In the Meantime (The last many days) REVISED in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Well… I was sick. Still am. Started this in the office on a Saturday trying to catch up with some work before heading to a work Conference on Sunday. See, the timing on it all sounds fishy but it really isn’t. It’s just shit timing.

You see, were I smarter and or luckier, I would have done the following:

I have 3.5 Personal Days every year. They don’t stack so they are very much “use ‘em or lose ‘em.” The year is July 1. So this is the last month to use them. Also Thursday and Friday were very light days with no court and no pressing urgent issues to respond to. Therefore, a wiser man would have used 2 personal days and gone to Lake Okoboji on Thursday to enjoy a few days of “lake relaxation” before the Conference started on Sunday.

For many reasons, that did not happen.

Thursday morning I woke up with zero voice and zero energy and called in sick to work. I went back to sleep. Thursday was a trial day; but Boss had a trial that was absolutely going; so since we can’t have more than 1 trial at any time… that meant my schedule was clear. Ish. You see, I had two meetings that day. One with Juvenile Detention and one with Crisis Intervention. But honestly… not the end of the world if I miss those meetings. AND I just checked my Boss’ case to see how he did?? Oh… crazy bag of cats! So… defendant in this matter is an individual with significant mental health problems who methed her brain worse. Typically… I would like to see her committed “until such time as she has been deemed well” knowing that while she can certainly fool some of the people all of the time; a trained professional with experience in psychiatric care would be able to determine that she is a persistent danger to herself and others. Of course, we don’t live in a world or a country or a state or a county where Mental Health Issues are given any adequate support (grumble grumble) so… instead… we have to deal with her criminally. And she requested, the proper legal term is demanded, her rights to a speedy trial by jury. SO… the State did everything we were supposed to. Fast tracked everything. Had 51 people appear for Jury Selection. Had all of our witnesses and evidence. Aaaaaaand… Defendant fails to appear. Just… decided not to show up (because she was not in jail pending trial; she was out/free). Nice.

For those who may not know… things like that cost time and money. And when the State is expending time and money… that’s a tax payer issue. Let’s break it down JUST based on time as that is easier to quantify right now. We have 12 Associate District Court Trial Dates per year. Every month that goes by, there goes another trial date. So that at the beginning of June; we actually only have 7 trial dates left before the end of the Calendar year. Each trial date may accommodate only one case. So, consider any and all crime in the area. Let’s be really optimistic and say only one crime is committed per week that might need an Associate District Court Trial Date. That’s 52 cases per year. We can only try 12 of those. Or, as previously stated, at this point in the year 7 of those. Speedy Demand was made in this case; so that case gets TOP PRIORITY. Meaning that any other case that was scheduled for that day must be rescheduled to one of our 6 remaining Associate District Court Jury Trial Dates. So, let’s say (for example) the “Man Molests 12 year old girls” case that I have… where the man is claiming that what he did isn’t criminal so he wants to take it to a Jury… that case now has to be scheduled to one of the 6 remaining trial dates. So… we have this ONE JUNE JURY CASE DATE set for this Defendant’s case.... and she doesn’t show up. Poof. Gone. That jury trial date is gone. So now… we still have to have a jury trial for this girl… after we arrest her again… and she gets to eat up another Jury Trial Date. One girl, one case, 2 trial dates eaten up. Meaning… instead of being able to try 12 cases this year… we can only try 11. Moving us from the hypothetical 23% of cases that we can try… down to 21% of the cases that we can try. DO PEOPLE SEE NOW WHY WE DO SO MUCH WITH PLEA DEALS? Like… I get it… people don’t appreciate the idea of “criminals getting away with it.” And I really understand… but the reality of what we’re working with? The rules and budgets and schedules that we’re actually having to work with? Sometimes… I have to offer something ridiculous to one person (say: Return what you stole, pay a small fine, and we’re done) so that I can go to court on another person (say: A Child Molester). While nobody likes to think of their case as “less important” and while it may suck to say “I’m ranking victims and cases in terms of severity, seriousness, and strength of case”… it is the nature of the beast.

Sorry… tangent. Still not feeling terrific so my brain just kind of.... goes.

