Opportunity in meh...

I haven’t talked about this much and it seems as if the people I want to confide in about it, hear it and blow it off, or somehow steer the conversation away from it. I don’t know if that’s a sign that I shouldn’t do it, or a sign that they’re just not interested. ::shrugs:: Idunno…

So, while perusing Facebook, I came across an ad for aspiring chefs/cooks, food service workers, and people along that line of work. So there is a food cooperative that is going to open in a space near my house (saw the ad posted by the neighborhood page). I was saying before seeing this, that I want to do something in honor of my sister somehow. Not necessarily in the business name, but to keep the thought of it alive. Seeing this was a great opportunity. I saw when the meeting was taking place, I went.

At first, I was nervous. Sometimes-scratch that-ALL the time, I second guess myself and feel that perhaps that I don’t belong somewhere. I know things require a sacrifice and things require time and money and there are a lot of things that I don’t have and I think about all of this before I say, “Ok” because I don’t want the losses to put me out any more than I already am. (that was a large run on and I’m sorry, but that’s how my mind is right now.)

I went to the first meeting. I had to be the first to tell my story. Everyone there was pretty cool. A couple of people looked…let’s just say it’s an eclectic group. Ever since that meeting, I’ve missed the last two. I’m supposed to come up with $100 to buy into it for a share. I had the money, but then my phone got turned off. I usually get a 3 day warning when to pay my bill, but I didn’t and I was wondering why my phone was acting a fool. I needed gas and food in the house. So there that $100 went. So I missed the first meeting. Second meeting was this past Monday. I just didn’t show up because again, I didn’t have the $100 dollars. Also because it was Memorial day and I know they weren’t cooking for us.

But I hate starting and stopping stuff because I don’t have anything to help on my follow through. I hate it. I don’t like my name being sullied or being seen as unreliable. A few emails went out asking that they be notified if they can’t make it and they apologized for the ill timing of the scheduling. I didn’t get offended because it looked like I wasn’t the only one that didn’t show.

I do want to be involved, but I told them in the beginning my time would be limited and I’d be available on like a Saturday mostly or when I have an off day from my regular job. I want in on this. I will find a way to make this happen.

I need to get Hepatitis shots and all other kinds of things. It’s in the By Laws.

Well, I wanted to bounce this off of someone.
I’m tired of having unresolved and unfinished stories.
I’ve noticed that a lot.

Okay. That’s all.

Kindest regards,
Sister