Injury in Current Events

Frig. On Tuesday I ran about 7.5km according to the health app on my phone. I ended that one with doing quite a few sprints. I am trying to get more explosive exercises in so that I can improve my hip flexors. I do not have the running shoes for that but I went ahead and wrecked myself anyway. I went for a run yesterday and I did not last long at all. I felt like I wanted to crawl back home. My calves were so spent. Today I decided that I would be perfectly fine to just go for a little run anyway, even though my calves were quite sore. I was barely six minutes in and I had to quit. I didn’t want to be airlifted home after all. Now this time my shins and ankles are done with me. I can’t even blame them. I’m not getting paid so new shoes are not a good investment right now. I forgot that I had this injury before in high school. I was trained for long-distance running and they suddenly put me in the sprinting competitions and I didn’t get the proper shoes for that in time either. I’m so gagged because I can’t perform any of my workouts now because of this injury. Is that going to stop me? I hope so. Last night I actually had a moment where I thought that I was fat. I don’t want to end up with a body dysmorphic disorder. I started to exercise to improve my health, now I’m aiming for the aesthetic because I don’t know how else to get self-esteem lol. Honestly, the reason I started to aim for the aesthetic was that I was always a super skinny legend. Once I went vegan everybody started to blame my thin physique on a “lack of protein”. So I figured that if I got gains people would leave me alone. Even after my therapy sessions this year I still obsess over what people think of me… knowing damn well that nobody thinks of me lol. I need to reprogram my thinking.

I am aiming to improve my flexibility and sustainability so that I can perform callisthenics. I recently discovered that my 100+ pushups a day were done improperly. Now I can barely do 10 without my knees when I do it with proper form. I feel like I am starting from scratch. I feel so deflated. I am trying to live my 30’s the way I should have in my 20’s. This kids transformation was such an inspiration to me. I want to get there someday. I won’t be able to do it all on my own, I’ll have to join a facility at some point. I just don’t want to start from scratch when I get there. There are plenty of stuff that I can master at home first.