Which is what I wanted to write about originally, I guess. When I’m ill, my brain tends to be less under my control. Which means three things happen:

My Perv comes out because I get considerably more randy.
My sensitive introspection comes out because I’m reassessing things.
My neediness clarifies for me.

Because what happens is that I want physical contact and sexual release more than ever. Considering that I don’t get it when I’m well I certainly don’t get any more when I’m ill. So there I am… straining at my bridle wanting to get my fuck on… so I begin thinking, “Okay… seriously… this could make you spiral into thinking of all the ways your marriage isn’t fulfilling you. I want you to honestly speak about it.... would you be better off in this current situation without your wife?” And that’s how I viewed the experience.

Thursday, the first day of me being sick… Wife brought me water and some decongestant. And spent about 87% of the day on the couch watching TV and playing Cell Phone games. To the point where that evening, she specifically mentioned that she realized she had entirely wasted the day. Hadn’t even worked with the dog in training or a walk. :( Not off to a great start. I went to the basement (because the coolness felt SO much better than the warm I was experiencing in my body and in the house. I went upstairs at the end of the evening to sleep.

And woke up around 1:00 p.m. the next day. SO… guess I wasn’t going to work on Friday either! That day? Wife had worked with the dog a bit, had mowed the lawn again, and had created a list for what we needed to pack for my Conference. Okay… so that is helpful. I spent the day in bed. About 4 or 5 o’clock, the dog is losing her shit. Running around the house, biting, sending pretty clear signals.... that Wife doesn’t pick up on. So I specifically request that Wife give the dog a walk… especially as (on Friday) the dog had not had a walk since Monday! I mean… this is kind of shitty to say but… I know Wife is lazy… but you are alone with the dog for hours and hours a day. Take the girl for a walk at lunch time, then we’ll talk her for a walk around dinner time… and that’s good for the puppy! Just… lazing around the house and letting the dog run around in the backyard is not enough for her. So, Wife decides that walking the dog is less of a hassle than putting up with the puppy’s behavior and goes for a walk. I figure… might as well do something nice while she’s doing this. SO I start cooking dinner. That’s Friday.

Oh, except for something I forgot to mention. Babysitting my Niece. You see, Wife and Nala and I were supposed to go to Ames and stay the night on Friday and babysit my niece on Saturday. Feeling sick on Thursday, of course, I felt that I owed my Sister In Law and Niece a heads up. A very serious, “I’m not feeling well; would it be okay to show up with a face mask and hand sanitizer or would you feel more comfortable with me not being present. Sister in Law eventually said to just not worry about it and she’d find another babysitter. Of course… I feel REALLY awful about that!! I know people can only accept what they wish to accept and I can’t do anything to make my SIL believe me more or not believe me more… she’s going to make the assessment that she is going to make. But again.. the timing on all of it? SIL knows that we had conferences coming up. She would be relatively within her rights to believe that we were “just trying to get out” of babysitting so that we could spend more time preparing for ‘Boji but… that is not at all what happened! We would have loved to babysit our niece!! But I was genuinely worried about getting her sick. And hell, Friday I slept THROUGH waking up in the morning so… hopefully, it was the right choice to potentially prevent Niece from getting sick but… I sure do feel bad about screwing family with a short notice cancellation like that!!

Anyway, Saturday. I try to sleep during the night but I’m hot as hell and getting downright uncomfortable from physical need. I get up at 4 a.m. to pee and… unlike typically, Nala is awake. Usually, if I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Nala stays asleep. Or, if she stirs, stays in her bed. This night, as I got out of bed, she woke up and trotted over to the door. By the time I was at the door, she was sitting, looking at me patiently, like “Okay, open it now!” Okay. Does that mean she really needs to use the bathroom? I opened the door, she walked over to her food area and sat down. I get it. The routine had been interrupted. By sleeping through the morning on Friday morning, Nala was in a headspace of “Things are off. Chris is supposed to wake up. Go to my bowls. Give me food and water. Let me out. That didn’t happen this morning!” Obviously, I’m not going to feed her at 4 a.m. but she was not interested in going outside either. So, I use the toilet… get Nala back in the bedroom. And realize… I can’t go back to sleep. It is too hot and my mostly naked wife sleeping next to me is not making our relative celibacy easy when compared to my Sickness Randy. I remove myself to the basement where I relieve my needs and play video games until I fall back asleep at approximately 6:30-ish.

