Floodgates. in Phoenix

This is breathtaking and hearth-wrenching and devastating and reformative. This is everything.

No one has ever loved me like you do. I love the way you love me. It’s breathtaking.

No one has ever made me feel so loved.

Ever.

Nothing even close. And I’m like is this fucking real?! Am I really loved this much?

I’m sobbing, painful, gut-wrenching sobs.

I haven’t cried in a year. Not like this. I haven’t allowed myself to experience such a range of emotions all at once in longer than I can remember. And I have never allowed myself to experience love. I have never fully loved and I have never felt fully loved by anyone, not like this, not like you love me.

It’s devastating and amazing. I’m having the opposite of an anxiety attack… or a heart attack.

I’m mourning her, the girl who I was, the woman unloved. All of the years of my life being loved by part, being loved by half, by bits and pieces. And I’m rejoicing for the woman that girl has become. I am allowing myself love, allowing myself to give it and receive it, without restrictions or conditions. I deserve this love.

This is the most immense moment of my life, the most intense and painful and amazing and breathtaking moment of my entire life. This is a tremendous leap forward in my personal growth and well-being journey. This is healthy and good and right.

I’m quaking.