you're welcome in poetry

I talked the gods out of
the last three end-times
but no one gives me credit

Odin was going to lay down Ragnarok
so I strolled up to Asgard and I said
Odin, Earth is where I keep all my stuff
could we put it off a while
could you guys just lay off
and he said

Mike?
for you
anything

I saved your asses
and all I'm asking
is a little gratitude

the Mayans were going to fuck the whole thing up
in December of Twenty and Twelve
and I wouldn't have any of that
I wouldn't have us over-run
by South American elves
so I laid down the law
so put down the bottle
so I put on my costume of the god Quetzalcoatl
and I said

Mayan world-enders
I am Cuchulainn
the pale brother from the east
could you put this thing off
for a few years at least
there are still things to do
there's still good music
for me to listen to
and they said

Mike
nice costume
you're awesome
for you
anything

Jesus Christ was gonna burn this all down
just like that preacher said on the radio
Rapture and Apocalypse
all live in studio
so I marched right up to Jesus Christ
I tried to be fair
I tried to be nice
and said

hey buddy do me a solid here
Earth is where all the women
I've ever had crushes on are
and brother if it isn't too hard
could you just hold off
at least until I am gone
the place has gone to hell
but all the fine women
and all the good music
still makes me feel swell

and Jesus stood back
took a breath
brought Himself back
from three or four deaths
and said

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

because Jesus Christ
looks just like the Fonz
He slicked His hair back
and with a smile
He moved on

and they did this all for me
I saved the world three times
without even being asked
so shut down the attitude
I'm not asking for much
I'm just asking for gratitude

you're welcome