kinda long in Second 1st

This morning I made notes in an empty page. When you have time don’t forget to talk about _, &___ so here I am thinking I have time. Or at least knowing if I don’t start an entry I’ll never write it. As has been the case the last few days. So let’s get updated ;)

Joseph and Keri were on vacation this week and out of town. So we avoided another “they are going so I’m not” I did get a message from Todd saying he’d like to come out. He did and it was nice just hanging. Of the 5 of them (J&K&B&M&him) he’s the most sound of mind/adult. Michelle and I tried moonshine pickles. They are pretty good but honestly I’d rather have a pickle and pickle juice..... so there is that. There was general life complaining and then.... then well.... Michelle and Blaine are both jobless now and according to an FB post yesterday if they don’t get jobs soon they will be homeless. I don’t know how I feel about this. After having Sammy live here I know we cant have long term company but Sammy will be moving out soon so to them it’s going to appear they CAN stay here..... but they can’t.... because loosing the job was a choice. Blaine got fired for drinking on the job. Michelle quit because they transffered her to a store further away and she feels that she’d spend all of her money in gas..... right so bad choice because she could have put in elsewhere while still working and chooses to have to think about being homeless. Also, though I would never ever drag out someone for smoking pot, I wouldn’t choose to have it in my home. Michelle has already told me she has many mental issues that pot helps with. Well, that’s good but.... not here. However, they can come hang on Tuesdays, get a shower, have dinner..... and make me feel guilty for knowing homeless people that I Could Help.... :( I just see them pulling us down and we already aren’t 100% with me not working.

Therapy is keeping me accountable. That’s about it. Doing it 2-3 times a day (depending on the exercise) and it’s done nothing but make me dizzy. I had a good day the last time I had gone (Friday) and he said “hopefully those will happen more” but they won’t. It’s kinda a random thing. Yeah, everyone has “good” days .... and even on good days I’m not well. He literally said “So, it seems that you are having problems when you are moving or something you are looking at is moving or both”..... sigh YES DUH..... and when do those things happen? ALL THE TIME… be still, be still is good stay calm.... stay calm..... He’s going to pick the brain of an expert and probably change up the exercises I’m doing. In the mean time I’m still waiting for the call back on the week extension on the Short Term Disability because of the Dr. moving the next appointment to the 25th.....

My mom called me to ask if we should do an intervention type situation for my sister. My mom learned that my sister is trying to have sex with any male figure she sees. Meaning the guys in the group home across the street and the guys in the program. No one can prove anything but one of the guys said that she had laid in his bed naked. .... again no proof but “this guys doesn’t lie” The actions themselves aren’t the problem.... who wouldn’t occasionally like a naked slut in their bed. It’s everything about it that’s the problem. It’s against rules.... and supposedly she loves her boyfriend (who has asked to marry her). Terry believes she’s being faithful and she seems to be doing everything she can to get kicked out. Again I think about .... I have a spare room when Sammy leaves and about how I can not do that. As a family (Mom, Scott, and I) we have seem her manipulate and she’s not someone I want here. She is my sister only in blood. She would never have been like this and I have no words for how I feel about that. As far as an “intervention” goes, we have no proof. The lady who runs the house is going to put cameras in common areas to see if she can catch her doing something. Molly (the caretaker) says Alicen( sister) is volunteering to do chores they telling everyone (even others in the house) that she being made a slave and that Molly told her she had to do it. Alicen tells mom they don’t give her meds on time. I’m about 80% sure they have to keep a log or something and that is 90% the reason she is even there and why people end up in places like that so I’m pretty sure she’s not telling the truth there either. There are places in the world where the mentally handicapped are abused in those ways and I hope it’s not happening to her but she lies to get what she wants so how are we to prove it?

So Tired.....While we were at the Therapist Rocky brought up the new normal argument. We argue about me taking a nap. My problem is that if I take naps when I’m not well and I sleep too long then nothing gets done and I am left feeling like I’m running behind making the next few days (till I catch up) extra stressful and auto bad days. However, Rocky convinced the therapist that I never sleep for long. Fact is that if I”m napping it’s likely 20 mins-45 tops I just imagine it will be longer because there have been times where I wake 4 hours later wondering where the day went. So the PT guy is on his side. Told me “sorry” and told Rocky “you win.” Doesn’t matter much. On the other side of that..... since the statement above about moving things and me moving Rocky’s been doing way more laundry so that’s good.

I got another bill for me and another for Rocky for medical stuff. I know our deductible is paid but I don’t know if it’s before or after these are paid. shrugs I’ll look at it before I start paying on them. I upped my goals for daily intake on MTurk to 15 and a goal of logging 10 items in hopes of making some kind of progress without killing myself. Takes up the day though.

Rocky keeps saying “during vacation”. He put in for the first week in July off, I don’t know…10 months ago. It is a scheduled shut down and we usually go somewhere. With the medical bills and all we are going to plan small things here? .... a movie… nice dinner.... lots of video games. We were at WalMart and he requested PoP Tarts for eating while playing video games “during vacation”. I know he’s looking forward to it and hopefully I can get him a new video game to enjoy it with. I think we should find that local salt cave we sometimes talk about going to.

I know it seems silly but it took from 5am till 2pm to write this out. Doing the things.... mentioned. Those are done so ..... and I have updates already lol

Blaine and Michelle worked today with a temp agency. Blaine messaged me just now. 12 an hour and they worked 13 hrs today! So that’s good. I told him not to rest on it too hard as temp stands for temporary. To keep looking but I’m glad they found something for now.

Rocky’s mom saw something she wanted in my listings so she’s going to come over in a little bit and get it. I don’t know if she intends on paying for it. She was kinda unclear about it. I’m not going to force her to .... she should be forward with it but we will see. Yes, my mom got things from the yard sale.... and paid for everyone. Even though I didn’t want her too....

I had a couple of people wanting to meet today with vague times like 2-3.... messaged them a bit ago and they haven’t even seen it.... 2:05 now so.... I hate people.....