Another date between June 1982 and June 2000 in The Book Book

October 1, 1986

Publication date September 30, 1986

Notes from the Cadillac Ranch

One of the minor areas of creativity open to modern society is the telephone answering machine . It allows us to become very minor radio producers and performers.

Developing a message that will fit the set number of seconds for the out-going message is a challenge. Devising a welcoming, non-offensive, semi-cute message that will encourage callers to speak to the tape recorder is not easy.

There is a tendency to beg or sound too flippant. If you think how your message will sound to every possible caller including the seed corn salesman, the neighbor calling to say the cows are out, your aunt, the lady at the dentist's office, etc., it gets a bit humbling.

When you determine what you want to say, there is the question of how to say it, getting your voice to sound semi-normal when reading the message that you have so carefully crafted to fill up the time.

When our machine as new, I tried to get my kid to help me fill up the 30 seconds after "hello this is the __. There is no one here right now to answer the phone. If you would care to leave your name and message, we will get back to you as soon as possible."

The kid was to play music on the tape recorder to fill up the rest of the 30 seconds. The kid turned on the tape and played one of AC/DC's more graphically obscene lyrics. We didn't leave that message on the machine very long.

Telephone answering machines cause some pretty strong feelings. Some people are insulted at being asked to talk to a machine. Others are nervous. A few take advantage of the theatrical opportunity.

Actually I'm a little ashamed of owning one. It's a bit yuppier than I like to see myself. But it's handy, especially when no one is home to answer the phone. I figure if people want to talk to the machine, fine. If not, that's fine too.