Wife spends most of Saturday packing. I spend most of Saturday trying to push fluids and take medications and get this illness gone so I can at least not be totally useless at the Conference. At around 4:00, Wife comes downstairs to check on me and plan for the evening. We agreed that she wanted to go workout and I really needed to go to the office. We put Nala in the three season room and we left. I was at the office for about two hours; when I returned home, Wife still wasn’t home. We also needed to go grocery shopping, so I wasn’t sure if I should release Nala from the 3 Season Room. :/ I decided to let her outside (where she peed) and played with her a little. The energy, the jumping up, and the biting have not been adequately stemmed. We went back into the 3 Season Room and I figured… after 2 hours, Nala should be released back into the house. SO… I did. About 10 minutes later, Wife comes home and she has the shopping. She decided to stop off immediately after working out instead of come home and go back out. Okay. Makes sense.

I worked with Nala a little bit on her training… she’s… stubborn and refusing to be good. Like… she’s freaking Wife out with it actually, because her neck is starting to show damage from fighting the collar. I agree, understand, and empathize; but I’m also trying to convince Wife that the collar and everything is a “push/pull system.” Nala is wearing the collar, but there is only pain or discomfort when she’s fighting us. So when she’s pulling and running away from us and doing all of that… the collar engages and there’s discomfort but… we’re not “inflicting it upon her”, she’s “fighting us, the commands, obedience, and the collar.” It doesn’t help much. Because Nala is really good at not listening to us. Which… frankly… I’m still saying stems a lot from the fact that she’s a puppy and she isn’t getting enough exercise throughout the week! If she isn’t getting enough exercise and attention… she’s going to flip out. I asked Wife to take Nala outside and play with her a bit or take her for a walk or something… Wife took her out, I started to make dinner (because it was getting close to freaking 8:00) and when Wife came back, she grabbed the Dog Treats, Lawn Chair, and sat outside trying to get Nala to do sit/come/calm. When Wife came back in for dinner… she forgot to bring the treats in… and forgot to close the treat bag… so as we finished eating dinner, I look outside and see the lawn chair completely tipped over, practically upside down. I’m a little freaked and ask Wife where she left the lawn chair (I instantly think there’s someone in the backyard). We go to the backyard, right the lawn chair, and Wife asks, “Uh oh. Where are the treats?” WHAT?! Oh.... shit. I look out into the yard… Nala laying in the grass… the the blue treat bag sitting in the lawn next to her… a long trail of treats from the chair to where she dumped the whole bag and ate until she got bored. Damn.

But we learned something else important during that time outside. The mosquitoes are fucking insane. I don’t know if it is our proximity to the river or what but there are… millions of these little bastards. Just in that short time outside? I got bit 39 times and Wife got bit 28!! It was bad. Then… in trying to get Nala to do things like come when called, enter the house when requested, etcetera… that means a lot of those freaking mosquitoes are IN OUR HOUSE, TOO! Gah!

It is funny. I do have to interject this. Nala is difficult, a handful. Wife is not dealing with her well in regards to training, exercise, or thoughtfulness. However… Wife’s love for Nala is evident. She showers that dog with more affection than I’ve seen her show anyone, including me. So… kind of like Wife’s entire life/issues… she has a disconnect somewhere. She loves Husband and wants to be married… but can’t seem to figure out how to be a partner and wife. She loves Dog and wants to be Dog Mama… but can’t seem to figure out how to give the dog a walk everyday or proper training exercise.

As we’re going to bed on Saturday… Wife admits that the last several days she’s felt even more STUCK than usual. Nala is helping her realize that. Like… she knows she should walk the dog, she knows the dog needs training, she appreciates that Nala is going to be happier in the long run if she’s not as hyper/stubborn/undisciplined. And yet… she feels stuck… couldn’t get out of her way enough to actually DO what she knows she should do. I mention to her that this is pretty much her life story right now. SHE does likely know what she needs to do… in her life, in her marriage, with the dog, all of that.... but doesn’t find herself actually DOING it. And the biggest problem is… without the action, the knowledge has no practical value. I could know every law in Iowa Codes; but if I don’t do anything with that knowledge… I’m a shitty attorney. I didn’t take the conversation all the way, unfortunately. I didn’t specifically tell her, “SO take the EMDR therapy opportunity!” I should. Or at least… at some point… she and I really need to have that conversation. The “exposed, difficult, vulnerable” conversation. Where I basically ask, “What are you WILLING TO DO for this relationship?”

