one triumph in a week of stress is good. in --

I asked Cannon if he wanted to eat, and I signed eat and he signed "more" which is a rarity for him! more usually means "eat" for him. I said "yes you want to eat?" and nodded and he said "yeh" and tried to nod. progress! This doesn't usually happen. I was thrilled.

He has dental surgery on Friday. I'm not looking forward to it. :( I'm scared. My 18-month-old has to be put under general anesthesia. I feel like I have failed him. He already has dental issues, and when I was pregnant I knew he would be susceptible to them because it is an issue on both sides of the family, but it still sucks. I hope JAcob can get off of work, the scheduling has been a nightmare. Jacob's parents will be there, at least. so even if he can't, I won't have to do it alone.

We are going to sign the lease on the house we found on Sunday. This was such a lucky thing. I did not want to move into that townhouse we found. The landlord didn't take care of it and the previous owners left it dirty, and unlivable. The whole house smelled like dog, the carpets were gross, the walls needed repainted, and there was mouse poop in the cabinets. We said we would take the house if the landlord had it cleaned by last weekend. well, lo and behold, he said he had cleaned but he hadn't actually done a thing. so we told him that we wouldn't be taking it. we were house searching like crazy and eventually found a clean, move-in ready house that had what we were looking for and we are signing the lease today.

I haven't been able to start packing and we move on Saturday (in the bitterly cold weather). I can't take care of Cannon, housework, my schoolwork, and pack. I don't know how other people do it. :/

I Have been struggling a lot. I find myself wishing that I could move into my own place but still be engaged to Jacob. I am so tired of cleaning up after a 14 year old and a 28 year old and I'm tired of nagging. I've tried being nice and it gets nowhere. They only listen when I'm a total bitch, and I hate it. I hate living in filth and I hate being the only one who cares. dishes sit in the sink for days? they ignore it. The trash in the kitchen and the bathroom is overflowing? they ignore it. They leave dishes out and in the sink and don't bother to put them in the dishwasher. they throw food in the sink and don't clean it up. they leave trash out and don't throw it away. I have to remind Jacob to give our son a bath. I have to actually start the water for him or he won't do it.

I am so tired of being miserable and feeling like I'm constantly being taken advantage of. I don't even get to shower everyday like they do because I'm too tired or too busy with homework. I'm so tired of asking for help and it turning into a fight. I don't want to live like this.

And I had to call the water company because Jacob informed me last night that he hasn't paid the water bill in four months because he "couldn't find his checkbook." I went online and called them, and both ways it is very easy to pay the bill.

If I hadn't done it, our water would have been shut off in two days. I thought he was more responsible than this, I have no idea why he didn't tell me until last night.

I also don't want to homeschool my sister anymore. she isn't learning much because she doesn't grasp things very easily and she can't follow simple directions. If she doesn't understand something, she won't ask for help and she won't try to do it. she just acts like she doesn't have to it. I'm sick of having to force her to do everything. and it feels like she is always trying to get out of doing work, not to mention she talks to us very disrespectfully half the time. I'm sick of it. She needs to be in a regular school, but even when she was in one, she didn't do the work. I honestly don't know what to do.

I'm always falling asleep by 10 and Cannon hasn't been going to bed until 1 or later.

I wish I could just relax for once.