A Bridge to Being Curious in Everyday Ramblings

  • Feb. 26, 2014, 7:58 a.m.
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  • Public

I think this is beautiful. This is the view looking back at our river this last Saturday morning with the new non-car bridge going up in the background. We haven’t seen anything but cloud cover or rain since then. Well except for the fierce scouring winds are opening up little tiny blue patches now and again.

The Women’s Circle discussion was not quite what we expected at all. Female Aggression is such a broad topic and somehow we veered onto how we react when we get angry.

And what makes us angry and act aggressively (and without stating it out loud, how inconsequential things like talking to the cable company or erroneously priced produce at Whole Foods or customer service people who barely understand the language one is speaking or everybody on the bus in an inside seat with their stuff in the outside seat and headphones on eyes glued to their electronic device… drive us to behave in unbecoming ways.)

We didn’t come to any conclusions but I think everybody left more aware of the idea of female aggression and my topic partner and I both expressed a wish to revisit it in a more defined context next year.

We had good food and lots of choices and the room was full of caring and intellectual prowess. It was a small group, only about nine of us; which is why the discussion didn’t quite go as planned. We were going to split into two groups but it seemed silly to do that while we were all looking at each other and talking and eating.

It is interesting because working with the topic preparation over the last few weeks I have become aware of my own aggressive tendencies. And in just what kind of indirect ways I express them. And what the triggers are.

I was asked to do a draft piece of writing for work recently and this morning in a meeting a manager while not exactly criticizing the draft made it clear it wasn’t what she needed. And then proceeded to go on about how we were all numbers people and not writers…

Whoa baby… I had a whoosh of anger… And she felt it. She has no idea I write poetry or have been writing blog posts for almost 14 years. And that made me mad. Nor honestly, could she care less. She has been assigned the job of managing “my” project and she just wants it done.

But you know what? That is my problem, not hers. Clearly I have unmet needs for validation and appreciation regarding my writing. And I think that is where a lot of female aggression comes from. Unmet needs, and an unskillful handling of that like I expressed in the meeting today.

One of the things that did come up in our discussion about female aggression in the workplace at Women’s Circle is that it is often in play when there is weak or ineffective management.

This particular manager is as much a victim of that as I am. We were both dealing with the consequences of bad decisions further up the food chain and everybody has bad days and too much to do.

When we can take the emotional charge out of these things we can get curious and investigate solutions.

I should be ready for that, in this case, oh say, by… Friday. :)


Lyn February 25, 2014

This post is very thought provoking.

gypsy spirit February 25, 2014

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that women's discussion group as you talked about female aggression . I can imagine interruptions and overtalking ( something many do) would be enough to set off an aggressive reaction too. Yes, its a very broad subject indeed. I like the non-traffic bridge. hugs p

gypsy spirit February 25, 2014

ps....just thinking on your comments too....my own issues' that can sometimes bring out aggression in me are cruelty, ignorance, injustice and absolute rudeness. There are many variables too. It shows that none of us can be peacemakers all the time....lol p

Linda February 26, 2014

I continually see how my own aggressive tendencies (usually provoked by fear) interfere with my life. Great post.

edna million February 26, 2014

That is such an interesting topic- and I can imagine it would provide fodder for lots and lots of meetings. It seems like I get so angry over very little things lately-- but of course I'm a good Southerner so I can't express that I'm angry. I have to eat and drink too much instead! And it's frustration that reality isn't behaving like I expect it to, and other people aren't behaving like I expect them to--- oooooh, that whole Princess thing. So I get really furious at little things, like having someone run their cart into me in the grocery store because they are too busy yakking on their phone to pay attention to what they're doing....

That's obviously fodder for ME to think about too. Oh, and I totally understand being angry at the manager who doesn't realize you are a writer. I had the exact same reaction to our old ex-assistant dean, who would find fault with things I'd written. She is a communications professor - and actually writes well herself-- but more than once she felt things I had written were not good enough. BOY did it tick me off. Of course I did not say a word, either.

seedys March 01, 2014

Seems that despite your discussion of aggression not going the way you thought it should, you learned lots and this is informing you and causing you to observe people and your reactions in a new light!

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