Little Getaway in Current Events

Tomorrow I leave for Gimili with my mother. It’s a small town up north that has a harbour at the lake. She has a trailer out there and on mother’s day, she asked me to join her for this weekend. It will be nice to get away. I have a few meals to prep, she was a little excited when we spoke on the phone yesterday when I told her what meals I would bring us. She’s looking forward to trying my food. I haven’t cooked for her since I went vegan. Seriously, coming out as gay was a breeze. I was welcomed to live my truth with open arms and full support. I’m lucky, I know. Coming out as a vegan, however, and they’re like “I don’t agree with that lifestyle. It’s not healthy.” This is the most open that she has been to eating my food. She mentioned before that she has issues with not getting enough fibre so I am making sure that she gets enough fibre and probiotics this weekend. Fibre is an easy fix. I have a few easy recipe ideas for breakfasts that could help her with getting enough fibre. I’ll probably have to make them for her, she is in denial about being a tad lazy when it comes to her health. She has a bag full of prescriptions which frustrates me because a lot of her problems could be fixed with a structured diet. She’s not too far gone yet though. Maybe I will get my degree in nutrition just in time.

I wanted to do more to get ready for this trip but I ran out of fuel. My body officially had enough of my running and exercise. There is an app on my phone called Health. I’ve never seen it before so I opened it yesterday and I discovered that it has been tracking my running and walking. I ran 19.8km/12.3mi this week apparently. That’s probably not that impressive but whatever lol. When I got back from my run this morning my legs were too weak to stand and my hands were too shaky to hold a glass of water. I had to use a straw. I skipped my workout today. I weighed myself, I hit my goal weight. I wanted to be the same weight that I was in high school when I turned 30. That was 30lbs to gain and I achieved that 3 years ago. I ate a lot of junk food to achieve that. I felt like shit and I looked like shit and I managed to get skinny fat. I was a little deflated (pun intended) that I lost 15lbs when I went vegan. Now I gained it back but I gained the good stuff. My confidence was short lived when I met up with a friend at a restaurant, I noticed a tall twenty-something-year-old that was there and looked just like all the Instagram models that I recently just started to get into the habit of comparing myself to. Why do I do this to myself?

I’ve been too nervous to check my financials because there is no more money coming in. I had almost $1000 more than I expected when I finally peeked. It was a bit of a relief as I don’t have many clothes to wear this summer. The weather is finally in the high twenties. I went to Winners to browse and I was disappointed at the prices. Since thoughts of mine like to manifest, I immediately received a text from Urban Planet telling me that everything tomorrow is 50% off. In my opinion, their products are already pretty cost effective so I will definitely be hitting them up tomorrow. I am going to a thrift store first. I am pretty picky about how I like things to fit and everything I already own is not up to par. For better or for worse, my body is different. I am trying to work up the nerve to wear tank tops. 28c is already too much for us in my city. Winnipeg is basically Winterfell. Do y’all know what -50c feels like?

Anyways, I downloaded an app that is great for making random to-do lists. I have a list of jobs to apply for online before I leave for the weekend. Theoretically, I should be lining up interviews next week when I return. My brother in law returns the day after me and he will be pressuring me to get a job. I know that they were kind of looking forward to me moving out at the end of June. I had a bit of a hiccup when I lost my job but I know that they will feel better knowing that I at least have something. This way they will feel closer to me moving out. My anxiety has been so high the last few days because I know that I will feel the pressure when he comes back. It’s been five weeks. I am pretty sure that I know what my next steps will be. It’s just that I know how it can be to chase one’s dreams… in stilettos lol. wtf?

I return on Sunday. In the morning some time and I will be meeting up with Toni. We are heading to the Forks, the it place in my city, to check out the pride situation. I was supposed to have a shredded body by this Sunday but nope. I’m too embarrassed to look stupid at the gym. I am a 33-year-old gay man that is unemployed and lives in his sister’s basement. I am finally boyfriend material lol. I laugh because I am exactly the kind of guy that people can’t quit. Nobody has standards in my city. All I need is a drug problem and BOOM! I would have all the boys at pride all over me. lol k, I got to stop typing now.

Last updated May 31, 2019