We went to sleep. Or, more accurately, Wife fell asleep and I struggled. It was hot. It was muggy. It was humid. And I kept hearing the mosquitoes in the room. I heard them in my ears, I was slapping them off my arms… it was like freaking camping. So I went to the basement to try to sleep. Wound up playing some Mortal Kombat 11 and using my “sudden alertness to sound” to actually break down some of the more difficult training exercises into a music puzzle. SO… that was cool and effective but didn’t help me sleep. Ultimately, I grabbed a blanket and went to the upstairs living room. More open, no closed door, so… more comfortable.

Sunday morning, Wife and I spent the morning packing. Packing bags, packing the car, all of that. Nala. Was. Freaked. Just running everywhere, making sure that she was glued to one of us at all times. I mean, heck, she’s never seen us pack everything up so she had no idea what was going on! Wife and I flipped a coin to see who would drive. Wife drove on a 4/5 toss. Typically, I flip a coin multiple times as a form of DnD “Crit Hit” confirmation. 1: Wife; 2: me; 3,4,5: Wife. I slept a little in the car but my left leg was hurting a lot! As we got to the Resort, I checked us in and Wife held the dog back from running out of the car. As Wife was dealing with the dog, I unloaded as much of the car as I could (we arrived at 3:45, my first Conference Required Appearance was at 4:15). After I unloaded a bunch of stuff, I told Wife that I just had to go to the Conference and she would need to figure out the rest of the unpacking.

Conference started well. We covered a really interesting case that… ugh. Fucking Defendants.
This guy got a text message from his girlfriend stating that she could not accept the continued physical abuse, she was leaving him. This guy stole a car (because he was so angry he had to get to her immediately), kicked her door down, trashed her house, beat her so badly that 5 separate bones in her face were broken, dragged her to the bedroom areas, opened the door to her kids’ bedroom (implied threat), and then raped her. She fled to a neighbors afterward crying and asking to call the police. He went to his mom’s place to hang out.

Arrest Interview: He admits to the beating, he admits that he hit her so hard that his hand is swollen and hurts, and then claims that the sex afterwards was consensual.

Trial 1: Hung Jury. One jurist (a female) said, “There is nothing you can tell me or show me that would make me believe that sex was not consensual.” (Made me boil at that). So… hung jury, mistrial.

Trial 2: Went better. I mean, obviously. Because the whole damned thing narrows to “After getting five bones in your face broken, what scenario exists where you (a) don’t immediately go to the hospital; (b) get dragged to a bedroom; and (c) have CONSENSUAL SEX with your attacker? Is that reasonable? Does that make sense? If you think THAT makes sense… then why did the woman run to a neighbor to call the police at her first opportunity?

So those are the bare facts. However, the legal issues? Lots more interesting. For example… you don’t have to be an attorney to understand that Courts have rules. There are specific rules, procedures, and practices that MUST be observed. That’s basic knowledge. NOW… I would be fascinated to know how many people are aware or understand the following:
Any evidence as depicted by photograph or document must be submitted and approved prior to use at trial. How many people are aware of that? The fact that you can’t bring a whole bunch of photographs to trial and just show them to the Jury “because you want to.” Well… the Defendant in this case decided he didn’t want to observe that rule. It pulled a “What the hell?” from the judge. And the interesting problem.... the Defendant broke the rules and possibly fucked up the Jury as it relates to whatever was in the photographs. Many would say, “Mistrial.” However, the State argued (I think accurately) that the Defendant cannot CREATE A PROBLEM and then BENEFIT FROM THAT PROBLEM. In essence, if Defendant thinks that the Jury is going to rule against him… the Defendant cannot then create a Mistrial Offense to interrupt the trial. Went all the way to the Supreme Court.

So… an interesting case.

