sitting there!?” while I’m on the steps enjoying my coffee. Like, I’m from rough neighbourhoods and you can’t just stare at people unless you want to get shanked. Mind your own damn business people… ugh, Lord Ganesha I’m so bitter and jaded and petty today. I need to end this entry.
ta