Sticky With Lotion in Hello

Skin is incredibly dry so I basically lathered myself down head to toe. I’m watching Bong Appetite on Viceland. We can have shows like this on tv but not have weed legalized, ugh! And don’t get me started on my state’s stupid fucking abortion bill. Old white men deciding what’s right for a woman’s body…

But I digress.

The non religious AA meeting finally messaged me back today at 3pm. Meetings every Tuesday at 5:30pm at the Downtown Group location. While I like that there is no religious aspect to it it is highly unstructured. Basically sit around and tell funny stories. No reading the preamble, passing out chips, just talk unless someone has a topic. Maybe next time I’ll try and think of one.

I still felt the desire to drink after and not sure if I was going to. Against my wishes I went to the 8pm Feollowship Group meeting. They picked up a good topic about expectancy. What you either expect out of yourself or out of others. Well, when it was my turn to speak I brought up expectancy vs reality. Basically it boils down to when I’ve wronged someone and I apologize I want that to be the end of it. I apologized, let’s move on. My own words, “In reality it dosen’t work like that. When you do or say something fucked up to someone it takes time and patience, which I’m working with my therapist to learn, for that said person to come around and speak to you again.” Of course after the meeting was the prayer. I didn’t mind it so much tonight, actually. Probably because it was something that resonated with me.

Oh ya, another person mentioned that just because you know the steps and promises put out by AA, you’re not magically sober over night and life will still have it’s ups and downs. That was something I really had a difficult time with during my two year stint sober. That was almost four and a half years ago. While there were days (holidays) I was white knuckling it, I enjoyed waking up not feeling like death everyday.

Anyways, last smoke then bed. Think my pills are kicking in.