After that, I returned to the Room to see if Nala and Wife were doing okay. Wife had not grabbed Nala’s Bed or Kennel. So, I grabbed the bed and brought it down and asked what Wife wanted to do about the Picnic scheduled… bring the dog or not?
We decided to bring the dog. Which.... mmmmmmmm.... tough call. She was a psychopath. Pulling all over. Trying to jump on everyone. Just… energetic, explosive, spazz. Exhausting and difficult. SO we made sure to keep our food consumption down to 30 minutes, so that we could get her back in the room. Back in the room? Wife goes to the car to get her kennel… I try to play with Nala to get her energy sorted… Nala is right back to “too much energy to think, have to bite, have to bite.” Disappointing. I mean, I don’t blame her… she’s experiencing a lot of things that would cause fear, anxiety, nervous energy, excitement… I get it. I just… it’s tough when your dog is a disobedient negative presence. Like… my parents’ first puppy was disobedient… energetic… and that displayed through LOTS of licking, barking, and stealing from the trash can. Jumping and biting just feels… worse, somehow.

Wife brought her kennel in and, per Resort Rules- as both humans would be leaving the dog in the room, Nala was required to be in her kennel. So we got her in her kennel and left.

There is a nightly “Booze Cruise” and especially young attorneys are encouraged to go on the First Night’s Booze Cruise for networking purposes. I’m still young in my career and personally benefited from networking at every Conference I’ve attended. So we were going to absolutely be there. And that was really fun. We met a GREAT couple who were in similar and different in many important ways.
Wife and I have been married since 2011.
Attorney and Wife had been dating/together since 2011.
They just bought their first house last month.
We just bought our first house in October.
I started my current Prosecution job July 2018.
He started his current Prosecution Job last month.

Some good stuff. Plus, he looked familiar to me so I followed up with him on that. I ran into him when I was doing work for the Chinese Firm. It was… a REALLY good talk. But of course… you know… it was primarily focused on work. Wife mentioned that she hoped I was able to relax in Hawaii. I understand what she was saying but I hope she understood what was going on. She was saying, “We’re at a beautiful lake, cruising around, drinking on a boat… and you’re discussing work. Relax a little.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “We’re at a work conference, this is a boat filled mostly with attorneys, many of whom are intentionally here to meet more experienced attorneys… I just want to make some connections.” But she’s also right. I mean… I’m.... not great at relaxing. REALLY really. And I do hope I can relax in Hawaii.

The cruise ended, we went back to the room, Nala was waiting for us.... standing in her kennel basically like, “Okay. You forgot to take me with you that time. I forgive you. Don’t let it happen again.” We let her back out, she ate and drank, we waited about an hour and took her for another walk… or for her… pull and disobey. She peed, yay. But didn’t poop. At all. Meaning… she hadn’t pooped since we left IF. It was around 10:00 and she hadn’t pooped since before noon. Like… that’s more like ME than like a dog or anyone healthy, lol. A puppy should poop… I know I’ve got issues and don’t poop enough, lol. But… we were out there for like 45 minutes… the dog PULLING AS HARD AS SHE COULD the whole time… and no pooping. UGH. Fingers crossed that she doesn’t poop in the middle of the night!

One interesting difference between our Home and our Resort Room… is that Nala can easily jump up onto the bed in the resort. Something she adores. After the walk, I got in bed (Conference starts at 8:00 every morning) and Nala gleefully leaped onto the bed to nuzzle into me. Wife got in bed (to make sure Nala didn’t completely take over the whole bed, lol. And I got to sleep with that warm puppy body nuzzling heavily into my chest. Woke up with her still there. Which of course meant, as I got ready to leave she was on the bed watching me. As I reach the door, she’s right there trying to push her head out as well. “You can’t keep leaving without me, that’s not how this works!” So, I had her sit and told her where I was going, then shut the door and left.

