It's been awhile... in Journal

It really has.
A lot has happened since I last came here. I’ve changed a lot.
Reading back to previous entries always amazes me. I’m forever pleasantly surprised at my own ability to articulate so profoundly. I should probably be a writer; something I’ve been told many times. However, I’m also struck by the deep streaks of anger, sadness, and that intangible sense of being lost. My heart weeps for the person I was.
Yet I rejoice at the person I’ve become, and continue to evolve into. It is so devastatingly discouraging to come up against a seemingly unmovable vice. All self worth seems to be leached away, like warmth stolen from a hand placed preciously close to the glacial frost. But to be reminded, and to actually remember where I once was a mere two years ago… it is like a rekindled fire in my heart.

I have been doing some foundational self work, and it has rocked my world. I have remade my perception of myself, and of how I operate fundamentally in reality. Childhood traumas, development roadblocks, emotional scars… it’s all coming out. All in pursuit of the truth.

It’s pretty crazy what the idea of having a child has pushed me to do. I’ve reinvented my value system. Re-mapped my relationships. Put hard limitations on people until they can display some improved virtue. Invited others closer, to be part of my life and my family. I’ve been thoroughly inspired to up my game, and to continue to do so.

Last updated May 09, 2019