I am wrapping this up during Monday Morning Conference. We started the day with “New Legislation” which is an update on what laws are going to change starting July 1 and how we can be Government Attorneys complying with those laws. And… not surprisingly… the Marijuana laws got MORE complicated, MORE restrictive, and LESS reasonable. They wrote bills allowing THC medicine, Hemp, and CBD Oil. And the clause at the end of the bill says, “All laws stated must be in compliance with Federal Law.” That isn’t a boiler plate statement. That was Iowa directly saying, “Here’s what we’re going to do. Here’s what we’re telling our voters that we’re doing. But IF we want to actually arrest you, imprison you, or fuck you up… we can because the law states that Federal Law trumps and Federal Law says almost all of that is illegal still. In other words, Iowa still technically views all of that shit as illegal. You can legally grow up to 40 acres of Marijuana… but if that constitutes more than 0.3% THC content; the Iowa Government is allowed to “destroy by burning” all of that farm product. You can use hemp in clothing and home wares; but you can’t actually put it in a supplement or medicine because it isn’t approved by the FDA. Now… there ARE legal dispensaries in the state of Iowa and they are governed by unique specific code language… but general public is fucked. As to CBD Oil for medicinal purposes? A doctor must specifically prescribe CBD Oil, the prescription must be official and limited, and the CBD Oil may only be purchased after the CBD Oil Prescription has been issued and the Medicinal Card has been received. THEN you can go to a Dispensary (and may only go to an Iowa Licensed dispensary) to present both documents and receive ONLY the amount of CBD Oil prescribed. Anything else is still considered illegal in the State of Iowa.

Clear as mud. Stupid and needlessly convoluted. And, I would argue, a direct result of the continuing Reddening of our State. Iowa was once Blue. Iowa was long considered “Purple, with a red hue”. Currently? We’re blood red. Thus a push to fuck transgender rights, politicize our judicial selection, the damned heartbeat bill, and the Governor specifically prohibiting the Iowa Attorney Association and Attorney General from joining any and all lawsuits against the Federal Government in general or Donald Trump specifically. Fucking. Bullshit.

It is NOON now.... I have almost all afternoon off. I will likely NOT spend the afternoon in front of my computer. BUT… uh.... I now have over 100 bookmarks to catch up on. So… when I start actually catching up with your entries? Please forgive my old, dated, no longer relevant Notes. lol

REVISED:

One thing that I do want to mention.

I am a firm believer in Mental Health advocacy. My state, many states, SUCK ASS at working with kids and adults with serious mental health issues. A good friend of mine is an attorney for Disability Rights Iowa… a group that attempts to secure the rights for those with physical and mental disabilities. That group is currently suing the largest employer in my county. You see, we are home to the State Boys Home. In other words… when boys (males under 18) have committed violent crimes in any county in Iowa, they are Court Ordered to be sent to our facility. Unfortunately, this is a primary reason why my Juvenile Docket is always so large. Because these violent boys… in a school together… tend to become violent with one another and staff. Every month, I am informed of at least 4 acts of violence against a staff member. Often black eyes, bleeding mouths, missing teeth… Aggravated Misdemeanor or Felony level assaults. Iowa Disability Rights is suing the Boys Home for “cruel and unconstitutional practices, including extended isolation and immobilizing restraints.”

And my unofficial, personal opinion, not meant for newspapers or journalists? Both sides in this matter are absolutely correct.
I’d say a good 2/3 of the kids in that school have diagnosable mental health issues and require severe, extreme therapy and/or medication. These kids should not be “tortured” because that doesn’t help these kids in ANY WAY. That is what the plaintiffs are arguing.
I’d say a good 98% or more of the kids in that school are there because of a long history of violent and aggressive behavior that has resulted in criminal actions in their home counties. NONE of these kids come to us as innocents… or even as kids who “made a mistake or two.” We only get these kids when their OWN county states “Too violent, too often getting arrested, we would send him to prison but he’s a juvenile.” So these kids with long histories of violent behavior are sent to us. Where they continue to be violent towards other students and staff. That is what the defense is arguing.

And both sides are right. These kids are violent and are CONSTANTLY putting our staff in the damned hospital… because a lot of these kids have mental health issues and the State failed to deal with those issues at every level. The real problem? By the time WE get these kids… what are we expected to do? Their county of origin did not submit them to the Mental Health Process. On ANY of their previous arrests. Is our county then responsible financially to attempt to correct the entire state’s Juvenile Mental Health crisis? I mean… these are those sticky situations that pop up where… everybody is right… but what is the actual solution?

Last updated June 10, 2019